Ask Denny Strecker

Neelima Reddy asked:


Toddlers always scream in public. It can be embarrassing situation for every parent while parenting toddlers. Parents face difficulty when they take their toddlers for dining out. Here are effective ways in parenting toddler while dining out.

Effective ways in parenting toddler while dining out:

1. Preparation and practice! If you have preparation and practice while parenting toddler, dining out can be an enjoyabe experinece for the entire family. Dealing with infant needs only preparation, but parenting toddler requires both aspects.

2. Disruptive behavior! Toddlers behave in disruptive way when they are hungry, need a diaper change or tired. Toddlers get bored during the waiting periods that are a part of restaurant dining which leads to disruptive behavior. Parenting toddler is easy if you prepare for these situations before only.

3. Selecting the restaurant! Restaurant selection is the first step in preparation. Find out whether the tables are set far apart that other diners will not be disturbed by your toddler noise. Find whether there is a place for breastfeeding so that a mother can feel comfortable nursing her toddler.

Find if there is room for diaper changing. Find out whether the restaurant is busy and the peak dining hours. If the restaurant is busy, quick service will not be there.

4. Practice in parenting toddler! When you enter the restaurant, practice comes into picture. You have to teach the toddler how to dine out. Start small and work your way. When you are starting to teach your toddler, select a family friendly place so that they will accept the behavior and noise of toddlers. Fast food places are the better option to teach toddlers in the beginning.

5. Don’t choose! Do not chose the restaurant which have play ground types of acivities and equipment for children. Such type of restaurants encourages loud behavior which is not what you are trying to accomplish. Once your toddler is habituated with fast paced settings, you can slowly work on your way to more formal settings.

6. Be prepared while parenting toddler! Bring a blanket for breastfeeding at the table. Make sure to have plenty of formula for a bottle fed baby. For a toddler, bring finger foods or light snacks to nibble while waiting for the main dish. Arrange the dining time to coincide with the normal mealtime of the toddler. Don’t offer unnecessarily to save his appetite for the meal.

7. Time is important! Select the time as it is important factor. You can choose nap time for young infant because baby can sleep happily in car seat or in your lap with breast or bottle while you can have peaceful meal.

While parenting toddler, select the time for best performance level for meal out. If your toddler is tired and meal timings are changed, it can lead to difficult situation.

8. No boredom! While parenting toddler, come prepared with the things so that they cannot get bored. Encourage them to do their own activities so that you can spend some time with your dining companions. You can get crayons and coloring books so that your toddler can enjoy.

9. Get the toddler things! While parenting toddler, bring your own supplies. Toddler cup with spill proof lid, paper towels or napkins, and package of baby wipes are good preventive measures.

10. Quick getaway! Be prepared to make a quick getaway if necessary. If your toddler behavior makes that necessary, you can simply getaway. Don’t bribe or bargain a toddler for good behavior. You feel inconveneint getting up and leaving at that moment but it can lead to long term behavioral gains.

With preparation and practice, parenting toddlers will become easy at the restaurant. While parenting toddlers, you have to remember these things so that the toddlers follow and carry into other social situations and make meals at home more pleasant.

Visit Parenting Tips Blog



JAROD

Colin Tipping asked:


Few people going through a messy divorce in mid-life would blame their own parents for their predicament. Neither would a business owner betrayed by a trusted partner normally think in those terms.  A person who loses his job every five years would also not say that his grandfather was to blame. 

Yet there may be some justification for people making just such an accusation, even about the most loving and dedicated parents, step parents or grandparents.  Because, the fact is, much of what happens to people in their adult life has a connection to unhealed childhood wounds inflicted by their parents. 

Such woundings run the gamut from the most terrible forms of physical and sexual abuse, to a parent showing a very subtle preference for a sibling.  From walking out of a child’s life and never contacting him or her again, to making a careless remark or joke that simply hits home.  Some of what came to mean so much to a child in his or her later life might have been nothing more than a seemingly innocuous remark.  Yet it hurt and it became a limitation.

Children don’t have the emotional skills to deal with pain of this kind, so it tends to get buried.  However, the human being’s innate urge to heal any wound, be it of a physical, emotional or spiritual nature, will always look for opportunities to bring that pain to the surface for healing.  That’s why the wound will naturally be acted out in later life many times over.  The wound will show up as a pattern in one’s life in which one creates a series of events or situations that have qualities about them reminiscent of the event that caused the original wounding. 

Once any one of these situations is recognized for what it truly is — an opportunity to heal — then this is when Radical Forgiveness is called for.  For over a decade I have been helping people forgive all sorts of situations in their lives using Radical Forgiveness.  But seldom is it that their presenting situation does not connect back to an original childhood wound and the beliefs the child formed as a result of it. Examples are: I’ll never be any good; I’m not enough; I am unlovable; I have to be perfect to be loved; I’ll  always be second, and so on.

That’s why I have created the 21-Day Program for Forgiving Your Parents. It’s called “Breaking Free.”  As an internet-based program, it has global reach and is already helping thousands of people all around the world break free from the pain of their childhood and liberate themselves from the kind of negative “I am” beliefs that go with it.  Once people have healed their early childhood wounds, their need to create situations that mirror them disappears.  They are free to live their lives with their energy invested in the now, not the past.  They have literally broken free.  This program can be seen and explained at the web site, www.forgiveparents.com.

Copyright 2008 Colin Tipping



TOMMIE

Barbara Beccari asked:


Even though talking to our children is really important, because that is how they learn, we need to be particularly mindful that we are also listening from their point of view. This is so important, because not only does it help develop their language and cognitive skills, but it is a wonderful way for our children’s self-esteem to grow because they are being heard. Listening deeply to your child is one essential way to have a close and connected relationship with them.

To ensure that you are truly listening to your child ask yourself these seven questions:

1. Do you spend more time talking to your child rather than listening?

2. Do you finish their sentences for them?



3. Do you interrupt?

4. Do you plan what you are going to say before your child has finished?



5. Do you give your child the answer or solution rather than let them work it out for themselves?

6. Do you ask your child closed or open ended questions?

(Closed questions are ones to which you can answer a simple yes or no. Open ended questions do what they say – they open up the conversation.)

7. Do you ask yourself at the end of every day: “Have I really listened to my child today?”

If your answers to these questions have left you thinking that you need to listen to your children more, what a great step you are now able to take to ensure a loving closeness with your children and what an opportunity you will give them to boost their self-esteem. Their opinions and ideas will be heard and they will very much be a part of your family’s decision making. Such a gift you will give!

If your answers to these questions left you thinking that you do listen to your children well – congratulations – you are giving your children a great start as they are able to express their feelings and thoughts and contribute to family discussion.

The bottom line is that listening deeply to our children is so important and once we as parents are aware of that, we can listen with our lips shut and with our hearts, to give our kids every opportunity to express who they really are.



RONALD

Kelly Nault-Matzen asked:


Even though we need a license to do many things in life — everything from driving and operating a forklift to practicing medicine and fishing — there is no license required to become a parent and this is often the trickiest of all of the above activities!

Parenting today is far more difficult than it was, even a generation ago. Many well-intentioned parents are using outdated and ineffective parenting styles. As a result, they experience daily frustration and stress in their home.

Below you will find my top 7 tips for good parenting. These tips inspire children to want to be well behaved, can reduce family fights and boost family joy.

Good Parenting Tip #1 – If you love your kids—put yourself first!

One of the best things we can do for our children is to give them a foundation for becoming a happy and healthy adult. Self-care should not be a luxury for parents—it needs to become a necessity. You need self-care both for being a good parent and a healthy and balanced human being. Far too many children are living with parents who are stressed out and frankly, not at all fun to be around. If you are repeatedly burning the midnight oil, you may be on the brink of parent burnout—not a pleasant thing for you or your family to experience.

Good Parenting Tip #2 – If married—put your marriage before your kids!

Most of us have heard of Generation X and Generation Y. But did you realize that Generation S—Generation Spoiled—is on the rise? Many children today are raised with an unhealthy sense of entitlement because their parents have made them the center of the universe. With divorce statistics still hovering around 50%, children are far too often coping with unhappy, failing marriages and divorce– much worse for them than missing out on a couple of toys or brand name jeans. Take a stand and put some time into your marriage (like go on a date night)—for your whole family’s sake!

Good Parenting Tip #3 – Cherish your children

No matter what your situation—no matter how often your children drive you crazy—know there are thousands of people in this world who would gladly trade places with you. There are couples who would give anything to just have a child. Strive to remember how truly fortunate you are. Hug your children at least three times a day. Regularly tell them how grateful you are to have the opportunity to be their parent.

Good Parenting Tip #4 – Teach your kids to fish—don’t fish for them!

Many parents do everything for their kids. This only robs their children of the opportunity to learn self-reliance—which is vital to building their self-esteem. One of the best things you can do is to help your kids learn how to do things for themselves. One of the chapters of my first book on effective parenting is called "How To Get Your Kids Doing Their Chores Smiling". Some parents think I am from another planet when I even suggest that kids can learn to do chores with a smile on their face. These same doubting parents are often happily surprised when they see it is possible—in their own home and in this century! Household chores teach basic life skills everyone needs to know. Also, chores give children the opportunity to contribute to the household in a positive and meaningful way.

Good Parenting Tip #5 – Focus on what you like, not on what you don’t

If children aren’t being appreciated and aren’t getting attention for what they do well—and when they behave well—you better believe they will learn to get attention for not behaving well. The more you notice what you like about what they’re doing, the less likely they are to morph into destructive little terrors and the more likely you will inspire your child to repeat the good behaviors and achievements you love.

Good Parenting Tip #6 – Give respect and expect it in return

Don’t do anything to your child that you wouldn’t want your child to do to you. The list of things you don’t want to be doing includes: yelling, hitting, spitting, and put downs. There are far better ways for you to handle conflict, stress and common misbehaviors. Commit to learning these “Ultimate Parenting” tools that are based on mutual respect—not fear based punishment that only teaches our kids to not get caught next time!

Good Parenting Tip #7 – A family that plays together stays together!

Have fun—play with your kids. Laughing, tickling, and enjoying one another’s company is the foundation of a happy home. Having fun can go a long way towards preventing much of the needless conflict and behaviors that drive you crazy. It also provides your family with much needed quality time.

These seven effective parenting tips above are child-proofed, effective and fun. By taking the time to learn how to bring out the best in you and in your children, you will reap the rewards that come from the peace of mind—knowing that you did all you could to support and nurture a happy and healthy family life.



ADOLPH

Tom Tessin asked:


Do you have child who have recently started the college? If yes, this might be very hard time for you and children at present. You may realized that your kid is no now longer a kid any more and they are adult now. Though we want best for our kids there are a few things that we must keep in mind. You will see lot of dos & don’ts for your kid who is in college. Read below & see what you are doing is right or wrong.

Look at what you speak – As parents we see our kids strengths. We may make out what they are good & what they can really do well in career. Though we can observe these things and we cannot stress it on our kids. A kid who is in the college probably knows what want to do & what they have passion for. You will just say, “You would be actually good in that vocation” but do not force a kind of vocation on them. Never try and make them feel responsible for not selecting the vocation you think that they must do.

Classes – You would like to ensure that you don’t select your child’s classes. As your child knows very well what they like & will take classes that they prefer. And if you opt your child’s lessons you might be choosing courses they actually don’t need and classes they do not want. If child doesn’t like classes that you choose they might do badly in them & leave you annoyed for failing. As a result make sure never select their classes as they are adult now & can decide them themselves.

Consider community college – And if your kid is going local and going away then you must consider community college for first 2 years. Going to community college for first 2 years will save you ton of cash on the tuition. First 2 years are generally all common education classes & is taken at community college for very less money. And this is absolutely something you must think if you have tight budget.

Advisors – Allow your child to know that advisors at the college are like best friend. In addition, if your kid comes to know what they like to do, then let them talk to the advisor. What advisor does they will inform you what classes you require & what classes you do not require. You do not have to waste money and child’s time.

Speak out – When your kid is in the college they have many things going over in their mind. Try and talk to child & see how they are going in the school. Do not be a bug & ask their ranks every time but ask over how they like class instead. Inquiring about how they like class can show them you care & think of them. You need to get familiar with them & know what type of classes they are generally taking.



RICKY

Terre Grable asked:


Single parents and teenagers – these two words bring to mind the most challenging phases of life. I know because I was raised by a single parent, and not so long ago I was a teenager. I remember the life challenges my own mother encountered as a single parent. Here are 5 tips to help you navigate the ever changing challenges of being a single parent:

1. Remember you are still a family

Regardless of the circumstances your family is still a family – even if it does not have two parents. There are many single parent families that are emotionally healthy. It is a matter of choice, not luck. They choose to make their families emotionally healthy, fun and one that is filled with positive memories.

Parent Tip: Think about the ideals that you want your family to be known for, and write them down. Perhaps make a door hanger or craft that contains symbols of these ideals to remind you of them.

2 Talk with your teen about their feelings

As you may know, your teen may also be experiencing feelings of loss. Regardless of the age and circumstances, your child may have feelings of sadness or anger or just feeling different than their peers. Allow your son/daughter to talk to about how they are feeling. This will also help the relationship you have with them. If you are concerned about your teenger’s adjustment to the divorce, then I suggest you find a qualified professional counselor to help your teenager.

Parent Tip: Look for teachable moments. Those special times when you know your teen is really listening to you, and is engaged, and take advantage of it. Teachable moments are a rarity, so seize the moment. Fina a qualified professional counselor for your teenager to talk with to help adjust to the divorce.

3. Stay involved.

As best you can, continue to be involved in their lives. Show them you are still committed to them despite your stresses. Consistency in your behavior will shout louder than your words.

Parent Tip: Attend school functions. Find those things you both have to do anyways throughout the week and do them together. Eat meals together. Go for a morning or evening walk together.

4. Teach responsibility

Teenagers are usually begging for parents to give them their independence. One of the best ways to teach responsibility is to give them chores to do around the home. Address chores not as something you are nagging them to do, but an opportunity for your teenager to show he/she is responsible to handle more independence.

Parent Tip: Start with small responsibilities and then work into more independence with greater responsibilities. For example, you may begin with teaching them to do their own laundry before letting them drive your vehicle.

5. Live within your means.

As a counselor, I have often seen where parents incur a great deal of financial debt in order to “care” for their teenagers. They want them to have the right kind of clothes, have their own cars and other “necessities” the teenager says they “need.” This approach is lose-lose for everyone. Teenagers are not taught about proper spending, and the parents’ credit card bills stack up as does their financial stress.

Parent Tip: Educate your child on healthy spending habits. If they are of employment age, have them work to earn money to pay for their own “necessities.” Likewise, educate yourself on healthy spending habits.

Single parenting may not be the ideal parenting circumstances. However, it can be done right with children that are happy, confident, and achievers. Each parent can play an essential role in their children’s well being. How about you? Are you struggling being a single parent? Take the reigns of being a single parent to make a difference in the life of your teenager! Do it now before your teenager becomes



KRAIG

Veronica Fisher asked:


Parenting has undeniably become a more complex reality than ever before. One of the crucial issues in the aspect of modern parenting is same sex parenting. Although it may be true that same sex parents may have existed even before this century, the issue has become more prominent in the modern age. There may be a variety of reasons for this, but whatever the reason, same sex parents and their families are on the social spot light.

Some support while others criticize same sex parents and these parents are probably out looking for a good parenting tip amidst all the hoopla. Same sex parents are still parents and are therefore equally as concerned for their children as heterosexual parents. Their need for a relevant parenting tip in a world where each parenting tip is for heterosexual parents is immediate. What can be a good parenting tip for same sex parents?

Be Honest

The foremost parenting tip for same sex parents involves honesty. There is, after all, no point in being with a partner you love if you have to keep it from your children. A recommended parenting tip therefore is to explain your situation to your children as soon as they are able to understand. When should parents speak up? Another crucial parenting tip is knowing when the appropriate time is. Kids are different from each other. Some mature faster than others. It is generally accepted though that kids today have an early recognition and understanding of reality as kids a few decades ago. A good parenting tip is to know your kids yourself. As a parent you know when the right time is.

Build a Close Relationship

Crucial to the parenting tip on honesty is the parenting tip on building good relationships with your kids. It’s easier to be honest with a child with whom you are close with. At an early age, be your child’s favorite playmate, confidante and best friend. Make your child comfortable with you by spending as much time with him/her. Make him/her feel that you will be around to help and that it’s okay to tell you things. Any parenting tip would tell you that building a close relationship starts while your child is at a young age.

Communicate Love and Logic

While you’re at the parenting tip on building a meaningful relationship, make sure that your relationship is based both on love and logic. Tell your kids that being gay doesn’t necessarily mean that you are less successful than other people. Tell them too that being gay doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll love them less or provide for them less. Tell them that there is no connection between being gay and being an incapable and unfit parent.

Accept Reality

An important parenting tip for same sex parents is the acceptance of reality. Sure, gay couples accept their being homosexuals. What they should also accept however is that their children may be made to suffer for their parents’ sexual orientation. Not everyone accepts homosexuality. The mere fact that major political and social leaders in American society have voiced opposition to same sex parenthood is enough indication that society has not fully accepted the gender choice. It is a good parenting tip to accept that kids may be bullied so that one may be better able to address the problem.

Seek Help

A final parenting tip is to seek for professional help for your kids and family. In spite of your best efforts to boost your child’s confidence and make him/her understand that homosexuality is not an abnormality, your child may not easily cope with the situation of being bullied. When the situation becomes too much for you to handle, look for support groups, counseling opportunities and parent resources to help you.



MARVIN

Jacqueline Claxton asked:




PARENTING TIPS!

Being a parent is one tough job. Full of many rewards, beautiful moments, great sharing, laughs and love. But the reality of raising children today is that parents become overwhelmed, exhausted and stressed. In the absence of the owner’s manual, there are many wonderful sources of parenting hints. Family, friends, books, videos, and websites are just a few of the valuable resources available to today’s parents. Here are some helpful hints geared to specific age groups. Infants



Newborns feel more secure if they are swaddled firmly in a blanket, as this sensation closely mimics the feeling inside the womb. If you have a fussy newborn, wrapping them firmly with their arms inside the blanket may help to soothe them when you aren’t holding them.

Dress your infant in layers so you are better able to regulate his temperature. Infants need the same amount of clothing as you do in most environments; or at most, one layer more. So, if you are wearing a sleeveless shirt and shorts, there is no need to dress your infant in a onesie, sweatshirt, and jacket.

Toddlers/Preschoolers



Don’t be too strict about your child’s clothing matching perfectly. At this age, children are beginning to express their individuality and they love to put all sorts of wacky combinations together. To you, it looks like their closet exploded all over them, but to them, they are a work of art! As long as it isn’t family picture day, try to be flexible in allowing them to choose their own clothing combinations.

Bedtime can be quite an ordeal at this age. Children may be afraid of the dark or of monsters or of being alone. A consistent routine can help keep the fears from getting out of hand. A warm bath, teeth brushing, and pajamas followed by a story, prayers, hugs, kisses, and snuggles can help. If darkness is the fear, try letting the child choose his own nightlight. If monsters are the culprit, make it a point to check the closets and under the bed. Parents have also successfully used a special air freshener as a “monster repellent.” The key is to be sensitive. These fears are very real to a child.

Elementary/Middle Schoolers



To help calm the harried morning rush out the door, a little organization the night before can go a long way. Before bedtime, be sure all homework is returned to your child’s backpack as well as any lunch money, notes for the teacher, permission slips, etc. Place these in a convenient place near the door. Keep boots, mittens, hats, scarves, and other accessories near the coats so they are ready to go as well. Make lunches the night before and keep them in the refrigerator; ready to grab in the morning. Help your child lay out clothing for the next day so there is no last minute scramble in the morning to find those perfect zip-off wind pants. Some families even put together outfits for the entire week. Leaving the house in a calm and peaceful manner puts a great spin on the day!

Children have their own internal clocks. It is entirely possible for two early bird parents to give birth to a night owl. Some children can be put to bed at what parents believe is a reasonable hour for their child’s age, but the child still cannot fall asleep for hours. The child isn’t misbehaving, his body truly isn’t ready to fall asleep yet. If you have a young night owl, experiment with pushing bedtime back an hour or so or even allowing the child to read quietly with a small book light before falling asleep. It may help make bedtime a little easier!

Teenagers



At this age, peer pressure is at its peak. The guy who never cared what he wore before suddenly insists on $120 basketball shoes. The girl who would shop anywhere now insists on designer labels. Some parents have had wonderful success teaching the value of a dollar, budgeting, and other valuable lessons by using a clothing budget. Each child is given a certain amount of money for his clothing budget. Say you decide on $300 for the entire school year. This means your daughter can go out the first day of school and spend all $300 or she can buy something here or there throughout the year; either way she only has $300 from September through June. It can be a very difficult lesson for her to spend that entire $300 on one sweater, a pair of shoes, and two purses in the Fall and then have nothing left when Spring arrives to buy sandals and a new dress. But, the clothing budget is a great way to teach young adults that money doesn’t grow on trees!

If you would like information on how to start working from home and spend more time with your kids, click here.



SYDNEY

Barbara Beccari asked:


“I don’t want to read a story!”

Does this sound familiar? Do you have a little someone who doesn’t like to read?

It is difficult for a parent when they have a child who doesn’t enjoy reading. We feel this enormous pressure to raise our young children to become avid readers, knowing that a lot of what we do in life is dependent on understanding the written word. We know that not only could they could miss out on vital information, but also a great deal of enjoyment if reading isn’t something about which they are confident and happy.

Ok, so what is a parent to do? You can’t tie your child down, while they yell and carry on, and make them read to you, even though sometimes it may be tempting!

So the trick is to get creative and sneaky! Bring in reading when they least expect it. Have reading be a part of their everyday and make it fun.

Have you ever thought to:

1. Write words with permanent texta on plastic and play sinking games with them in the bath?

2. Hang cards with words or short bits of text off the clothes line and spin them around to read them?

3. Hide little notes with words or text in the back yard or around the house and play a finding game?

4. Ask them to tell you a story and you write it down? They can illustrate it and then turn it into a booklet. Children love to read what they have created themselves. You could start a ‘published author’ section on your bookshelf where their stories take pride of place.

5. Have a word-a-day on a card that can be discussed at the dinner table? This can lead to some very interesting discussions! Kids have fun picking something at random from a dictionary and they might just come up with a word that stumps the whole family!

6. Go somewhere special to read? – the park, in a tent, in a dark room with a torch!

7. Dress-up to read? – yes, both you and your child get into the character of the story!

Parents are very creative people. Put on those thinking caps and see what crazy fun ways you can come up with, to bring sparkles and laughter into reading with your child. There will be two benefits – your reluctant reader will learn to enjoy reading time and your relationship with your child will be closer than ever!



CALEB

Tanis Nicole Wright asked:


Is there a lot of stress and strain in your life because your children just don’t listen?

Do you spend the majority of your waking moments chasing after your children because they are not listening to you, and you feel like you have to micro-manage?

Do you have no energy because all your energy is spent being frustrated and blocked by your children’s apparent inability to follow orders?

Well, the good news is you may be able to get back your time and energy and a balanced family life simply by understanding what the communication block is between you and your children.

Of course, every child is unique. Some children need their freedom more than others. Some children enjoy structure, and some do not. But what they all do have is one, two, three or four communication modalities or communication modes in common.

What is a communication modality or mode?

As Dr. Robby, Director of the LMC Relationship Centre, Developer of the Better Parents, Better Kids Program, and co-author of our e-book, Better Parents, Better Kids, explains:

“Communication is the result you get. Different people are on different channels. We learn, we express love and communicate through different modes or combinations of modes. It is important to know who you are playing with and what channel they are playing on, or else your communication will not be very effective. We basically all want to get what we want. If you cannot get your message through of what your needs, wants, dreams, goals and visions are, you will be very frustrated and stressed. So an understanding of communication modes is a basic skill for relationship success, whether that is a relationship with a partner, your children, friends, family or coworkers.”

The following is a very basic definition of the communication modes. You can be primarily one mode or a mixture of up to all four.

Visual people communicate by seeing and doing. They like activities and they like gifts. They notice people, places and things with just the slightest glance. They feel and share love by doing things with or for other people. They take things at face value and do not look deeper into things. They learn by seeing and doing.

Auditory people communicate through talking. They have the natural gift of the gab, are designed to be able to talk for long periods of time. They enjoy talking and listening to other people talk. They feel loved when they are talked to, and like to hear the words “I love you.” They learn by hearing.

Digital people communicate through connection and understanding. They find the deeper meaning in everything they think, see and do. Understanding is very important to them. They feel loved when they share connections with others and are understood. They learn by understanding.

Kinesthetic people communicate through their bodies. They move, feel and express through their bodies. Kinesthetics love to touch, feel, do physical activities and hug. They feel loved when they are touched. They learn through touch and through experience.

So children are not any different. If you are giving children orders or directions and they are not picking up your orders because they are in your own communication mode and not their own communication mode, they will genuinely not pick up or learn what you are trying to tell them or teach them. They are not being stubborn or defiant; they genuinely aren’t receiving it. It’s like you are talking on an AM radio station and your children are receiving on an FM radio station.

For example, my youngest son is a Visual child, and I used to have to repeatedly tell him to pick up his clothes and clean his room, but to him, my auditory orders were basically like the teacher’s on the Charlie Brown cartoons, just a series of muffled noises. But after learning about communication modes, I realized that if I really wanted to get across to him what I wanted, I had to show him what I wanted him to do, or do it with him, since a Visual child, just like Visual adults, likes doing things with you, as does a Kinesthetic child. The result is that now I never have to repeat myself with my son; he picks up and understands my visual cues.

For an Auditory child, if you are a Visual parent and you are showing your child how to clean and tidy up, it won’t have an impact on them unless you tell them what you want and/or narrate as you are doing it. This works for a Digital child as well, if you explain step by step what you are doing so they understand the whole process.

For a Kinesthetic child, let them do a run-through themselves, or let them hold on to or touch what it is that you are teaching or getting them to do. Kinesthetic children learn and remember through touch. Even though a Visual child likes doing, a Visual child can learn by just seeing and watching, whereas a Kinesthetic child has to go through the motions to truly learn.

There is a part of you (especially if you are Visual) saying, “Yeah, I’ll believe it when I see it.” There is also a part of you that is connecting the dots and saying, “Yeah, that makes sense, and that explains why my child does what they do that way.”

So go ahead and come up with creative ways to communicate with your children in their communication modes, and see, hear, understand and/or feel what happens. You may just get that time, energy and peace of mind that you have always wanted, as well as a balanced and happy family, too.



WILFREDO