Ask Denny Strecker

JoAnn Collins asked:


Are you the parent of a child with autism that has been blamed for your child’s behavioral difficulties? Have you been told by special education personnel that your child’s learning disability, is your fault? This article will discuss a study of school psychologists about blame for children’s learning difficulties. And also, give you tips, on how to overcome the blame, placed by some disability educators.

Several years ago, I heard about a study where school psychologists were asked who they blamed, when a child had learning difficulties. The basic outcome of the study showed that 100% of the psychologists that were surveyed, placed the blame on the child or the parents. Not one school psychologist blamed the school district, teacher, inappropriate curriculum, lack of resources, or inadequate instruction, for children’s learning difficulties. Parents must overcome this blame, so that they can advocate for an appropriate education, for their child.

Tip 1: If a school person tells you that your child’s behavior, is because of something that is going on at home, stand up to them. Tell the person that you do not believe that this is true. If your child has autism, they may have a lot of behavioral difficulties due to their disability. Most families are not perfect, but most times do not “cause” a child’s behavioral difficulty; especially if the child’s behavioral difficulty is at school.

Tip 2: Try and figure out what your child is telling you by their behavior; perhaps the work is too hard, they are trying to avoid the work etc. Try and figure out the ABC’s of Behavior; A stands for antecedent (what was happening before the behavior), B stands for Behavior (what was the specific behavior), and C stands for the Consequence (what did the child get out of the behavior). By focusing on the behavior, and not the blame you will help your child.

Tip 3: If your child is struggling with academics due to a learning disability; make sure that they are receiving research based instruction, which is required by No Child Left Behind (NCLB). Children with learning disabilities need a reading program with five principles: Simultaneous multi sensory, systematic and cumulative, direct interaction, diagnostic teaching, and analytic instruction. Check out www.ortongillingham.com for more information.

Tip 4: Tell the special education person, that your child has the right to a free appropriate public education, and you will be holding them accountable for that. Be honest, and bring up any school related reasons that you believe your child is having academic difficulty. Many schools continue using outdated curriculums that do not work.

You can overcome the blame that some disability educators try and place on your or your child. Continue to focus on your child, and their needs, and this will help you overcome the blame. Your child is depending on you!



MARCELINO

Kelly Nault-Matzen asked:


Law of Attraction and Effective Parenting

Struggle is not part of the natural order of life. One never sees a cherry tree struggle to produce blossoms when given the right environment. Why? Because the tree is simply following its purpose—its basic nature. Fortunately, struggle does not have to be part of the parenting equation either. This is good news for many parents because if we choose to use the law of attraction we can experience a happier, more peaceful and respectful home. Yes, this can even mean eliminating award-winning temper tantrums for good. Sound too good to be true? Read on.

What is Attraction Parenting?

Attraction parenting employs the principle that the behavior we experience in our home we have attracted to us by our thoughts, deeds and actions. You see, the people around us, especially those closest to us (like our children), simply reflect and respond to our own feelings and actions. As much as we would like to blame our kids for their behavior (especially when they are pushing every button we have, plus some we never knew we had!), generally our kids’ only mirror what is going on within us.

So, if your kids currently have you spluttering and dog-paddling in the “parenting deep end”, it may be time to ask yourself:

- How am I contributing to my kids behavior? (Gulp!)

- Are my kids responding to my lack of patience and skyrocketing stress?

- Are my children desperately seeking quality time with me because I haven’t been giving them much special time lately?

- Are my kids no fun to be around because frankly, I am not fun to be around?

Answering these questions truthfully can quickly get to the root cause of their misbehavior.

The Six Secret Parenting Law of Attraction Tips

There are six parenting tips below that can positively transform any household of chaos, frustration and stress into harmony, joy and peace.

The Secret Parenting Law of Attraction Tip #1 – You are modeling for your children how to behave each moment of every day

Children watch what we do far more than they listen to what we say. Thus, if you yell at them to be quiet, push them to do what you want them to do, and use a disrespectful tone when frustrated—you only teach them how to treat you. Stop! Take a breath and make a commitment to walk your talk. Model for your child how a happy, healthy and sane human being looks, talks and acts. Then watch them follow your lead.

The Secret Parenting Law of Attraction Tip #2 – You are your child’s most powerful self-esteem mirror

Your child seeks approval from you more than anyone else. You are the mirror that tells them how deserving or unworthy they are. They will believe whatever you reflect to them—positive or negative! Overt and even subtle put-downs can be devastating to their sense of self-worth and wellbeing. When a child has low self-esteem they will often act out, misbehave and drive you nuts! By using the power of positive words and actions to encourage, rather than discourage, you can be a beacon of light illuminating your child’s worth. This gift of positive mirroring can inspire your child to believe in themselves, follow their passions and ultimately be someone who is a delight to be around. Therefore, choose to reflect your child’s brilliance, special god-given talents, and worth by being grateful for what they are and do.

The Secret Parenting Law of Attraction Tip #3 – The more you focus on the positives of your child, the more you will experience them

One of the most powerful aspects of the law of attraction is that whatever you focus on, expands. Thus, if you spend much of the day nagging about all the things your child isn’t doing, or all the bad things your child is doing, you simply attract more of these frustrating experiences to you. Instead, we can take affirmative steps to create the behaviors we want by simply noticing and being grateful for what we do like. One of my favorite parenting gratitude techniques is what I call the “Dog Factor!” You know how dogs unconditionally show us love and affection—greeting us at the door enthusiastically, whether we‘ve been gone for two days or two minutes? Well, apply this approach to your own family. Beam with love when they come home or when they enter the room. Remember that no matter what you are experiencing right now with your family, there are thousands of people in this world (like those who can’t have kids!) who would gladly trade places with you.

The Secret Parenting Law of Attraction Tip #4 – Discipline only teaches children to do better next time, when they feel better

This is probably the most difficult parenting tip to accept. Discipline doesn’t have to feel bad to be effective. In fact, most discipline that is based on punitive punishment (things like yelling and taking away privileges), only teaches our kids to lie, and not get caught next time! You reap what you sow. Thus, if your punishment is focused on rehashing all the bad things your child has done, you are only attracting more of this bad behavior to you in the near future.

For discipline to really inspire children to do better next time it needs to:

1. Be respectful

2. Focus on the solution (and how to do better next time)

By filling our home with gratitude for all we do have and with positive words and actions, we can begin to experience more pleasant interactions and actively create the family life of our dreams.



WILLY

English Nanny asked:


10 parenting tips that all parents should implement every day to improve their family’s life and make it easier.

Parenting tip 1

Good parenting is remembering to tell your child you love them and not stopping – even when they so tall that they can look down on you. Do this regardless of how they behave because although you may not like his behavior you do love him.

Parenting tip 2

Speak words of affirmation to your child each day and as soon as they are old enough encourage them to speak these out to themselves. This will help you raise a more positive child which improves family life.

Parenting tip 3

Improve your parenting skills be encourage your child’s independence and tell him what he can do it, rather than what he can’t do. It can often seem quicker to do things for your child but instead leave enough so you child can learn and become more independent

Parenting tip 4

Spend time listening and talking to each child individually, this is the greatest investment you can make in your child’s life. It’s the best way to show them that you love them

Parenting tip 5

Tell you child what you want them to do not what you don’t want them to do. Using this positive parenting method is much more effect and gets the desired results much quicker. Parents if you don’t want your child to leave their clothes on the floor then say ” Please hang your clothes up” instead of “don’t leave your clothes on the floor.”

Parenting tip 6

Give yourself the space to make mistakes you will never be the perfect parent they don’t really exist. You will make mistakes, don’t worry, forgive yourself and learn.

Parenting tip 7

This is parenting advice. Do at least one fun or relaxing thing every day for yourself, this will help to keep you sane and give you a more enjoyable day.

Parenting tip 8

Set up situations daily that will allow your child to make choices, this helps him develop independence and can save you both many arguments. Children as young as 18 months can be given an opportunity to choose.

Parenting tip 9

Keep your boundaries and discipline strategies consistent even if you’re tired. A quick fix today often leads to more problems in the future.

Parenting tip 10

Keep in mind that your child will learn more by example than by what you say so set your child the best examples possible in everything.

Don’t just read these parenting tips put them into practice. Good parenting involves action.



SHERMAN

Muna wa Wanjiru asked:


Parenting tips for infant teething are a great source of information for anyone trying to cope with the difficult period of teeth eruption. There could be long sleepless nights when the child fusses, whines or cries, days when he or she refuses to eat, sobbing and chewing at every object that falls at hand. How can one help the infant better pass over this stress? The solution to such a question will also be the cure for the parents’ exhaustion.

First of all, infant teething starts with the eruption of the lower front teeth, so it is there that you should look for swollen red gums. The event occurs somewhere between six and ten months of age but it is may also happen that the process should start sooner like at three, four or five months. The lower incisors are followed by the upper middle ones, and these are the most difficult stages to go over with, since the rest of the teeth will erupt more slowly, bothering less both infant and parents.

Temperature is among the most alarming infant teething symptoms; if the fever gets higher than 100 degrees you should contact the doctor right away and have the child investigated. Sometimes, teeth eruption can be doubled by a cold or other ailment as the baby’s body is far more sensitive during the period. A health care provider will probably recommend a combined treatment for both teeth eruption and the cold or the infection.

There are all sorts of methods and solutions to soothe a teething infant: give him or her a cool object to chew or bite at. Teething rings cooled in the fridge are most often a great solution as they release the pressure in the gums, while also reducing the swelling and the soreness. Though many parents choose to give cold food to a teething infant, this could be risky from other points of view, though highly useful at calming the teeth eruption symptoms.

Infant teething is complete around the age of three when your child should have all of his or her twenty baby teeth. In case there is any delay in the eruption, you should contact the doctor right away and find out what is the cause for the problem. Regular visits to the dentist are also a good idea: on the one hand the child gets used to being consulted and treated without feeling any fear and on the other hand oral health is ensured.



SEBASTIAN

Ann Marier asked:


Keeping a toddler busy can feel like a full-time job. Children who are two or three-years-old can attend a pre-school program but when they are at home, they’ll be searching for things to do. Parents may find that having an early childhood activity list on hand can help them when they are looking for things to do with their little one.

Every small child is different and their interests tend to vary. Some can spend an hour with a box of crayons and a coloring book while others don’t enjoy this popular early childhood activity. Therefore it’s important for parents to think about what their child likes to do before they develop a personal early childhood activity list.

One thing that almost every child can’t get enough of is having books read to them. This can be a wonderful part of any early childhood activity list. A fun idea is to have the child go to the library with the parent to pick out some books they would enjoy. This helps the youngster become familiar with the library at a very early age.

In addition to reading to a toddler, a parent can use books in another way. Children have very porous minds and exposing them to books can actually help them learn to read. Parents know that any early childhood activity that encourages learning is definitely worth spending time on. The key is to choose books that only contain simple words that a child can begin to recognize by sight.

There are many other things that a parent can do with their child that will help them learn new skills. Computers are essential for success today and if a parent wants an early childhood activity that emphasizes computers they can find software programs designed to teach a toddler something new. Matching or simple adding games both teach a young child something interesting and useful.

Parents would do well to remember that children grow up very quickly. Don’t be surprised if you soon discover that your child has outgrown many of the items on the early childhood activity list. That’s a great thing as it means they are maturing and getting ready to take on new challenges like beginning grade school.

However, there are things that children do when they are very small that they may long for again even as they turn six or seven-years-old. You’ll probably find that some of the things on the early childhood activity list like using a coloring book or doing a puzzle are entertaining to kids even as they are discovering new things to do.



COLUMBUS

Deanna Mascle asked:


Parenting is the most difficult, the most challenging, and the most important job we will ever have. So many of our children’s future successes and problems can stem from our success as parents. Yet fortunately we do not have to go it alone. We can learn from the successful parents around us, if we are fortunate including our own parents, and also learn from those less successful as well. In addition, we can learn many important lessons about parenting from our own children. If we only listen and pay attention they tell us so much about what they want and need from us as parents. While we can so often get caught up in the little details and daily grind of parenting, if we keep sight of three main goals then the rest will take care of itself. All our children really need from us are these three all-important gifts: our love, our care, and our time.

Love is the easiest and yet the most overlooked of the gifts we must give our children. We love our children. It is such an overwhelming emotion for us that we often forget that our children may not realize its depth and breadth. It is true for many of us that we did not realize how much our parents love us until we too became parents. Demonstrate through your actions and choices that you love your children. Show them and tell them how much you care. Do this with little gestures and big ones and do it every day. One certainty our children should possess as they grow and develop is that they are loved as this gives them a foundation and confidence that nothing else can.

Care is something we do all the time, so much so that it is often on autopilot. Folding clothes, picking up toys, packing lunches, and washing dishes. One of the ways to cope with these tasks is to put them in perspective. These boring, repetitive tasks are one of the ways we care for our children and by doing them we are showing our care. But do not neglect the emotional and cognitive care along with the physical care. It is easy while making sure our children are fed, clothed, and washed to overlook the emotional care and cognitive care children also need. Teach your child how to handle emotions like fear and jealousy by talking things through and modeling good emotional behavior. Make sure your child is challenged intellectually through conversation, games and books.

Time is the most precious of all gifts and yet so many parents short their children of their time. Time is spent at work and at various life activities from home maintenance to recreation, but simply giving your child the gift of your time and attention every day can reap tremendous rewards. Giving your child your time and attention is the surest way to demonstrate to your child that he or she is loved. You can multi-task while spending time with your child if the task is something that the child can be involved in or adjacent to — and the task is something mindless so you can focus on the child. For example, children can help with household chores or can talk or read to you while you fold laundry or wash dishes. Simply making a point of spending time with your child every day where your primary focus is on the child can reap tremendous rewards today and tomorrow.

There are no perfect parents, so striving for perfection is setting yourself up for failure. All you can do is try your best and give your child the gifts of love, care, and time. If you do then you will be a good parent. It really is that simple.



GAIL

Audrey Okaneko asked:


As parents we all need to occasionally be reminded of what we can do to be the best parents to our children. Below is a list of five of my favorite tips:

 

1. Listen to your child. My idea of listening is very different than many other peoples. When I say listen, I mean truly listen. Let your child do the talking. This is not the time to voice your opinion. This is not the time to tell your child they handled something wrong, or should have handled it differently. This is time to just listen to your child. I have a very special 5 year old who comes to visit me from time to time. A few times when she’s come she’s been very upset. When someone at school says something mean, this is very traumatic to a 5 year old. I just listen and offer hugs. Often when she leaves, she is smiling. I then have a 16 year of my own. When she talks, I listen. I let her tell me what’s happening, how she solved the situation and how she feels about how she handled everything. This is listening.

 

2. When helping children recognize the differences between the choice they made and other choices, always talk about the choices, or the behavior, never talk about the child. The child is not good or bad or right or wrong. However a child might have made a choice that was not a great choice. Or the child might have made a choice that was just excellent. With a very young child, they might decide to pull a dogs tail. It’s important to stop the behavior but to also talk about the behavior not that the child was “wrong”. When we pull a dogs tail, the dog just might bite us. However, with the owner’s permission, it’s great to pet the dog on his back.  With a teenager, maybe they are making a choice to watch t.v. and not do homework. Talk about the behavior. Talk about the future. Don’t tell the child they’re wrong in their choice. Instead talk about the behavior and understand why they are making the choice to not do homework.

 

3. Be consistent. This is so important. Children need very clear guidelines. If a behavior is not ok on Monday, but ok on Tuesday, children become uncertain and confused. If they must wash their hands before eating, then make sure this happens every single time. If you are in a restaurant, you can use the restroom there to wash hands. If you are at a friend’s home, you can use the restroom there to wash hands. By being consistent it will be habit for the kids to wash their hands before eating. If your child is not allowed to jump on the couch, then there must be consequences every single time he/she jumps on the couch. When you are consistent, your children recognize that what you say is the way it is. They trust you. I know it sounds “weird” but when you are inconsistent, children don’t trust what you say. They know that your word might or might not be true.

 

4. Allow your child to make choices. Choices build a child’s self esteem and self confidence. With a very young child, allow them to choose their own outfit. Allow them to choose what toy to play with. Allow them to choose which book to read. With an older child, allow them to help choose which foods to serve with a meal. Allow them to choose their own clothes at the store. Allow them to begin developing their own routines of when to do homework, when to talk on the phone, and when to watch t.v. When we allow our children to make choices, we are helping them develop their own self confidence.

 

5. Spend time with your children doing what they want to do. Spending time with your child is so important. Having you, their parent, involved in the activity they’ve chosen can lead to a non stop smile on your child’s face. Does your 3 year old want to go to the park? Go, have fun. Does your 5 year old want to go to McDonalds? Go, grab a diet coke and watch your child smile. Does your teenager want to go to the mall? Go, enjoy the time together. Children want to be with mom and dad.

 

 

 



KELVIN

Deanna Mascle asked:


The words “Schools Out For Summer” strike joy into the hearts of children and often a sigh of relief for parents who are just as eager to take a break from homework as their progeny. However taking a complete break from the books for the entire summer can be problematic.

Studies have shown that children forget between 1 and 3 months of school during the summer vacation. While reading is the least effected, the most impacted subjects are spelling and math. Obviously it is important for children to have time to play and relax — to just enjoy being kids during the summer. Children should not be pushed into a high-pressure study schedule over summer vacation. But parents can take steps to slow down that loss of knowledge and erosion of skills.

First and foremost, keep children reading over the summer but try to work in some nonfiction as well as fiction onto the reading list. Take a lesson from many experienced teachers and pick a few spelling words from the books children are reading. Perhaps tie test results into some special summer reward and you will have eagerly awaited spelling bees.

Writing is one skill that often erodes during summer, but you can give children a writing journal and a weekly goal. They can write about whatever you think will interest your child. They can report on their baseball games, make up elaborate games, or simply report on the books they are reading. There are lots of great writing prompts out there for kids if you run dry of ideas. It does not matter so much what your child writes so long as they spend time writing so they can work on handwriting skills as well as keep in the groove of putting words on paper. One easy writing prompt is to have the child describe people, places, objects, pets and other animals, insects, and games. Lists are another easy writing prompt — favorite things, worst things, etc. Then on another day you can use those descriptions and lists to generate another writing prompt.

Math skills might seem the hardest thing to work on during summer but in fact these can be the easiest. Math does not have to come out of a book and you can easily work a lot of math lessons into those long car rides or plane trips as you go on a family vacation. Try counting car headlights (counting by 2s) as you drive or fingers in a restaurant or plane (counting by 5s). Find various shapes around the house and then trace them to create yet more complex forms. Get the kids involved in cooking and learning about measurements. Give the kids a ruler and notebook and tell them to measure various objects around the house. Empty out your pocket change and have the kids sort it and create word problems with the coins.

There are lots of activities you can do at home without the expense of special tools, workbooks or programs that will actively engage your child in learning and help keep their school skills sharp. They will not even notice they are learning because they will enjoy these projects so much.



EMERY

Colleen Langenfeld asked:


Preschoolers are amazing little creatures. They can go, go, go all day, absorbing huge amounts of information on the fly. Having helped four children of my own navigate this precious season of life, here are my 10 parenting tips for preschoolers.

1. Use your imagination.

Preschoolers do. Everyday, all day long. Their developing imaginations help them to make sense of their world and since they have limited experience, imaginations help them to fill in the gaps. Imaginative play helps them understand new concepts in a non-threatening way.

2. Why is the sky blue?

Preschoolers have a ton of questions and rightly so. As their parent, you are the resident expert on all things in life. What a wonderful position of influence! Preschoolers need simple and direct answers, so save the complicated, technically correct answers for their science class in a few years.

3. Be patient.

Preschoolers are eager to learn about everything around them. However, they have limited attention spans and vocabularies. This can lead to frustration! One of our daughters at this age was interested in information she couldn’t articulate yet. Sometimes she would sit crying while we would play a guessing game, trying to figure out what she was wanting to know. Over time and as her verbal abilities developed, she grew into an extremely descriptive person. Your ability to stay patient will help your little one develop patience with herself, too.

4. Sympathize with their struggles.

Along the same lines as being patient is to sympathize and empathize with your preschooler’s struggles. Let them know you understand how tough some things are for them and that you are on their side. This age group really likes the idea that someone is their champion; it will help them listen to you even when they don’t like what you have to say.

5. Play grown-up.

Preschoolers are wonderful imitators of all things adult. Providing a dress-up box filled with your cast off treasures is one of the best things you can do for your little one’s play habits. Read a good book, then act it out together and you’ll be your preschooler’s best friend for life.

6. Boundaries with a bit of freedom.

Your young child needs to know where the limits of behavior are in your family. So tell her clearly and firmly. Then enforce those limits as necessary. This gives your child a tremendous sense of security and establishes you as a leader in her life; both concepts she will need as she grows. Include a bit of freedom within those boundaries; “you can play anywhere in your playroom or bedroom with those toys, but not in the living room.” Such boundaries allow her to practice making small decisions and to learn self-control.

7. Active is best.

Preschoolers need to be active! They are driven to move and explore. So make sure you include plenty of active time in each and every day. Television is not an active time so keep it to a minimum.

8. Educational toys are more fun.

Look for action-oriented toys that go along with your preschooler’s action-oriented drive. One-use toys are simply boring at this age. Aim for toys that can be turned into multiple things and imaginative toys that require play-acting.

9. Enlist your preschooler’s cooperation.

Appeal to your little one’s sense of ‘big girl’ or ‘big boy’. Ask him to help you carry the groceries inside or put the laundry away. Show how to fold clothes and set the table. If you start these simple tasks now, they will be habits by the time your child is old enough to do them well.

10. Sleep is good.

Make sure your preschooler gets an adequate amount of sleep each day. Some kids at this age still need naps, some do not. Your little guy or gal will function better, be more cooperative and enjoy each day more with the correct amount of rest. Make sure there is a quiet time in your home each evening that will signal to your preschooler that bed time is arriving.

There you have my 10 parenting tips for preschoolers. Enjoy this special time in your child’s life as she literally absorbs the world around her. It is a magical time for children and parents alike and the relationship you forge with your child at this stage will stay with you both a long, long time.



KASEY

Jennifer A. Gardner asked:


Raising children as a single mother is a challenge. There are moments when you find that your life is in complete disarray and your house is in complete chaos. This is the time when you feel that you lack essential parenting tips as a single mother. It is better to have such arsenal at your disposal before you land in such a situation.

There are numerous ways to deal with various age groups. Confronting strategies for toddlers differ with those for teenagers. Your 16 year old boy is likely to make fun of you if he is told to spend some time in a thinking chair as he is being obstinate, stubborn and aggressive. On the other hand a few minutes time out will do wonders while tackling a 4 year old. So to be successful as a single mother you should have a set of parenting tips for each group.

Material regarding good parenting skills is widely available. A number of genuine and self proclaimed specialists are also around. A list of websites, books and other means in this aspect would probably require paragraphs. To make your life easy I would mention a few here. You can start with a library or a book shop. Single moms bringing up toddlers and smaller children will really benefit from the Parents Magazine. Unfortunately the major content in Parents Magazine is aimed at married parents. Among the various books available, you should go through at least a couple of them. Those who like Dr. Fan will recommend you his books. Dr. Terry Brazelton is an authority on child behavior. He is a father as well as a pediatrician. Even though a number of his books may be out of date, the attitude of babies and other children has remained the same since long. Last of all “The Well Trained Mind” is a good choice for those who want to train their children early.

A number of websites and organizations are available to assist single mothers with parenting tips. A renowned group is Parents without partners. They provide a wide range of information for single mothers. In the UK similar information is available on gingerbread. Early Start and Head Start Programs deliver the same services in the USA. You may not be eligible for their preschool assistance, but you can participate in courses and seminars which they conduct on positive parenting. Last of all you can look for topics like single parenting and single mothers through any search engine on the internet and get the required information. So if you are a single mother in search of parenting tips now you know where and how to get the required information.

If you require some parenting tips just now I can give you a few basics. As an adult you should be in control. Keep yourself composed all the time. This may not be easy, particularly when you find green finger paint all over your kitchen. The moment you become angry and irritable, you lose your composure. Such a situation may make your little child scared. To be successful always be composed and exercise control over your voice and actions.



GRANT