Ask Denny Strecker

Gen Wright asked:


The baby name is the first gift that parents give to their newborn babies. It is of particular significance because this is the name that the baby is supposed to carry with him or her throughout a whole lifetime. Therefore, great care must be taken when deciding on a baby’s name.

A baby’s name usually carries some meaning in it. Traditionally, many parents give their babies names that reflect their own hopes and dreams.

For example, a parent may name the baby Albert, which means noble and bright. In other words, the parents see their baby growing up to be someone who is both bright and noble.

Names are also given based on religion. Different religions share different stories. In these stories, there are many different characters. Each of these characters have different names that stand for different things. For instance, someone from a Western culture may name a baby Adam or Eve. Someone from a Muslim religion may choose names such as Abdullah and Abdur Rahman.

As you can see, parents tend to draw inspiration for baby names from various influences in their lives. Religion, personal beliefs, and education all play a big role when it comes to giving a baby its name. In recent times, many parents have been known to give their babies names that take after celebrities.

In the modern society where our lives are deeply penetrated by popular media, it is not surprising to see many celebrities becoming the idol of some parents. And whatever their idols do, they follow.

Obviously, celebrities have great influence over the lives of ordinary citizens. Check out some of the crazy baby names that celebrities have given to their babies – Bluebell Madonna, Moon Unit, Memphis Eve, Lark Song, Heaven, Jazz Domino, and many others.

On closer examination, these names actually mean something to the celebrities themselves. Many of these names include heavenly subjects like stars, moon, angel, gaia and so on. These names sound beautiful, and they have deep religious meanings.

Although it is nice for babies to have such beautiful names, it is necessary to be reminded that babies do grow up. Some names, like Apple, sounds really cute and adorable. That’s all fine and dandy while the baby is still young. What happens if the baby grows up to be a big strong lady? She probably wouldn’t like to be called Apple anymore because people will just laugh at her.

Furthermore, parents who want to name their babies with similar celebrity baby names should be reminded that celebrities are always under a lot of attention. They have good reasons to give their babies unique names because they want others to remember their babies. Perhaps that’s why so many celebrities have given their babies names that sound too wacky for most parents.

Advice for parents? Just remember that you are given the most wonderful gift on earth – a live baby. You are not a celebrity, so there is no need to parrot celebrity baby names. A simple, down to earth name that means something to you is as good as any name. Whatever name you finally decide upon, it’ll still sound like the most wonderful words on the face of this earth.

Enjoy the time spent in this world with your baby.



Charles

Paul Banas asked:


“Teens Don’t Like Adults” Myth

As a father of two teenage daughters (15 and 17) I have continually heard the comment that goes something along the lines of “Whoa, that’s a tough age. I guess you’ll get to talk to them again in six years!”

I have also run into numerous dads (moms too) that say, “Yeah, my kids don’t even want to be around me these days. They are so into their friends.”

The first comment is a myth. The second is a cop out.

Granted, teenagers want their independence, but they still want their parents in their lives. More on this later.

What I believe happens is that parents get intimidated and busy and stop taking the time to ask children simple, conversational questions about their lives.

Nothing can be more intimidating than walking into a room of seven teenagers talking about music or anything, and feeling completely outnumbered, out-cultured, and out of sorts. It is easier to walk away than say, “What’s going on?” It is easier to walk away than ask that new pimply-faced boy you haven’t seen before, “Where do you go to school? “How are the grades going? Where did you go to middle school?” This starts the dialogue. Walk into the teenage fray we must. Take a deep breath, walk in, and ask away!

Let’s face it: we parents are human beings too. And half the time these kid’s parents have stopped talking to them and their teachers are basically time police. You may be the first adult who has asked them a considered question in the last month. People, even teenagers, love to talk about themselves. So if you give them half a chance they will. You can become an oasis of freedom to talk about themselves. This goes for your own children as well. It doesn’t have to be an interrogation. Just a question about school, about a friend, about music. You don’t have to be cool or “in the know.” “Who is that group? Are they popular?” You don’t have to know that Eminem is back with Kim. The key, I believe, is to not give up on the initial push back – or non-push back in the case of teenagers. They won’t be forthcoming. They won’t answer. They may shrug and say “Oh, nothing.” But believe me they want to talk. They are dying to talk. Even if they don’t.

Some how to’s:

1. Be the house they can come to. Let kids gather at your house. Anytime.

2. Food. Have lots of food. Kids (especially boys) love food. Don’t take, “I’m not hungry,” for an answer. Teenagers are always hungry. Food is the lubricant for talk.

3. Don’t be judgmental. I am not saying to let them have drugs in your house. But don’t let the disapproval of a little tattoo or funky hair on your kids friends show on your face.

4. In and out. Don’t hover. Come in, ask a few questions. Then get out. Let them breath.

5. Rules are OK. I like to keep them reciprocal. I respect you. You respect me is my favorite. I don’t talk to you that way, you don’t talk to me that way.

One last word on kids wanting you in their lives: Have you ever met a thirty year old that said, “I sure wish my parents hadn’t been in my life when I was a teenager.” I haven’t. Mostly we hear the opposite. Kids might be confused, they might even be angry. They may even be embarrassed by you – but then again everyone’s parents are an embarrassment. But, you are like the old best friend that you haven’t seen in ten years. Even though they would never tell you, your kids want to see you and most importantly, talk to you.

“Teens Don’t Like Adults” is a Myth. Don’t buy into it. Read a compilation of all the great parenting advice that received from readers over the years.



Jonathan

Dr. Debi Yohn asked:


Parenting changes during the college years… College Students need parenting but a different kind of parenting. Actually, parenting college students is crucial. The maturing student must successfully negotiate these final years, their launching years from teen to adult.

During College, the student experiences doubts, insecurities, and other challenges that create anxiety, or the “leaving the nest” syndrome. The guidance that parents offer to their children during these college years will help them to cope with their anxieties. Home is still their anchor.

By effectively parenting college students, both the student and the parent will reap benefits now and in the future.

One of my recommendations is for Moms and Dads to encourage year-round school attendance. Parents should explore the advantages of summer school attendance with their student. The mere discussion keeps the child and parent connected. They decide together if this is something that will work for the family. This is a new idea. Sometimes the student has never even considered the benefits of remaining on campus and plugged in to the life they have established there.

When a college student knows that their parents are providing some over sight, they actually experience less anxiety. Just as in pre-school, they feel safe. Its a great benefit to take a difficult classes during the summer while they are not carrying a full course load. Then there is another side benefit, if they do this every summer they can progress toward an early graduation or graduate on time. If they graduate a semester early, a reward may be they use this semester to travel.

When discussing year-round college attendance, parents and the student will realize there is both a financial and a time management benefit. The bottom line… this is a good use of time.

Students may prefer the option of returning home for the summer and attending a local community college. Here is another idea… getting a part time job. Students may be homesick and just need to be home for a while. This is okay.

My point is, there needs to be some constructive activity during the summer. Working or taking courses is a great use of the time away from campus. Always keep your eye on the goal – graduation.

A big plus to this plan is students will have a different choice of professors. They may establish a more personal teacher-student relationship and experience greater success in summer school. This helps the grade point average. It is also a big relief to get a tough course behind you.

Let’s be honest, after the first few weeks, the summer months are boring! The valuable commodity of time is wasted, and too much free time exacerbates the parental tendency to worry. Binge drinking, late night parties and other reckless behaviors are serious concerns.

When the student comes home for the summer, it is extremely important for the parents and the student to sit down and discuss “house rules”. The student has been independent for a full school year so they will expect different rules. Of course they want to retain their independence but the parent has to be comfortable with the schedule too. The parent-child relationship is nurtured and grows stronger when there is good communication. So sit down and talk about this. Do not wait until you are angry about it.

What you want is a young adult that is more open to listening to parental advice. When a parent can discuss the advantages of going to school year-round in a language that the student will hear, the student may make responsible decisions. If your student does not make good choices, then as a parent, you need to decide what you choose to finance.

When a child is college age, I believe they always need to be building their resume. Whether they are doing volunteer work, internships or taking summer classes. Any travel or outside activity should reflect on their resume. I also believe that everyone is happier when they are busy and productive. This does not mean they cannot have fun. For example, if they take a tough academic course during the summer, suggest they take a fun elective with it.

My advise? Don’t dictate to your student what they will do this summer. Just ask them, “So, what are you going to do this summer? Take summer classes or work?”



Matthew

Pierre Du Plessis asked:


Research on the internet about available parenting advice and information for parents on how to successfully rear and treat babies, children, pre-teens and adolescent teenagers, has revealed a wide and extensive database of articles and products on the subjects of successful child development, successful child rearing and successful parental influence.

One can find informative literature on most topics dealing with the problems associated with the normal developmental stages of childhood, including treatment of child health disorders.

Most parents are fit and equipped to deal with child health related matters such as child nutrition and child illnesses, due to the abundant availability of facilities and information on these subjects from hereditary word of mouth contacts, clinics, health centres, the pharmaceutical industry and the medical profession.

Child cognitive, intellectual and psychological development can be a culmination of genes, circumstances, environment and parental influence, of which parental influence is the most dominant and critical factor to impact on child development and behaviour. With the right knowledge, parental influence can also be the easiest to apply for the beneficial development of cognitive, intellectual and psychological processes in children.

Most parents are not equipped to use parental influence in the best positive way. The reason behind this is simply because they marry young, have children and are then caught up in the everyday chores of child rearing and financial survival, deterring them from finding time to equip themselves with the necessary knowledge, to impact positively on child cognitive, intellectual and psychological development. Therefore child development is mostly a result of accidental development by prevailing haphazard circumstances and child inner-self choices.

Child development is not a sole responsibility of schools and teachers. Children are far more influenced by parents than by teachers. Parental influence is the single most important factor in the development of children, especially so in the early stages of development.

Most parents, after years of parenting, when their children have already reached adulthood, when reflecting back in time, say they wish they could do it over again. If they could do it over again, they think they could do a better job of parenting, with all the knowledge, experience and wisdom they have accumulated over the years. If they could only possess the knowledge earlier, when their children needed it the most, their children could also have ended up being stronger and better persons.

Information for parents are now more readily available, thanks to the internet. The information covering all the stages of child development, from birth to adulthood, are however, widely spread out in different pockets on different web sites all over the internet and cannot be accessed without extensive research and cost. Leaders Circle Family Web Club has therefore bridged the gap by bundling products together, to cover all the stages of successful child development, successful child rearing and successful parental influence, in one place.



Timothy

Steven Kokensparger asked:


Often in child custody cases, issues are raised regarding the manner in which a child is being transported and whether it complies with state law regarding appropriate child safety restraints. In many cases, parents have a basic understanding of what the bare legal requirements are, but little or no knowledge of what precautions the experts recommend above and beyond what the law requires. As a result, studies show that a very small percentage of parent use booster seats in transporting children between the ages of four and seven.

In Ohio, legislation has been passed to legally require the use of booster seats for children in the four to seven age group. On January 6, 2009, Governor Strickland signed Amended House Bill 320 into effect making significant changes to Ohio’s child safety seat requirements.

Although some members of the House and Senate viewed the additional requirement as an unnecessary infringement on individual liberties, several child safety and transportation groups came out in active support of the bill.

Under our current law, Ohio is one of only a few states for which child restraint laws are standard for all children under the age of eight. Under current Ohio law, an appropriate car seat is required for any child who is under the age of four or weighs less than 40 lbs.. Under the amendments contained in the bill, Ohio parents would also be required to have any child under the age of eight who is shorter than 4′9″ tall in a properly installed booster seat which complies with Federal motor vehicle safety standards. The violation of this requirement is still a secondary offense meaning that a driver cannot be pulled over just for not having the booster seat.

Colorado, Nebraska, and Pennsylvania, are states which are also viewed by child safety groups as deficient in their child restraint laws; However, Ohio was singled out and chastised recently by the National Transportation Safety Board for our lack of a booster seat requirement for the 4 to 7 age group. Further, the absence of a primary offense for failure to properly restrain children with booster seats in the 4 to 7 age group has been cited as a central obstacle to millions in Federal grant money which would otherwise be available to Ohio.

According to the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety, appropriate booster seats are used by only a small percentage of the drivers and booster seats are extremely effective in reducing injuries in crashes involving children ages four to seven years old. In support, the Foundation cites research by the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia indicating that children in this age category who were seated in booster seats were 59% less likely to suffer serious injury in crashes than those who were restrained using only a seat belt.

For help in finding and evaluating car seats and booster seats, an excellent guide can be found athttp://www.thenewparentsguide.com/choosing-a-car-seat.htm. For more information concerning this and other issues affecting the rights and obligations of parents in Ohio, feel free to visit the author at http:www.midohiodivorce.com



Liam

Shaun Parker asked:


Even the wealthy need mortgage advice. The world may be full of rich people but they only get rich by having the right advice in the first place.

Even in the fanciest, biggest of properties money problems can strike.

However I, like the general population, do not fall into the category of wealthy and need, even more so, to hang on to what little I have. As a family, our money had been sufficiently managed but you just never know when hard times are going to hit.

When my husband left me, I was in danger of losing my home as I could not keep up the repayments by myself. Unsure of what to do for the best and under a great deal of pressure, I decided to seek mortgage advice before it was too late.

My mortgage adviser found that I was on a flexible mortgage. Otherwise known as an Australian mortgage. This enables flexibility over the years when it comes to repayments. Over payments can be made during the more financially comfortable times and reduced payments, or payment holidays, during the leaner times.

As far as I was aware, no over-payments had ever been made and this proved to be the case when I spoke to the bank. However, after my mortgage adviser looked further into our agreement, it became apparent that over payments were not neccessary. My house was on the market and attracting a lot of attention so a 6 month payment holiday was organised which, hopefully, would take me up to a completed sale.

During this time, I could decide what I wanted to do and with the help of my mortgage adviser, look at my options. We sat and discussed my personal situation. I was working full time at a local supermarket but not on a wage that could sustain a lone mortgage. I did have a lump sum left over from the sale of my house but not enough for a deposit and I didn’t want to waste it.

With a young daughter to care for I needed to continue to bring in a wage and also find somewhere else to live. My retired parents were just fantastic at looking after my daughter while I was at work so childcare was not an expense that I had to worry about, though I always tried to help out.

My parents were eager to help and althought their mortgage was paid off, they had no savings and not enough space to let us live with them long term. However, my mortgage adviser came out to discuss the options with all of us and came up with a solution.

My parents decided to take out a lifetime mortgage. This is specifically for the over 60’s and is a way to free up the equity within your property without having to move or sell. A long term loan was arranged, with no monthly repayments. The idea is that the loan will accumulate interest over the life of the plan and will be repaid on the death of the homeowner or on the eventual sale of the house.

My parents only had a relatively small house but its value was greatly increased with the amount of land it was on. With this mortgage, my father was able to build a two-storey extension to his house for myself and my daughter. I was able to make a small contribution towards this out of the proceeds from the sale of my house so not all equity was used in my parents house.

My childcare facilities were on site and, thanks to some great mortgage advice, everybody was happy with no financial losses.



Rachel

Eren asked:


STRESS FREE MANAGING OF STRESSED CHILDREN & TEENAGERS IN PARENTING

(Based on author’s site www.geocities.com/chlstrs)

Parents’ child related stress extends to coping with children’s. Child stress is very common.

Pregnancy rates high on the official stress-scale and mothers sometimes suffer also ‘baby blues’. But, also, parents have to be alert to child stress symptoms and cope with their children’s stress –as well as to avoid becoming stressful themselves in doing so. This is common in parenting.

Parents did not use to have advice on child stress. National and international help and guidance to parents in child rearing and welfare only became available after the second world war. Parts of Africa and Asia entered the 21st century with help mostly, often only, from religious and charitable organizations. In western countries the UNICEF’s international efforts only gained generality in practice in the 1950s (when it was first theorised by Selye as the body’s [i.e., physiological] reaction when threat or danger is felt -a general adaptation syndrome which exceptionally at its most extreme is capable of leading to a nervous breakdown). There had not been any parenting advice on child stress. The parents’ job in dealing with child stress is not easy.

>>This is the gist of the generally agreed suggestions on child stress which may help…

A baby is born with fears: fear of falling and fear of noise. A child, right from the beginning, is susceptible to stress in those respects. This continues until the baby gets generally used to noise and learns to walk.

Young children may not have the vocabulary to express their fears. Teenagers feel misunderstood or have other sounding boards. In parenting these make a child’s stress, or the symptoms of child stress, difficult to notice.

Additionally, some child stress symptoms are unrecognisably mild.

Stress is caused, mostly, by a feeling of being unable to cope. This is so also in child stress. This feeling often arises from a situation the child is not used to and develops into child stress. Assure stressed children, and help.

Mild child stress also has symptoms. It may be in the form of irritability or mood changes on the part of the child. This may indicate lack of protein or carbohydrates (potatoes, pulses, sugar -fruits). Lack of these often causes mild stress. A stressed child may be lacking those.

Withdrawal indicates severe child stress. The stressed child may be being bullied.

Child stress symptoms vary as the child grows up. Being difficult indicates unsatisfied creativity. Enable difficult children creativity. Obsession or compulsion often is a guilt feeling. It may tempt to guilt transference. Suggest symbolic gestures, deeds to rid of it. These kinds of child stress are more suffered by children after they cease to be babies.

Babies dislike being alone and my suffer child stress. Be within sight as their protector.

Similarly, it causes the younger child stress if the child is alone in an unfamiliar environment. Accompany a young child to a new environment. Stay with the child, if possible, at first until the child is reasonably familiar with it.

Children’s fear of the dark is because one can best concentrate then. The child’s imagination comes into play about a horror movie or scary story. Teach the child to slightly open his eyes and concentrate on something in the bedroom. A night light helps reduce such child stress.

If separation or re-marriage has taken place, that may be the cause of the child’s stress surfacing in the form of fear of the dark. Talk to the child, explain, assure.

(But, if the child says that he can’t see well enough in the dark, it may be night blindness often caused by vitamin ‘A’ deficiency [eggs, cheese, whole milk -or cooked carrots]).

Also pubescence related guilt can cause child stress. Assure the child that it is normal and part of growing up.

Many teenagers suffer from child stress. Be a good listener to the teenager sufferers of stress. Show that you do understand. Don’t talk down, do not make light of teenagers’ dating problems. Teenagers like to be taken seriously and to be trusted.

Child stress is caused, both, the younger children and the teenagers also by what they regard as failure. On achievement oriented tasks, it is important in parenting to ensure to explain a child or that it is okay to try again.

These are the views of the experts on child stress. In parenting bear them in mind.

>>Coping with child stress may cause stress also to parents. Parents can not as easily cope with their children suffering from child stress if they themselves become stress sufferers.

Experts’ advice in parenting on easier coping with child stress is this: The adults raising children, first, should try to avoid stress for themselves. In parenting, especially if already having to cope with child stress, do rest. If at home, rest mid-morning. If you are at home and parenting young children, you should rest also for half an hour after lunch, or an hour before children return home.

If you cannot cope well, or if child stress appears severe, do consult a parenting or child stress expert.

Child stress is often contributed to because the parents ‘don’t understand’ the child. Don’t simply criticise or forbid children. Explain. Make allowance for the child’s age. Do not assume that having told the child ‘a million times’ the child necessarily understood or even that can, yet, understand what an adult can. It may lessen a child’s stress sometimes for parents to recall their own childhood…

(Verse by teacher the late Orhan Seyfi Ari…)

“Sometimes such fools we were, sometimes smart kids

Sometimes Satan’s tools, sometimes with saintly deeds”

The author has a website at: http://www.geocities.com/eoa_uk



Sydney

Sarah Beldo asked:


The current economic downturn has taken a toll on many aspects of American life, from the way we spend our leisure time to our hopes for the future.

Unless they are very young, it is impossible to completely shield kids from the effects of a struggling economy on the family finances – after all, stories about job loss and foreclosure fill the headlines on a daily basis.

And, in fact, a lot of experts’ parenting advice says it is a good idea to be honest with your children about money – without going overboard.

For instance, you could explain that they may have to wait longer to get that expensive toy because – like a lot of other families – you have had to deal with a lot of extra costs this year.

The key is to be open with the little ones without being scary. Make sure you are explaining things at an age-appropriate level and reassure them soundly that they should not be worried.

Talking to your kids about financial struggles can be stressful, but there are also opportunities to use your parenting skills to yield some positive results.

For example, has there ever been a better time to show your children – firsthand – that sound economic behavior such as spending within your means and saving for the future has benefit? And that delayed gratification can actually be rewarding?

There is more to be cheerful about. Many have suggested that as a result of the recession, hands-on parenting skills will become the norm, with families spending more time together and enjoying inexpensive and creative activities.

Libraries, for example, have reported growing numbers of families using their services, particularly to attend story time and to check out DVDs and books.

And in a holiday season in which retail sales are dismal at best, sales of family-centered video games – such as those for the Nintendo Wii platform – are managing to grow, while traditional board games remain resilient.

It just goes to show that with good parenting skills and the right attitude, your family can grow strong enough to withstand any financial storm.



Robert

Juan Jones asked:


The article I am writing about is how to have a great relationship with your children. In this article you will see how the friendship, parent to child relationship at its peak will build a healthy family.

A child should never look at a parent as a friend if they do they will begin to treat you and talk to you like a friend. The first way separate the two is pretty simple, have a child doing what children do play with friends, not hang around adult conversation and last but not least have some type of structure in their lives.

A child when turning the age seven needs some type of small chores around the house to be taught values and morals within life nothing will come without working daily no matter what you do. Its very important how this mentally effects a child while growing up.

When a child does wrong there has to be some type of discipline every time a problem happens or the same things will keep happening and as the child grows up to be an adult the problems get worst. I dont mean you have to abuse your child but simply be consistent when there is a problem. Example if he or she starts doing bad in school at first its a warning, if the same problem keeps happening you turn up the heat a little bit. Take something away that means something to them. Next step would be to take there freedom away ground them but make sure there is no activities while there grounded. That’s what the police does when you do bad right? Take your freedom and strip you of your rights.

What we do as parents affect how our children are today what they see on t.v also affects how they are in certain ways so as parents we should never do things around our kids we don’t want them to repeat lead by example our children are an example of their homes. Like they say you are a product of your environment.

Always show your kids how much you love them it will go a long way in life not just by rewarding them but by doing what ever you can to make them the best person ever. A lot of adults take the shortcut and would rather buy something for a kid than take the time and sit and see the child for who they really are.

This is not intended to bash the parents but instead give a little more motivation to bring your family closer. Most of us work all day anyway so about time you get home your ready to relax and handle other things so we tend to ignore the bigger picture. But the biggest and most important is the children of the future.



Bailey

Stephanie Lehane asked:


ATTACHMENT PARENTING:  PARENTING IN A DETACHED SOCIETY

By Stephanie Lehane  (January 2009)

There is a modern-day debate surrounding a centuries old practice that has been coined “attachment parenting”.  To first understand the controversy, one must define the term attachment parenting.  Attachment parenting is a way of child-rearing that serves as a guideline, rather than a rulebook, for parents to better understand the non-verbal communication they receive from their infants, babies, and children.   At odds with this concept is the parenting style popularized at the beginning of the twentieth century and passed down for several generations since. 

The three main modalities of attachment parenting as they relate to infants and babies are  breastfeeding, babywearing, and co-sleeping.  It seems the mere mention of any or all of these invites a plethora of advice and opinion.   In the face of all of the scientific data pointing toward breastfeeding as the best form of nutrition for babies, women of previous generations will often advise that new mothers bottle-feed.  This same troupe of well-intended matriarchs often tends to rally behind the concept that a baby, even an infant, can be spoiled.   And of course nursing mothers who opt to co-sleep with their infants receive dire warnings of increased risk for SIDS and children who will be in high school still climbing into bed with mom and dad.  Yet, for centuries, mothers out of instinct and necessity carried, cuddled, breastfed, and co-slept with their babies.  It wasn’t until the advent of modern medicine and the advancements of science that mothers began to question their innate sensibilities in favor of advice from professionals, typically men, who would tell them that there is a new and improved way to raise a healthy baby. 

THE CONTROVERSY

Breastfeeding

All mammals nurse their young.  So why is this form of feeding and nurturing human babies controversial and how and when did it come under attack?  To be sure, breastfeeding mothers have an easier time avoiding stares and unsolicited advice when they choose to feed their babies in public today than they did a decade ago.  But some stigma still exists as a throwback to a more puritan, sterile era where doctors and formula companies alike, worked to convince society that not only was formula a better choice for babies, bottle-feeding was a more modest option for women.  The first commercial baby formula was invented in 1860 by Henri Nestle in Switzerland and became popularized during the Industrial Revolution when women were leaving the home to work in factories.  Bottle feeding reached its height in popularity during World War II with only 20-30% of women in the U.S. breastfeeding at all.   Many women still choose to bottle feed their babies today as it is seen as a more convenient method, in spite of the American Academy of Pediatrics’ current recommendation to exclusively breastfeed infants for six months and continue to nurse through age one.  However, breastfeeding is gaining in popularity during the Information Age where modern parents are growing confident in its overwhelming benefits for both baby and mother.  According to renowned pediatrician and father of eight, Dr. William Sears, not only is breast milk a sound nutritional choice, but the act of breastfeeding itself encourages the bond between mother and child.  In order to become successful at breastfeeding, mothers must be able to interpret baby’s cues and trust in their own instincts.  Mothers become child-centered and focus on their babies’ needs and how to meet them.  Likewise, baby is able to tap into and interpret her mother’s social signals and trust that her needs will be met.  A symbiotic relationship develops wherein both parties to the breastfeeding partnership must ebb and flow together.  Breastfeeding is often viewed as the first and most important aspect of attachment parenting.

Babywearing

Babywearing in all its various forms dates back to the origins of recorded history.  Anthropologists have uncovered ancient etchings depicting women carrying their babies wrapped in cloth as they worked, walked, and cared for older children.  Across cultural lines, many methods of wearing babies exists and a recently there has been a resurgence in popularity in the developed world.  However, around the same time as breastfeeding began to decline, so did the art and practice of babywearing, particularly in the West, and for the same reasons.  Mothers began to listen to the advice of their doctors who explained that holding and carrying their babies too much would lead to spoiled babies.  All sorts of inventions and devices, such as strollers and playpens, began to emerge as places for women to put their babies so as not to spoil them.  It took only a couple of generations to figure out that the opposite is actually true.  Babies who don’t receive enough tactile stimulation from being held are less organized, cry more, and in extreme cases experience “failure to thrive” which means they do not grow and develop as they should.  Recently, a Motrin ad was pulled because of the backlash from a new generation of babywearing moms and dads offended at the ads suggestion that babywearing is a new fad, something done to be seen as trendy and fashionable.  These parents opine that carrying baby close to them is not only convenient, but is a wonderfully fulfilling way to build a bond with their baby.  There are several different styles of babywearing devices such as slings, pouches, wraps and carriers and in some areas parents can find consultants to help them decide which style is best for them and their lifestyle. 

Co-sleeping

This is perhaps the most controversial of all of the different areas of attachment parenting.  Certainly, it may seem odd to western parents used to the concept of creating a separate nursery for baby, complete with crib, changing table, dresser, and rocking chair.  Historically, co-sleeping, or the practice whereby infants, babies, and/or children sleep in the same bed with their parents, has been a common practice worldwide.  Since the nineteenth century, this practice has decreased in popularity in North America, Europe, and Australia as separate sleeping arrangements became affordable and desirable.  Among the reasons opponents of co-sleeping cite in favor of separate sleeping arrangements are the possibility that a parent could roll over and inadvertently crush or suffocate her baby, increased risk of SIDS, and the inability of older babies and children to become independent and sleep alone.  However, recent research has shown significant benefits to babies and parents who co-sleep.  Studies have shown that co-sleeping may actually reduce the risk of SIDS due to the baby mirroring his mothers breathing and sleep-cycle patterns.  This is because a major factor in SIDS deaths may be the inability of babies to regulate their breathing, thereby actually “forgetting” to breathe.  Additionally, babies in the family bed experience shorter and fewer deep-sleep states.  This is important because prolonged states of deep sleep, such as occur after long bouts of crying or sleeping alone, are potentially another major cause of SIDS.  (Note:  co-sleeping is not recommended when parents smoke, use drugs or alcohol, or are obese).   But the number one benefit proponents of co-sleeping cite is more sleep for all.   The family bed may be particularly convenient for breastfeeding mothers who can easily resume nursing until both mother and child drift peacefully back to sleep.  These mothers point out that there is no awakening to the piercing cries of a hungry baby, frightened and alone, adrenaline pumping for all as bottles are warmed and parents attempt to stay awake to feed him, only to have him re-awaken when returned to a cold crib sheet.

So it seems that modern parents are beginning to embrace the wisdom of ancient times.  As tightly-knit communities wane in favor of loosely-knit networks, individuals are more connected and yet more alone.  The paradox of today’s society is that it is both easier and more difficult than ever to be a successful parent.  There is more information available to parents than at any time in history.  Yet, information comes at a price:  if not careful, it can take the place of instinct.  In the end, the best approach for parents is to read, research, and understand available parenting methods and then trust themselves and their babies to do what is best.

Ref.  Baby Matters, Dr. Linda Palmer

         Askdrsears.com, Dr. William Sears

         Breastfeeding in a Bottle Feeding Culture, Tina Rychlik

         Wikipedia



Benjamin