Ask Denny Strecker

JoAnn Collins asked:


Are you a parent of a child with autism, who has been told things,that are not true about your child’s education, by disability educators? Are you a parent who is afraid to stand up to the

deceptions? Would you like to learn six disability advocacy tips, for standing up to some educators who are not truthful? This article will teach you easy to use parenting tips to help you in your fight for your child’s educational life. These tips along with knowledge of the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) will help you in your disability advocacy journey. I will give an example of a common lie that is heard by many parents, and follow up with six tips.

Lie: “I am sorry, we cannot give your child speech therapy, because the category your child receives special education under is a learning disability.” (Be sure that your child is tested in all areas of suspected disability! Some school personnel deny services without even testing the child, to see if the child needs services in a specific area such as speech).

Tip 1: Ask for, in writing, a copy of the state or federal law that the school person is using to deny needed special education services.(IDEA does not allow school districts to base services on labels, only educational needs). For example: “Could you please show me, in writing, the state or federal law that states that you have the right to deny my child an educational service that they need.”

Tip 2: If the disability educator made this statement in a verbal conversation, as soon as possible after the conversation, write the educator and quote what they said. Also, keep a copy. It may be necessary to write the special education person a couple of times, to get a response.

Tip 3: Use the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) to strengthen your position. For Example: “IDEA states that the purpose of the law is to ensure that all children with disabilities have available to them a free appropriate public education that emphasizes special education and RELATED SERVICES designed to meet their UNIQUE NEEDS . . .Section 1400 Purposes.”

Tip 4: Tell the disability educator, in writing, that since they are not able to show you a state or federal law that states that your child’s label determines service (it doesn’t), that you stand by your position that your child needs speech therapy. Remember to be assertively persistent! Also, use testing to prove that your child is below age and grade equivalents to justify related services.

Tip 5: Consider getting an Independent Educational Evaluation (IEE), for your child with a qualified person. For example: If your child has autism, consider taking them to a qualified person who specializes in autism. Make sure they are willing to write a detailed report to include recommendations.

Tip 6: Send the independent educational evaluation report to schoolpersonnel, and ask for an IEP meeting to discuss the evaluator’s recommendations. If possible, have the evaluator participate by telephone. This article has given you six parenting tips that you can use to successfully overcome disability educator’s deceptions. You have the right to hold special educational personnel accountable for giving false information. Good luck in your advocacy journey!



ANTIONE

submit111@gmail.com asked:


It’s not unusual to find both parents working. There may also be times when you have to attend functions as a couple. In both cases, you may need to leave the kids with someone trustworthy.

If you want the peace of mind, the best way is to find the best sitter. The process of getting a sitter however probably is not that simple. What do parents have take note of when picking a sitter?

Start as Soon as Possible

If you want to have a break as a couple, then begin your search for a sitter early. This means planning all your night outs, breaks, work commitments ahead of time. This is to ensure that when you decide to study your sitter options, you have more time to study qualifications and be discriminating.

Study All Your Options

Needless to say, you would want a sitter that can be entrusted with your kids’ safety. A relevant tip therefore is to look at all your options. You can look for sitting services in the paper. Just make sure that the services you choose are ones which conduct some form of background check on their sitters. Another good parenting tip on this aspect is to advertise with your local community organizations or groups. One of the best thing to do however is to ask close relatives and friends to recommend some good sitters.

Ask For a Lot of Things

When you’re done looking for sitters and there are already applicant for the position, start a good screening process. Ask the right questions. Many highly recommend asking for references and actually checking and calling on those references. You should also consider a lot of questions during your interview with potential sitters.

Ask about length of experience as a sitter, ages of kids looked after, training in CPR or other relevant training. Make sure the applicant sitters know what they should do during emergency situations like the child choking or falling down the stairs.

Take the Time to Observe

When you have selected a sitter already, take the time to observe how the sitter interacts with the kids. One parenting tip is to see if the sitter seems naturally comfortable with the kids and vice versa. Another thing to do for additional safety is to install nanny cameras.

Ask the Kids

Always talk to your kids about their experience with their baby sitter. You can ask them to describe what they did that day, if they enjoyed being with their sitter, what new things their sitter taught them and what other things their sitter has been doing. Be sensitive to such warning signs as discomfort among your kids when you ask them sitter related questions and bumps and bruises in inconspicuous parts of your child’s body.



THERON

Veronica Fisher asked:


We’ve been hearing one parenting tip to another. Each and every parenting tip may focus on one aspect of parenthood. A parenting tip may be about raising a toddler, a teen, a gifted child or a difficult child. There is however one other kind of child that should have parents that know a relevant parenting tip— the child of divorced parents. What parenting tip can divorced parents employ to make sure that their kids will be okay?

Protect Your Child First

A straightforward parenting tip is that your child should be your number one priority. This parenting tip implies that even before you decide to get a divorce, you should make sure that your children are safeguarded from parental conflict. Hearing you and your spouse quarrel or making kids feel an impending divorce even before you announce it may make them prone to negative or destructive feelings. Your children may even blame themselves for what is happening. Although your kids may have an idea of the conflict, it is better for them to hear a good explanation from you.

Communicate as a Family

A crucial parenting tip is for you to temporarily put aside your differences with your spouse and decide to come together as a family. It is a useful parenting tip to gather your children, explain to them honestly that you are getting a divorce. Tell them that the situation may be a little sad for all of you but that you are all still going to find a way to lead normal lives. At this point it is crucial for you to listen to your children and encourage them to relay what’s on their minds or ask their questions.

Be Supportive of Your Co-Parent

The most important parenting tip after the divorce is to openly support the idea of co-parenting. Regardless of who gets full custody, be certain that your ex also has equal time and responsibility for your children. Make your kids feel that it is perfectly okay to spend some time with the other parent. The parenting tip on co-parenthood may also mean that you may have to temporarily forget your conflict with your spouse and come together to talk about your children. Communicate with each other the needs and the changes which your kids are undergoing.

Continuously Monitor Your Kids

Even if one parent is far away, a suggested parenting tip is to device a way to both keep your eyes on your kids. Be sensitive to how your kids are behaving. It is a parenting tip to take note of indications that your kid is distressed with the current arrangements. Monitor school performance and peer activities. Continue communicating with your child even though he/she is apparently doing well in school.

Ask For Help When Necessary

If things are going out of hand, a practical parenting tip is to look for professional help. This parenting tip means that you may have to look for counseling options. It may be difficult for you to think about it but a trained counselor may be able to reach out to your child in ways that you may not be aware of. Counseling for you may be beneficial too. Getting in touch with support groups may also be a good idea.



HASSAN

Colleen Langenfeld asked:


Do you have a child between the ages of 5 and 9? That special season is a time of enormous growth and development and can be a whirlwind to observe. I am privileged to be parenting my fourth elementary-age child. Here are some of my favorite 10 parenting tips for early school-age kids.

1. It’s a big world.

The first few years of school are exciting and stressful. Learning how to listen to adults besides mom and dad and being on their own for several hours each day is a tremendous leap forward in a child’s life. As a parent, keep in mind this transition your child is moving through and be patient and understanding.

2. Give them your confidence.

A child this age often will doubt his abilities. Sometimes he will verbalize this lack of self-confidence; sometimes it stays his little secret. You can help him by sharing your own confidence in his abilities with him. Be matter-of-fact about his talents and express your utter confidence in him, even if you have your own set of concerns.

3. Be interested.

What is your child learning about school? How did recess go? What is her favorite part of school? What is bugging her? Staying interested in your child’s daily life goes a long ways towards establishing a healthy on-going relationship.

4. Friendships count.

An elementary-age child is learning a lot about friendships. What works and frustratingly, what doesn’t. They are also learning that families operate differently; what is a vital rule in your own family may not matter at all in another family. Learning that people do things differently is an important lesson at this stage.

5. Talk values.

This is the age to solidify what values are important to your family with your child. Ideas such as:

- We are kind. Why is this important?

- We are fair, even when others are not.

- We tell the truth, even when it gets us into trouble.

These important concepts MUST be cemented in your child now if you want him to live by them when he gets to the teen years.

6. Don’t overload.

In this day of multiple after school activities, it’s easy to pile on too much for the average primary-schooler. Her main ‘job’ is school, so give adequate time, space and support to homework. Once that is finished, free playtime is important at this age as most kids spend several hours a day sitting at a desk and being quiet.

7. Family time is a priority.

Daily dinnertime together, a weekly game night, chores done as a team, a quiet time reading or enjoying music together, playing sports as a family; any of these ideas and many, many more are great ways to foster a sense of family in your home. Make sure you make together-time a priority.

8. Celebrate the team.

Kids this age need to know they are a part of something bigger than themselves and the family structure can fill that need beautifully. Worshipping, playing and working together are smart ways to build your family’s strength for the years ahead as well as enjoy each other today.

9. Have a family ‘thing’.

Drawing on parenting tip #8, decide on a fun hobby the whole family can enjoy and jump right in. You can bike, go camping, build model trains, raise bunnies, volunteer in your community, or investigate the stars together. Trust me, nothing will build family memories easier or better than a shared family hobby.

10. Teach personal responsibility.

This parenting tip is vital for your child’s long-term well-being. And it’s simple enough to instill. Chores, homework and learning new skills like musical instruments or sports activities are excellent ways to teach your school-aged child more and more about being responsible for himself and his possessions.

Now you have 10 parenting tips for elementary-age children. Each one of these tips has been time-tested in my home and thousands of other homes over the years. These parenting tips work…but only if you PUT them to work with your family. Enjoy your family more by taking the guesswork out of parenting. Establish these simple guidelines and reduce your parenting stress load today.



NATHANIAL

submit111@gmail.com asked:


The world is fast becoming a huge global community. There was a time when it seemed impossible to cross the boarders of different cultures. Today, it is a common occurrence to come across people of different races. Because of these cross cultural encounters, many individuals find spouses of different racial heritages.

There are also some families who find themselves starting lives on the shores of a different country. In such cases, these parents are more than ever in need of a good parenting tip. This is because these parents need to contemplate the need to raise their children in a bilingual environment. Why is bilingualism necessary in some families and what parenting tip do bilingual parents need?

Raising kids in a bilingual environment is actually in itself a good parenting tip. This parenting tip is highly recommended by some bilingual parents for a variety of reasons. Some parents simply feel that bilingual children simply have broader opportunities, better cultural understanding and greater awareness of the global community as bilingual speakers. A parenting tip to encourage bilingualism however should not be given lightly. There are some difficulties involved. Someone who accepts this parenting tip should be aware that some children may find learning two languages difficult or may insist on one language just to fit in. Bilingual parents therefore should consider another parenting tip or a couple of other useful ideas.

Make a Family Decision

The most important parenting tip for bilingual parents is to consciously make the decision as a team. It is a highly recommended parenting tip that both parents feel comfortable about the arrangement. Otherwise one parent may not be supportive at all. Neglecting this parenting tip may make matters unpleasant for one parent and for the children.

Start Early and Be Consistent

Another parenting tip is to start as soon as possible. Some parents may recommend that bilingualism should be introduced as early as infancy. They also offer the additional parenting tip of consistency. Do not stray from your resolve and your methods for bilingual training. At the same time, avoid fierce criticism. This may only push your children into dismissing the minor language.

Use Techniques

An additional parenting tip is to use tried and tested techniques. Some parents both insist on speaking the minority language while at home and allow their children to speak the majority language while outside. In some families, one parent speaks the minority language while the other speaks the majority language when speaking to their children.

Be More Creative

A good parenting tip is to be more creative. Instead of just using proven language teaching techniques, you can also use books, video CDs and playgroups to teach children the minority language. You can also enroll your children in a bilingual school or hire some help who can speak the minority language fluently. You should also consider visiting or constantly communicating with relatives of the minority speaking parent. If there is a bilingual family nearby, make friends with them and introduce your kids to theirs.

Consult Experts

A final parenting tip is to consult language or education experts when you are clueless about the situation. This may be especially relevant for parents who may have a child who has language difficulties. If your child has difficulty speaking at a very advanced age, it may be an indication of deeper problems and should not be simply dismissed as difficulty with managing two languages.



ALEXANDER

Barbara Beccari asked:


As parents we are our children’s very earliest teacher – a very important role – so we need to model for our children the kinds of behaviours that we wish them to follow. Creating a relationship based on respect for each other, appreciating them as they are and encouraging them towards responsibility and independence are important goals for parents in nurturing their young child.

Here are 7 tips to being an inspiring first teacher for your child and to having a loving and close relationship with them:

1. Show your child respect by giving them lots of cuddles and time

2. Get down to their eye level and really listen to what they are saying. Listen with your lips shut as well as with your heart

3. Understand things more from their perspective and talk about their feelings

4. Appreciate the things they can do and praise them

5. Let them have a go first as they try new things instead of doing things for them

6. Allow them to do some little jobs like helping put toys away. This helps them learn to be responsible

7. Notice the things they can do by themselves as they get older and praise them. This will encourage your child to keep on striving to achieve new goals and eventually become independent

When you parent your little one keeping these 7 tips in mind, you will be building a wonderful close bond, while encouraging them to grow and develop to their full potential. And isn’t that after all what we as parents want most of all?



KARL

Len Stauffenger asked:


These are the first 5 of 10 Effective Parenting Tips – look for the next 5 in our next article.

Your kids deserve your very best all the time. You’ve only got one chance to mold them into the kind of adult who is productive, thoughtful, enthusiastic, visionary and hardworking. You won’t always feel good about doing what is necessary, but remembering that you’ve only got one chance to get it right for them will help you do what you need to do. Here are five effective parenting tips to help you:

1. There Is No Tomorrow. You’ve only got right now, today, to do the right thing and to be there emotionally for your children.. Once this “right now” is gone, it’s gone forever. Decide that you will make the most of every single moment as often as possible. Decide that you will give them your complete attention even if it means setting your stuff aside. Of course you won’t be at the 100% level. No one is. But if you decide in this right now moment to utilize as many of the following right now moments with your kid’s benefit held at the forefront, they will benefit from your decision.

2. Begin With The End In Mind. It won’t do any good when your child is eighteen years old to look back and wish you’d done things differently. Right now is when you get to make the decisions that will affect his getting to eighteen. Think through what you’d like that to be and then think about how you’ll have to “be” in the intervening years to help your child accomplish that. Be sure to listen to what your child says he wants and weave that into the plan. Help your child become an achiever. Your primary goal as a parent is to give your children the tools that they can use to lead happy, healthy and successful lives. That’s all that matters. That is your magnificent obsession. Remind yourself each day of the goal you’re working towards and remind yourself that it doesn’t happen in a single day.

3. Your Influence Is Greatest Every Day. Teaching is what you do every time you interact with your children. And it always happens today. There isn’t a moment when you are not teaching your children – if you’re helping with schoolwork, watching their team sports or just sitting down to the family meals. It doesn’t matter if you’re having dinner in your kitchen or if you’re a part-time parent who is having dinner at McDonald’s. What matters is that you’re really there. You are a guide and an anchor. Know that you are a teacher, that you are a role model. That’s how you will have the greatest impact on your children. Parenting is about the millions of “small things” and not about big events or sounding great when you talk about them. It’s about the quiet times and the little things.

4. Listen To Them. You’ll Be Amazed. One of the most important things you can do to fully be with your children is to listen to them with full attention. When that little voice in your head is rattling on incessantly about the past or the future, or coming up with an answer to what you think they’re saying, you’re not really hearing what they say. If you’re not present with your children, they know it. What is the message you’re telling them if you’re not present? They’re not worthy? They’re not important? They’re not valuable? Stop. Look. Listen. That means stop what you’re doing, stop watching the T.V., stop reading the paper, stop thinking about other things. Look. Look into their eyes, you’re less likely to be distracted when you’re looking into their eyes. Listen. Don’t let that voice in your head drown them out. Sometimes to make sure I’m listening, I will repeat in my head what they’re saying.

5. Control Your Emotions. Don’t yell at your children. If you yell at children, they do not hear you. Instead, you’re simply upsetting them. That doesn’t mean if you’ve yelled at your children, you’re going to destroy their psyche. Remember, take the long view. We’re building a foundation one brick at a time. None of us is perfect. Yelling at your children and upsetting them once will have no effect on them. Yelling at them the entire time they grow up, well…..let’s hope that somehow children who have to deal with that eventually learn how to overcome it. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle. The point here is that it’s not effective. It’s not promoting your magnificent obsession. See if you can pinpoint what kicks off that emotion. It’s not your children. Keep in mind your goal of being a great parent and then create a disconnect. Emotions aren’t a bad thing. The problem is that we have triggers that release our emotions without thinking.

If you use these effective parenting tips, you’ll be on your way to a healthy and happier relationship with your children. Look for five more tips in our next installment in this series.



LYNDON

Jack Rock asked:


Parenting in itself is a challenging task. Sometimes we can shift from one parenting tip to another and still have trouble with some aspects of parenting. Parenting becomes even more challenging when one is the parent of a gifted child. What kind of a parenting tip can a parent resort to in such a case? Sometimes raising a gifted child may also require a special parenting tip of some sort.

Recognize Giftedness

It’s true. Most parents want to believe that their kids are gifted in some way. While it may be true that different kids have different talents and intelligences, there are simply some kids who are way over the top. The foremost parenting tip is to recognize if your child is truly gifted. Attached to this parenting tip is the parenting tip on looking for the common signs. Your child may be gifted if he can finish work exceedingly faster than his peers. He may also be able to read and understand material that is not intended for his age. Your gifted child may also exhibit above average abilities in the arts or other fields.

Ask for Help

This is not necessarily next to the parenting tip of recognition. This however, may be a helpful parenting tip for parents who are unsure how to proceed or who have gifted children who are unusually difficult to handle emotionally. A suggested parenting tip is to have your child tested by professionals. You may also ask for special assistance from school counselors or ask them to recommend special ways to help your child.

Unconditional Love

Probably one key parenting tip to ensure that your gifted child grows up well adjusted is to communicate unconditional love and acceptance. You should communicate with your child and tell him that you love him for who he is and not because he can perform well in school or because he does things perfectly. While it is also a good parenting tip to show appreciation and praise for achievement, make sure that you tell your kid that you would still love him anyway even if he didn’t get a perfect score or an honor ribbon.

Reality Check

A related parenting tip to unconditional love is making sure that your child knows that not everything can be perfect at all times. This is a crucial parenting tip because gifted children may easily get frustrated as grown ups when things don’t always go their way.

Variety of Learning Experiences

One good parenting tip involves diversity. Gifted children may easily get bored over something they’ve easily mastered. Introduce a variety of topics and learning experiences. This will give you the chance to discover his strong points of interest and keep his learning topics at a healthy balance. Part of this parenting tip is to also school your child on social matters. It may be well and good to let him watch various educational books and CDs but consider letting him join play groups. Let him socialize with other kids.

Do Not Overload

While is a good parenting tip to offer various learning experiences, it is also important not to overdo it. You may have enrolled your child in violin classes, swimming lessons, advanced math classes, reading group and a variety of other classes. You might also just be treating a child like an adult with so many responsibilities. We all know it’s not pleasant to be overloaded so go easy on your kid. Remember, your child is still essentially a child so let him enjoy a little play and childish relaxation.



MARIANO

Joseph Then asked:


If you are a parent, you would have encountered people giving you different types of parenting tips. They will often tell you how well it works for them. Sometimes it can be a little confusing but we must appreciate their help. The issue is to know which one is applicable for your parenting style. All that you need to do is to learn how to evaluate each tips and extract those that are useful for you.

Determining Usefulness

The first step is to determine if you can or want to use a tip. Obviously, you will ruin into tips that you just do not agree with or feel are just not for you. Those you can disregard. However, more often you will likely be unsure if a tip is useful. Try the following to see if those tips are useful for you:

- Ask yourself if it seem reasonable.

- Determine is you would actually do this.

- Think about how it would work for you and your kids.

If you are still not sure if the tip is good, what you can do it give it a try and see the result.

Trial and Error

As mentioned, the next thing to do is try the tips out. See if they do work. If something doesn’t work then let it go. If that tip works for your kids, put it in your list of skills.

Sometimes you can not tell if something will work unless you give it a try and there is nothing wrong with that.

Ways to Use Them

Parenting tips come in many forms and you may wonder how the heck to even use a tip. Sometimes you may feel overwhelmed. When you get a good tip try writing it down and when a good time comes up use it. You do not have to feel pressured to change your style to parenting just because they are the best parenting tips in the world. Let them happen naturally. Use them if you need them. Do not impose youself to apply the tips as you can drive yourself nuts and perhaps for your kids too.

Parenting tips can be nice. At all times try not to strike them off immediately. Try to see if you can use them and you may be surprised at what you can learn. It is amazing sometimes just how great parenting tips can be. Just do not let the people think that you are not a good parent because of your different approach to parenting. Parenting tips are given so that they can build up your skillset.



ALONZO

Foster W. Cline MD And Lisa Greene asked:


I knew I was in trouble. She ripped the oxygen sensor off her finger and refused to put it back on.

Recovering from surgery isn’t easy for anyone but it’s especially challenging when the patient is only seven. My daughter was grumpy and uncooperative. That was understandable but not helping the situation. Coming out of surgery, she needed to be monitored; the medical sensors weren’t optional. Kasey was not responding well to the doses of loving kindness and patience shown by those around her. There was nothing anyone could do to satisfy her. She was simply cranky.

“I need a blanket!” I pull up the blanket. She kicks it off with a scowl: “I’m too hot.” Then, “I’m thirsty!” The nurse says, “You’ll throw up. You need to wait awhile.” “No, I want water now!” she cries pitifully. Heart aching, I ask for some water. They give her a red popsicle. That should make her happy if anything will. One little nibble and she resumes her wails for water. “Can’t we give her a little water?” I ask. “What’s the worst that can happen?” So we gave her some water and she was satisfied. Then, she promptly threw up.

I start running through all of my good Love and Logic tools that might help to insure the oxygen sensor stays on her finger. What might work? Enforceable statements? Nah, not the right thing at this moment. Empathy? Yeah but I’m already giving her lots of that. Choices? Ah ha! Let’s try that one. “Would you like the sensor on your finger or your toe?” No response except the stubbornly set chin and a turn of the head.

With a heavy sigh, it struck me again how hard it is to set limits around misbehavior when our child is sick and in pain. When our children are hurting, it is so natural for everyone around them to acquiesce to every demand. We feel so badly for them and just want to make it all better – make it all go away. For a short period of time, that might be tolerable and not harmful. Sometimes we all need a little extra leeway and grace. But when giving leeway impedes good health care or giving understanding enables poor health decisions then thoughtful parenting choices become critical. And correct parenting responses are even more critical when pain and sickness are a part of everyday life.

These circumstances lead many children to understandably become more demanding and entitled. However, continually bowing down to the constant, and at times unreasonable, demands of a spoiled tyrant can be wearing on everyone in the house. And sadly, it doesn’t even help the demanding child that parents may be attempting to pacify. Illness and pain make it hard to know where to draw the line. At what point does a parent say, “I am happy to bring you a popsicle when you ask me nicely?” And how many parents are really strong enough to withstand the tantrum that is likely to ensue?

When a child is chronically ill, guilt often kicks in along with close cousins: sympathy and fear. Guilt, sympathy and fear can control our parental responses before we are really even aware of them. As we trot off to retrieve the demanded item for an ill child, the thought might not even occur to us to accept only polite requests. And if the thought “I don’t like how she is treating me” does occur, it gets drowned out by the other thoughts like “Give her a break, she doesn’t feel well” or “She might get even sicker if I don’t do as she asks” or “I want all of her moments to be happy ones so I won’t say no” or “I have no energy to handle the fighting that is sure to happen if I say no.”

The problem is that the more we give in to a tyrant, the more he demands. Hitler is the extreme example that appeasement simply doesn’t work; not for dictators and not for children. We are all part of the same human race with the same only too human nature that says: “I want more.” All who have spent time around a strong willed two- or three-year-old know the truth of Lawrence Kutner’s statement, “The fundamental job of a toddler is to rule the universe.” Left unchecked, demanding toddlers grow up to become controlling and demanding adults.

So, what is a parent to do? How do we best insure that our children cope with their health challenges in productive ways? How do we help them grow up into adults who are respectful, responsible, and hopeful?

Effectively responding to an ill and demanding child starts with an awareness of the dangers of an entitled mentality. Although parents may put up with a child who is demanding, rude, or lacking self control, the real world of adulthood is much less accepting. The best gift a parent can give a child is the opportunity to learn how to treat others with respect and to guide them in taking responsibility for getting their own needs met instead of demanding that others meet those needs.

Parents must effectively deal with arguments when setting limits. One-liners can be very effective. A calmly delivered response such as “I love you too much to argue” can turn down the heat when tempers start to flare – on both sides.

Share control as much as possible. Children who are chronically ill have less control over their bodies, time and circumstances than other kids. Allowing children to make as many decisions as possible helps them feel like they at least have some control in their own lives.

Parents must take good care of themselves by setting loving limits around how they are treated. Gently delivered phrases such as “I will listen to you as soon as your voice is calm like mine” or “I am happy to do nice things for you when I feel treated with respect” or “I’ll get you the remote control when you ask nicely” will help your child learn to treat you, and others, with respect.

When children make mistakes, including treating others badly, wise parents respond with empathy and sadness rather than anger and frustration before delivering consequences. “Oh sweetheart, this is so sad. All of this arguing (or disrespect) has really worn me out today so I won’t be taking you on your play date. Maybe we can try again tomorrow.”

As I gazed at my daughter’s firmly set chin and pursed lips, I pondered how to handle this oxygen sensor issue. I knew telling her to “just do it” wasn’t going to cut it. That would only make her dig in and be more resistant. Of course in the extreme, the doctors could make her keep it on but that’s not what I wanted to do. Forcing a child to comply might win the battle but loses the war of building character and internal ability to make good decisions.

In the end, it was simply allowing her to the freedom to make her own decisions that did it and trusting that she was a good decision-maker if given information in a matter-of-fact manner without showing my frustration. “Sweetheart, I understand you don’t like it but I don’t think it’s a wise decision to keep the sensor off. If your body starts to get sick then the doctors won’t know it and it could be a problem for you. So what do you think you’ll do here?” I could see the wheels turning….



And without a word, she picked up the sensor and popped it back onto her finger. Oh wise child!



JAMES