Ask Denny Strecker

Anirban Bhattacharya asked:




Parenting is a magnificent experience for almost everyone. Parenting should be quite a trouble-free matter since we all have ourselves experienced childhood. We have the advantage of being acquainted with what our parents went through and what proved functional and what did not work for us as children and in turn giving an idea as to how to guide and give direction to the child. So listening to your own self for parenting is one of the best advices as you are only aware of what is best for your child and . From the initial time a couple senses that they are expecting a new addition to the time the child himself grows into a parent there is a lot to learn about good parenting.

Children are certainly, not intuitively sharp and bright. During the beginning of their childhood, they lean to discover from their surroundings. They might lack discipline or in some cases children may cause troubles and there are varying grades of troubles the children may practice or they may cause. This is hugely affected by the environment in which the child is brought up and their parents. Children may be liable to investigate their surroundings, and in the course of action may act in a way he is not supposed to do. But this can’t be rightly termed as problematical. It is just the way they discover the world. The parents just have to be cautious.

Children that are a bit grown up are the ones who should centrally be taken care of. There are quite a few illustrations in a child’s living that directs them so as to behave problematically. Consider some children who are not willing to carry out their own things in an appropriate style. The remedy for this sort of misconduct is to treat them with ignorance. If for illustration, your child gets annoyed over a thing, and begins screaming at you, don’t consider the idea of paying attention to them while making sure you ignore them in a simpler way. Don’t give attention to them, as far as they don’t upset themselves. If the child gets the conception that they can seek attention from their parents while being disobedient, they will continue doing the same every time. This will scratch into the character and behavior of the child.

It is a universal craving for each kid in the entire world to get hold of latest things. It is fine to buy them the stuff they desire as long as they are essential for the child. But for things that are unbefitting, parents should swiftly say a ‘no’ to the desire. If. It would be prudent to notify the child that if he behaves properly, he/she is bound to acquire the privileges back. Such instances will help him gather discipline in life.

It will always be an excellent idea to create an illustration out of yourself for your child. Children, since they are born, learn from what they observe around them. So never do those things which you will not want your child to do. Try and create a friendly relation with your child so he shares the most important things with you and does not take a wrong trail .It is reasonably significant for the parent to alert the child on the value of self respect and self esteem and also respect for others.



Matthew

Chris Lowrey asked:


Parents, do you ever find that when you are emotionally hurt, you revert back to acting like a child?

Isn’t it funny how as our age progresses we expect our maturity level to increase at the same pace? But, if we are honest with ourselves, most of us, at times, still get our feelings hurt at things we know we should just let roll off our backs. Or better yet, when we are in that strange mood we catch ourselves doing things that we wouldn’t normally do and end up saying things or doing things that we later regret.

Most of us still have the initial flight or fight instincts. We can, at times, roll with the punches and hide our feelings but occasionally we speak our minds. When we hide our emotions, the hurt can take quite some time to dissipate. However, when we speak up, sometimes we wish we hadn’t. It is like getting together with the person who uses sarcasm as humor. If we say something back, the other person is inevitably wittier and we still end up feeling like a fool. When we don’t respond, we quietly slink away only to think of a witty response later.

Most of us can analyze our emotions and the cause of a reaction. We typically can cut the other person a break and not take what they said or did personally. However, there are times when the child in us comes out. Our feelings are hurt. We may do or say something in retaliation. We may confront the person when we are at our most vulnerable and take action we wish we wouldn’t have. We can also, just once in awhile, throw a temper tantrum! Usually though our reactions are a combination of the above.

What is important to keep in mind though is we all do it! We all say things we later regret and we all feel like a fool at times. Some of us are harder on ourselves than others. Some of us have the misguided perception that we are the only ones who feel that way. And, some of us refuse to ever forgive ourselves of our own mistakes. That is the biggest mistake of all.

We all are humans. Humans who live a very busy life and make mistakes. We like to think of ourselves as people who work hard to evolve into the best person we can be but at the same time expect perfection from ourselves and others. We know of course we aren’t perfect and we truly don’t expect that from others either. However, at times, we revert back to our pre-mature days and behave accordingly. It is at those moments that we need to take action.

The action though must be forgiveness and tolerance. We need to forgive ourselves of our mistakes and forgive those who made us feel bad. We need to apologize when the situation is called for and accept the apologies of the offenders. And, at times, we need to do nothing at all, just let the moment pass. If the same person repeatedly hurts our feelings, we may need to consider a heart-to-heart talk or contemplate separating ourselves from them as much as possible. Regardless of the required action, we need to give ourselves a break.

Regardless of how mature we think of ourselves, when we revert back to the feelings of a child, we need to tell ourselves that that is okay. It is simply normal that we aren’t perfect. In fact, the situation just may give us an insight to do better next time!



Gabriella

Chris Lowrey asked:


This is election year and often, as parents, our conversations turn to politics.  Our beliefs, our fears, our tolerances or our impatience.  Are our kids listening?  Are they being influenced?  Who is the bigger influence:  Parents or Hollywood?

 

We all know Hollywood celebrities have a huge influence on people in general, especially

with children. Little Timmy sees Adam Sandler drinking his product-placed new flavor of

Mountain Dew and suddenly little Timmy wants it. Not a big surprise.

 

Most of these impressions are harmless, as long as parents maintain the final buying/consumption decisions.  But more and more these days, celebrities are using their power to voice their personal political opinions. Which would be fine, but when their statements are bias and lean to the left or (occasionally) right, is that the message we want sent to our children?  Does it follow our beliefs?  And, how does it influence children?

 

When George Clooney goes up to accept his Academy Award and gives a long speech on how liberalism is basically the wave of the future, he’s molding his fans’ minds.  Fans may or may not have already felt that way but his opinion seems to have an impact on society.

 

George Clooney is just an example.   More and more politicians are using actors to be their voices. 

 

You need not be politically active nor even agree with a political side to feel the influence.  It is everywhere. 

 

As adults/parents, chances are we have already formed our core beliefs.  But, what about the kids? 

 

Raising children today is much different than generations prior.  Kids do talk about policies and elections.  They live in the same world we do and are affected by many aspects of the political fall- out. 

 

There is no way to completely isolate your children from differing political opinions.  Even if you never let them watch tv or listen to the radio, there are still the playground, school and neighborhood friends that have been influenced and now feel empowered with their new viewpoint.

 

What you can do though is teach children how to become an informed American citizen and voter.

 

When your children turn 18 and go to the voting polls, hopefully you will have instilled in them a sense of responsibility to vote their minds based on research.  Instead of a movie star influence. 

 

They will have been exposed to the hidden messages in some of their favorite movies or shows and might think ‘wow, I can’t support this because Family Guy made fun of it.’ But, hopefully, with family discussions during their impressionable years, they will know enough to be able to sort through the facts to reach their own conclusions.

 

Wouldn’t it be great if Hollywood help send the message out to children to go research and find out for themselves what they truly believe in?  Sad to say, some adults don’t even do that.  They, too, succumb to well paid messages.

 

Voting is an extra ordinary privilege and shouldn’t be taken for granted.  Each vote does count and it is our children we are handing over the governing to, all too soon.

 

Include your children in appropriate political discussions.  Encourage them to ask questions and assist them with research on issues that are of interest to them.

 

There are plenty of websites and books out there speaking from a mutual standpoint so they can be educated and learn to vote for their own reasons on a subject. If they go left, that’s great. If they go right, that’s great, too. Just as long as they’re leaning one way or another for their own reasons based on solid information.

 

It is Hollywood’s right to speak out, just as it is anyone’s.  That’s what makes this country so great, free speech.

 

It is a good thing when anyone speaks out and takes initiative regarding issues they

feel need changed or tweaked.  Voices cause action. 

 

But please, let it be parents who teach our children how to become an informed American Citizen.  Let the influence begin in the family home.  Let parents teach their children the true honor of living in this country.  The right to our own opinion!

 

When the children grow up, hopefully they will be in the habit of being surrounded by influences but still thinking for themselves. If, as parents, we do our job well, the children may actually end up disagreeing with us on social issues. 

 

If that is the case, and your children form that opinion based on experiences and research, than you have done well by them.  After all, you can teach facts and figures but you can’t teach an opinion…



Mackenzie

Dr. Jared Maloff asked:


This list of 10 parenting tips is a guideline for successful parenting of a child with learning disabilities.  In addition to the incorporation of these tips into your parenting skills, understand that often, therapy for children with learning disabilities and their parents can increase feelings of success and self acceptance, and decrease feelings of isolation.

1.  Do not underestimate your child’s potential.  Encourage him or her to develop to the best of their ability while pursuing their own interests.

2.  Consult a professional specializing in working with Learning Disabled children to begin to pool the public resources available to children with Learning Disabilities.

3.  Help your child to not feel alone with their disability.  Find positive role models such as an adult living productively and successfully with a Learning Disorder.

4.  After securing appropriate educational services for your child, (IEP’s, Resource Classes, Special Education Aides etc…) STAY INVOLVED with your child’s educational support team and ask for recommendations of how to create a positive learning environment for your child at home. 

5.  Keep in mind the feelings of your spouse and other children.  Remind them that just because your Learning Disabled child gets more of your time does not mean that he or she gets more of your love. 

6.  Be honest with yourself and be aware of your own limitations.  You cannot be a perfect parent, nor do you have an unlimited reservoir of energy.  Do not foget self care.

7.  Keep a sense of humor.

8.  Do not get caught up in comparing your child to his or her other classmates.  Judge your child’s progress by comparing your child only against themselves. 

9.  Slow down, allow time to reflect on you and your child’s accomplishments, not just his/her, or your own shortcomings. 

10.  Seek out support groups for parents of children with Learning Disabilities. 



Evelyn

Kelly Nault-Matzen asked:


“A mother’s work is never done” (sigh). Just when you think you’re through, you find you’ve only just begun. You aren’t the only one!

If the pressure of balancing your work and parenting is ultimately leading you to give both your work and family less, it is time to find a new parenting strategy and quick! When a work from home mom decides to set clear boundaries and manage her time effectively she can dramatically reduce parenting stress and boost her parenting joy. So let’s get started.

Six Essential Work Life Survival Parenting Tips for the Work at Home Mom (WAHM)

Your happiness as a work at home mom (WAHM) depends on your commitment to following these six parenting time management tips:

1. Ban your open door policy. Set your work hours and stick with them. Unless your job requires you to answer the phone, answer it only on your schedule. A work at home mom (WAHM) has no time for distractions (especially from your kids and spouse—likely your biggest distractions). This only leads to low productivity. Make certain every member of your household knows the times of day when you are and are not available for interruptions and stick with this schedule.

2. Involve your family in what you do. Talk about what you do, ask your family to help solve work problems (children often find very creative solutions), and let them help you with small jobs like licking envelopes. One work at home mom I know asked her nine year old daughter to answer the business telephone when the receptionist called in sick, on one of their biggest sales days. This boosted her daughter’s self-esteem and also helped her appreciate how her mother’s work put a roof over her head, food in her mouth and clothes on her back.

3. Consciously make the transition from work to home. When it is family time, focus on the family. Make certain you have cleared the work cobwebs from your head. Write down your to-do list for the next day and ask yourself before you leave your desk, “How can I make my time with my family special?” Then smile and give them a hug when you see them. Too tired? Take a 20 minute cat nap, a quick walk, meditate for a short while or say a little prayer to let go of your day, so you can be all they deserve you to be.

4. Remember it’s about quality time, not quantity time. When you are with your family, be with your family. Leave work behind so you can focus on them. “Light up” as soon as they come into the room and find fun ways to do mealtimes, and even clean-up times together. Half an hour of positive can prevent dozens of hours of misbehavior.

5. Solve misbehavior time-wasters. As a family counselor, I regularly hear variations on the complaint, “My kids are driving me crazy, but I’m too crazy to find time to learn how to stop them from driving me crazy.” There are simple ways to motivate your children to want to be well behaved. Invest the time now, so you don’t spend more time and frustration later on (which of course takes away from time you can devote to your work).

6. Schedule your self-care time. The most critical key to your WAHM success is to nurture some of your needs so you can continually renew your passion for parenting. You need time to replenish your energy so you can be more efficient, productive and happy. With so much on your plate it is essential that you schedule a minimum of 20 minutes a day for you. Before or after the kids are in bed is generally the easiest to stick with.

By the way, if putting your self-care needs first makes you feel guilty and selfish, then don’t do it for you—do it for your family. It is time that your self-care became a necessity, not a luxury so you can give more to all you do—at both work and home. Remember that if you are emotionally and physically healthy, you will be able to give more quality time to your family.

The six parenting time-management tips above will allow even the busiest work at home mom to finally have her cake and eat it too. By successfully balancing work and family, you will model for your children a fulfilled and healthy woman and your family will no longer have to deal with a “burnout-mom” but a happy one!



David

abdul asked:


Parenting is one of the most difficult jobs that nature has provided us with. Being a parent means not only being sensitive to each child and each situation; it also calls on us to stretch our imagination as we respond to the constant challenges our children present us with. Children can be demanding, difficult and defiant! No advice can possibly make you get it right everytime, but a few points kept in mind would take you a long way in dealing with daily dicipline.

1. The miracle of touch. Out of the five senses touch is considered to have healing qualities. Whether it takes the form of hugs, horseplay or simply holding hands on the way to school, loving physical contact provides a simple and almost unconscious way of showing you care.

2. Keep the fun alive. With all the commitments at home and work, most parents forget the word “fun” aspect of parenting. Young children love jokes and being silly. The familiarity of special words, pet names and silly voices always manage to brighten a child’s day.

3. Flexibility helps! Parents sometimes expect too much of children. They ten to forget that children have a vantage point that is above three feet lower that an adult’s! bending down to get a child’s eye view of a situation can save most upsets, accidents and mishaps.

4. Good manners go a long way. Little children do not always know or remember “the right thing” to say in every situation. They should be encouraged to use the terms such as please, sorry, thank you ec where appropriate. It’s amazing the difference the right words can make. They can often help from the right attitude too.

5. Children need limits. Being cool helps but children also need to learn the difference between what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour and understand that behaviour has consequences wheter pleasant or unpleasant. Idle threats should be avoided at all times and always mean what you say.

6. Being in charge does not mean being a tyrant! Parents often forget that childrent are individuals and tend to mould them into ideal persons that they want their children to be. Although there are times when “because i said so” is appropriate, more often than not it is better to give a reason for what you have said. Even adults make mistakes and children have reasonable ideas. In such situations parents should apologize in the same way we expect our children to apologize us.

7. Check your “dont’s” No one likes a lot of negativity. It sounds like nagging. Too many “dont’s” can hinder a child’s natural instinct to explore. Unless it is a life and death situation of something that will harm the child in some way, avoid using this word. Always check whether you are using it for your convenience or for child’s safety. Good behaviour should be rewarded with praise, encouragement or a hug rather than with sweet treats or money.

8. Children should be children! Parents often make the mistake of expecting children to be mini adults and be have the way they want them to behave. Children are naturally clumsy, forgetful, and accident prone. Therefore they should never be punished for pure childishness. Bad behaviours should be dealt with justly and the punishment appropriate to the crime. Naughtiness is sometimes prompted by boredom or a feeling of neglect. At such times the solution will involve providing a stimulating activity for the child or giving him attention.

9. Being “in control” is not really “controlling”. Children do not need to be “Controlled” but when they deliberately misbehave parents should be “in control” of the situation. They should effectively manage and guide their behaviour. Often the expression on your face or the tone of your voice will be enough to deter all but the most determined little ones. Yet there are times when just a stem face or a word would not do. Then appropriate and tangible action is required.

10. “Spare the rod” but do not spoil the child. Children’s behaviour sometimes calls for sterner measures than just a small punishment by way of forbidding what he likes to do or sending him to the room. Deliberate, repeated defiance and purposely hurting another child are situations that need to be dealt with immediately. A well timed smack can be most effective way of correcting this type of behaviour. A controlled smack (on the hand, leg or the bottom) will help your child associate this unacceptable behaviour with unpleasant consequences and deter him from repeating it. make sure he understand what he did wrong and encourage him to say sorry.

However, by your words and actions let your child know that although his behaviour may have been unacceptable, he is always loved.



Lillian

Veronica Fisher asked:


All parents need a good parenting resource of their own. Since parenting is such a tough occupation a parenting resource can help make things easier for any parent. How and where can a parent find a relevant parenting resource? There is no one sure and perfect parenting resource for everyone. A parent may have to determine for himself/herself which parenting resource is helpful and applicable. There are however specific areas where one can get a parenting resource. You can get your parenting resource from the following:

The Book and Video Haven

Any place where they sell or lend a vast selection of books and videos may be a parenting resource. You can go around looking for a bestseller parenting resource or something created by experts in the field of parenting and psychology to get a good parenting resource. Surprisingly, an experiential parenting resource account or even fictional stories of parenting may be useful parenting resource for the discriminating parent.

Comprehensive Sites and Links

Not surprisingly, the internet can have every kind of parenting resource imaginable. You have the option of checking out sites that will provide you with a comprehensive parenting resource section or one that will provide you with specific parenting resource information. You can also check link or .net sites if you want to have a brief overview of some other sites that may be good places for a parenting resource.

Message Boards and Others

You may prefer a parenting resource that’s highly practical and that comes from people who have actually experienced parenting. You can use parents’ forums and message boards as your parenting resource. In this kind of parenting resource you can swap stories and practical tips and information. A lot of parents may warm up to this kind of parenting resource because it is conversational, light and a fun way to go about talking about parenting.

Formal Classes and Support Groups

A clear and structured parenting resource may come from such formal areas as parenting courses and support groups. This type of

parenting resource will surely offer highly professional pieces of information. There is no doubt that if you enroll in a parenting resource class, you will get a load of theories and actual practice accounts from trained professionals in the field of parenting. Support groups can also offer parenting resource that may be both categorized as formal expert quality and personally supportive and uplifting in nature.

People You Know

A practical parenting resource source would be people you actually know. Your own parents, family, friends and colleagues may each be a parenting resource. Ask these live, actual parenting resource people what they can share based on what they know and their experience. This may be the cheapest and best parenting resource you can ever have.

However and wherever you choose to get your parenting resource make sure that your parenting resource is applicable to you and your family. Remember, not all families are the same.



Ella

Ann Marier asked:


The life of a parent undergoes a dramatic change with the birth of a child and it requires that he or she need to make certain decisions like choosing between bottle or breast, carriage or stroller, continuing work or staying home, employing a nanny or opting for day care.

With children growing up, these decisions continue to change and parents need to decide on the school the child must attend, their meals, allowances, after-school activities and more. All these decisions are dependent on the parenting style and attitude which will influence how the child is taught and learns to socialize.

A Complicated Matter with No Easy Answers

Parenting is a complicated matter with no easy answers available, and many different interactions concerning certain actions and attitudes on the part of parents need to be put together which will affect the development of the child. Such a broad overall pattern of parental actions are termed as a parenting style; not a single act.

Parenting styles may differ and they were best described by Diana Baumrind as well as other researchers in child development. They sought out qualities in children that were most desirable such as innocence, maturity, independence, self-reliance, curiosity, self-control, friendliness as well as achievement orientation and they further quizzed parents to ascertain which elements of parenting nurtured such qualities, and then came up with two factors, which are responsiveness or warmth as well as supportiveness, and demandingness or control of the child’s behavior.

The four major parenting styles they found were authoritarian, authoritative, permissive and uninvolved. After further research, they came to conclude that the best adjusted children, especially when it came to social competence, were children of parents that belonged to an authoritative, moderate parenting style. Such parents were able to balance high demands with emotional responsiveness as well as respect for the autonomy of their children.

In contrast, parents that are too strict expect their children to accept parental judgments without argument and do not allow much freedom to the child. Children under such parenting style influences will be reliant on authority and will not be able to show much spontaneity. Authoritative parents, in sharp contrast, allow their children freedom of expression and encourage a sense of independence in their children.

Parenting style can influence the child and it has been found that children of authoritarian mothers were five times more likely to be overweight as compared to authoritative mothers, while children of permissive or uninvolved parents were three times more at risk.



Sarah

Deanna Mascle asked:


Parenting is the toughest, most important job most people will ever encounter and yet there is no license required, no training required, and no 24/7 hotline. This is rather short-sighted on the part of society as the cost of bad parenting is immense, but in truth the situation is not as dire as it seems. While no training is required for new parents, it is very easy for parents to learn the ways and means of good parents as well as the traps and pitfalls of bad parents. All it takes for parents to learn more about parenting is to watch, listen, and learn.

Watching is a key element to learning more about parenting. Watch the parents around you and you can learn all sorts of lessons about how to interact with your child, how to discipline your child, and how to teach your child. Almost everywhere you take your child there will be other parents and their children. Watching means observing but also listening. Hear the tone of voice as well as the words those parents use. Some parents use the right words but their tone and physical manner contradicts those words. Watch the children to note their response. Some children respond more readily to their parents. Why? What is different about that parent-child relationship? What can you take away for your own parent-child relationship?

Listen to advice. You don’t need to take every piece of advice that is offered to you. After all, there are many people who are free with advice and yet have clearly demonstrated they are in no position to offer it. However, there is often some really good advice shared by people you know and trust as well as good advice offered by passing strangers in the supermarket checkout line or in the stands at a soccer game. Be a sponge. Keep your ears open. You don’t have to take that advice but keeping your options open gives you the chance to sort out the jewels and benefit from them.

Be an active learner. Seek out information when you face a parenting challenge. Perhaps your child is acting out in a new way and your old discipline technique isn’t working. Search the internet, flip through parenting books, and ask some experts in your circle of friends. Sometimes great advice will come to you but other times you will need to seek it out. The more proactive you are about finding solutions to your parenting problems then the better parent you will become.

Parenting is a challenging job, no question about it, but it also comes with wonderful built-in rewards. Some times parents are forced to take a tough unpopular stand but in the end good parenting comes with its own rewards. Those rewards include a happy, successful child and a warm, loving relationship that will extend long past childhood and span the rest of your life. So who needs special training. If you watch, listen, and learn then you can be the parent you want to be and your child deserves.



Gavin

Jennifer A. Gardner asked:


There are goods and bad about every thing, same is true for single parenting. However if you sum up the two for single parenting the bads will far outnumber the goods. Therefore all single parents work with a disadvantage.

All parenting issues are centered on children. This also holds true for single parents. All single parents except few have to work and also look after the children without the help from the other partner. The question is whether a single parent has time and ability to earn and look after the children alone. If the child goes to school he is being looked after there while the parent is at work but for preschool children some sort of arrangement is to be made so that they are looked after at home during their parent’s working hours. Preschool is difficult to afford and there may be more than one kid. At this time the grandparents may step in to play their role. This is very important as according to the US Census conducted in 2000, 5.6 million kids reside with their grand parents. Many preschool children are not fortunate enough to have grandparents or any other relative to look after them when their parent is at work. In this case either the parent should work at home or arrange something for the children. This is the major difficulty faced by single parents.

Second difficulty faced by single parents is time management. Raising kids is a full time job and so is your work. Managing the two in the same 24 hrs puts extra stress on the parent. So every day you start off as a machine. You get up early and prepare the breakfast. Then you get yourself and your child ready for the day. You leave for work and drop your child at school early at 7 am. Then you get past all the traffic to reach your office. After a tiring day’s work you leave your office at 5 pm and pick your child on the way home. Without a moment to relax you start to prepare dinner and help your child with the homework. You are lucky if you don’t have to bring your work home. As soon as you are finished with homework and dinner it is bedtime and you put your kid in bed after a bath and a bedtime story. This is what happens each weekday. More so, special arrangements are required for the kids during holidays. Not that it is physically and emotionally taxing it also affects your progress in your profession. This is another difficulty faced by single parents.

If you are a lone parent or planning to be one it is important for you to realize that proper planning is the key to your success and so is a support network. The biggest issue to solve is the time distribution between yourself, work and children so that you can spend few meaningful moments with your children. It is also a drawback that all single parents have to do all the work alone but patience, a little support and good planning can help you a lot.



Abigail