Ask Denny Strecker

Kalman Heller asked:


A few months ago I was watching public TV’s annual drive to raise money. One of the primary offers for your pledge was a video of the “Doo Wop” music of the ’50s and early ’60s. In addition to playing many of my favorite songs they showed old media news clips referring to this as “the devil’s music”, wanting it banned because of the harm it was doing to the teenagers. As part of that generation I recall it as a very superficial time when most of us did what we were told and only minimally challenged prevailing expectations. That led me to think about the next generation, the Boomers, who rioted, challenged authority, used drugs heavily, and turned sex into a recreational activity. By now you may be wondering what this has to do with holiday gifts! Bear with me.

It is a time-honored tradition for each generation of teens to engage in some new set of activities that is perceived as dangerous to their development and to blame contemporary social influences on individual tragedies that take place during those years. In the psychologizing of America we have come to extend this concept of social influence all the way back to prenatal experience! The net result is that parents agonize even more over every move they make and how it might harm their children. If your daughter is allowed to buy a Britney Spears’ doll you are accused of increasing the likelihood that she will either become oversexed or develop an eating disorder. If you buy your son a violent video game you are similarly warned that you are increasing the likelihood he will commit a violent crime. Oh if life were only so simple.

Eating disorders are a serious concern in our society as is male violence. But these are complex problems and our ability to predict which child develops one of these problems is virtually nil. For decades millions of young girls have spent endless hours playing with Barbie dolls and boys have been exposed to ever-increasing violence in all forms of the media. While we are genuinely concerned about the extent of eating disorders and violence in our society, the facts are that the vast majority of women do not develop an eating disorder and the vast majority of men do not commit violent crimes. The actions of individuals are a complex playing out of the interaction of temperament, neurochemistry, personal experience, and social influence. Furthermore, significant problems during childhood and adolescent years do not mean doom for one’s adult life. We are extraordinarily resilient creatures. Need I point out that the seemingly out-of-control behavior by our youth from the mid-’60s to the mid-’70s spawned a generation of free thinkers. They created an unparalleled era of prosperity based mostly on an endless creation of self-owned businesses combined with exceptional gains in medicine and science that has also included dramatic changes in gender roles and a new melting-pot society. That’s you I’m talking about – the majority of today’s parents.

So when you go to buy your child some holiday presents I would urge you to be less influenced by the current doomsayers and more influenced by your own values. Too many parents have become confused and overwhelmed by all the advice that people like me send streaming forth. It’s a challenge to separate out what really matters. For a long time I have urged parents to believe that what really matters is to have a close bond with their children by learning how to enjoy them and see their strengths despite how challenging that is with certain children. In addition I urge parents to know what they believe in and provide some consistency for their children by being willing to take the heat for standing behind their values. Your daughter can own a Spears’ doll but if you feel the clothes she wants to wear are too provocative, say no. You may find certain video games cross a line of acceptability because of excessive violence or the values expressed (e.g., bigotry). Say no.

If these concepts resonate with you then it follows that you should buy gifts that you find acceptable for your children and that will be a part of a holiday experience that has personal meaning for the family rather than a temporary material meaning. As adults, few remember their childhood holiday gifts. Warm holiday memories usually consist of the sense of traditions that include sights and sounds and smells that are associated with a sense of family closeness. If you can achieve that then you are having meaningful holidays. Furthermore, that closeness is the strongest factor in increasing the likelihood that your children will ultimately make healthy decisions about their lives.



Jacob

Anirban Bhattacharya asked:




Parenting is one of the boons bestowed on not all. And ironically, the value of ‘parenting’ is better known by those who aren’t gifted with it. Of late, there have been a myriad of parenting concepts making its way through the dinner table talks to the articles in magazines. Out of the lot, one very commonly heard of concept is that of ‘positive parenting’.

Positive parenting

Positive parenting is a concept that stresses on encouraging kids for their accomplishments rather than just punishing them for their not-so-worthy acts. The concept utilizes the natural human tendency! Wouldn’t you want your good work to be recognized in your work place? Wouldn’t you feel motivated if you were appreciated for your good work and were rewarded with some sort of memento? It’s the similar case with your little sweethearts. They too love it when you appreciate their accomplishments and they get motivated to do such works every time.

Positive parenting ideas

One of the most effective of the positive parenting ideas is the kids reward system. Now, make sure the reward is actually something that your kid loves to the core and has desired it since long. There’s no point in gifting your kid with something he or she is less interested in. So, let’s summarize the entire process of this positive parenting idea:





Set a goal for your kid. Tell your kid that on the accomplishment of the task (it can be anything like cleaning up the room, completion of homework, doing some projects, learning a new instrument and so on) there would be a reward ‘X’. Make sure the ‘X’ is something your kid wants, that way, the reward is a coveted one now.









It’s quite obvious that on the accomplishment of the task you would be rewarding your kid, but make sure you reward the kid for a good try even though the task isn’t accomplished.





For more of positive parenting ideas going online would be a feasible idea.

Parenting is something that has to be experienced to be understood. Parenting advice may be ample, but they have to be modified to suit each case. After all, your child is special and unique.



Jada

Richard Y. asked:


Teenage is the most difficult period for the parents. It is the period where your teenagers will be subjected to a lot of peer pressure. A sense of belonging is very important at this age and the teenagers will comply to gain acceptance amongst their peers. The peers’ influences are very strong and this is the period where the parents may find that they may have a lesser influence on their teenagers. This is a teenage relationship advice for the parents to deal with such a situation.

The first teenage relationship advice for the parents is to take note that their children have grown up and are now teenagers. It is important for the parents to recognize this and start to change in their way of dealing with their teenagers. This is critical as sometime it is difficult for the parents to see this change that their children have grown up and your way of dealing with them will no longer work. The parents need to relax control in some areas and to increase it in others. The parents need to start talking more to their teenager while expecting them to talk less to you. You need to keep them safe and maintain harmony in the home without stopping their biology needs to be independent. You need to negotiate more than dictate the terms and conditions around their behaviors.

Develop reasonable expectation as your teenagers are in a state of flux. They can be more mature at one moment and less at another moment. Setting too high an expectation on your teenagers will turn them off.

Pick your battle wisely as too much control will lead to defiance as your teenagers are trying to establish their independent. Choosing the right battle to fight will avoid unnecessary frictions in the home. Your teenagers will be able to differentiate what boundaries they must not cross as they will face a fierce battle from you.

Give your teenagers choices and not ultimatums. Allowing the teenagers to choose will probably be more successful than dictating your terms on them. It is more about compromising. Both the teenagers and the parents cant have everything their way.

Give praise to your teenagers when what they do meet your approval. These reinforce good behaviors and are appreciated. This will show that you take notice of them

Always let your teenagers know that you are there for them if they need your help. This will give them an assurance they can always rely on their parents.

Teenage relationship advice for the parents is a good start for the parents to take note of the changes and that their children are now teenagers and will require different ways of handling them. If you need more information or help, check out the teenage relationship advice .

 



Steven

Anirban Bhattacharya asked:


Advices are seldom welcomed when it is needed the most. For every parent, their child is like a small bundle of joy. As a mother caresses her child in arms, she weaves dreams about her little one and devotes selflessly to turn it into a reality. She tries her best to protect the child from every atrocity that she has been through.

She would do anything that she thinks is proper for her child. But things take a different turn when we decide something that encircles life of another human being. This is especially true for first time moms who lack experience in nurturing a child and end up making mistakes. In this case, it is best to seek professional advice Professional parenting advice is available for mothers to aid them in every sphere of motherhood. This includes bed wetting, potty training, medical advice, sleeping etiquettes and more. Parenting advice is crucial during the transition phase of a child. The transition is a the time period when a child lets go of one or more of his daily behavior and learns adopting to something new. Just like an adult, a kid is reluctant to drift apart from his daily routine and can sometimes be stubborn about it. Many parents find it difficult to manage these situations. The worst happens when he is admitted to a kindergarten when he suddenly finds himself being surrounded by lot others like him. He doesn’t appreciate a place where he is devoid of the parental care and attention as he used to before. In such a situation, expert parenting advice is recommended to help the child cope up with the new ambiance. Unless a child starts taking a liking on his environment, he will always find himself alone and this would eventually shake his confidence.

A lot many times women find it difficult to balance their workplace and child. A woman stressed out with the days’ toil and labor would find it difficult to manage a baby back at home. Things become worse when she ejects out her frustration over the baby. Expert professionals take utmost care to help moms overcome this situation and help them handle their family in better way.



Alexis

Paul Banas asked:


our bedroom door.

Some people put a cowbell on their kids’ door. Just don’t count on hearing a knock before you hear the worst words, “daddy, what are you doing to mommy.” A lock is very cheap insurance.

Take thousands and thousands of photos.

With digital that’s easy to do. The trick is to edit them so that your computer isn’t storing thousands and thousands of pictures. Garry Winogrand, the great 20th century black and white photographer died with 2500 rolls of undeveloped film. He shot and shot and his skill was in finding the diamonds in the rough. With kids, this is doubly important since they rarely sit still for perfect images. The more you shoot, the better chance you’ll capture the real them.

Leave a loaded camera on the kitchen counter and be ready for every photo opportunity. The worst camera to have is the one you don’t have with you when the perfect shot happens. Rather than buying a super-duper camera, the best dad photographers have a fairly cheap point and shoot camera that’s small enough to keep in a pocket and always at the ready.

Learn how to juggle.

Juggling amazes small and even big children. It’s something you can teach them later and it’s a basic dad skill.

Kiss your wife goodbye and hello in front of the kids.

No can overestimate the value of showing the kids every day that they live in a loving and secure home. Do this especially if you’re mad or having a fight. It might just have some side benefits to your marriage as well.

Avoid passing bad habits on to your kids.

If you swear or smoke, think about how your kids are likely to imitate you. It’s a big responsibility.

Don’t set your sights to high on what kind of dad you should be.

Every dad wants to be a “great dad,” but we all lose our temper, need a break from the kids, and sometimes wonder what we might have done without the responsibilities of parenthood. We’re all human, so give yourself a break from worrying that you could be better. Just try to be the best dad you can be at your next shot, whether that is story-reading time tonight or a day at a ballgame this weekend.

Buy a minivan.

Though not really a “tough” vehicle, a minivan is the perfect family vehicle for its sheer practicality and the comfort it offers.

Watch cartoons with your kids. Learn the lyrics to the songs. Get MP3s and play them in the car.

The kids will be impressed that you want to join their club.

Be consistent.

Kids like structure and the more you repeat and model consistent behavior, the better chance your kids will act accordingly.

Luckily for you, many of the parenting skills come naturally to new dads if you’re able to grow with the role of being a dad.

Noah