Ask Denny Strecker

Emily Watson asked:


The parent-child relationship is at its most challenging when your child inhabits that wildly unpredictable phase that is often termed as ‘adolescence’ or ‘the teenage years’. Parents and teens go through a lot of ups and downs and encountering frustrated teenagers and equally frustrated parents is not an uncommon sight. Many parents feel as if they are dealing with complete strangers when interacting with their teens and they are at a loss as to the best way of connecting meaningfully with their teenage child. This becomes all the more difficult when parents are routinely subjected to the slamming of doors on their faces, disrespectful and cheeky back-talk and a judgmental attitude on the part of their kids.

If you are a parent who identifies with these parent and teen situations, the best way to react is to be objective and look within yourself first. In the first place, is some particular trait in you triggering a violent response from your child? Do you truly empathize with the problems of your child? Do you even know what problems your child encounters on a daily basis or are you relatively alienated from the life that your child leads? If you are ignorant of your child’s daily activities, have you made any serious effort to rectify the situation or have you just shrugged it off and decided to think about it later?

When answering these questions, honesty is essential. By being truthful, you might find the solutions to these problems within yourself and won’t need to take any professional help to reach a state of understanding and mutual respect with your teenage child. Parents need to realize that during the adolescent years, the teenage child is grappling with the world her or she lives in. She is neither completely an adult nor is she a child and a perfect balance is very difficult to attain. This is an age when the child has to deal with so many different issues and that too, on her own. Some amount of anger and rebellion in the parent-teen equation is only natural and should not surprise or disappoint you as a parent. There are certain things that you can do, however, that will lessen the trauma and create a better rapport with your teen.

First on this list is being a good listener. How many times do we get angry when others do not listen to us? Why, then, do we become inattentive when our child is narrating something that is apparently important to him/her? Is it because we think that we can get away with it or is it because we consider their issues too trivial for serious consideration? What you as a parent need to realize about your children is that their life and their problems are very overwhelming to them. Adult or not, you need to accord them the dignity of being a rational human being and treat them in a respectful manner. There are lots of parents who have unimaginably busy schedules which make it difficult for them to talk to their teenage children daily and find out what is going on in their lives. For such parents, delegating quality talk-time on weekends to their children will go a long way in establishing a great parent and teen sensibility.

The next thing that you need to remember is not to be emotionally affected when your teen hurls a scathing comment at you. If you react in a similar manner and become abusive, you will lose the trust of your child forever. This does not mean that you become a punching bag and take whatever comes your way. You just need to be firm and cool when your child is being particularly insulting and state that such behavior will not be tolerated in your vocabulary of the parent-teen relationship. As for your personal feelings, you need to understand that what makes your children so audacious is their certainty of your support, no matter what they say.

There are a large majority of parents who do not make their kids feel secure. They are over-critical and judgmental about their children. This can lead to terrible consequences with the teenage child. Not only is there a serious possibility of your teenage child being rebellious and moody, he may start rejecting every idea that you put forth. Teenage children need large doses of encouragement and approval from their parents for their personal growth and you need to be aware of this when interacting with them.

You also need to introspect and analyze your ways of expressing your anger or frustration. Do you lose control and give vent to excessive language or gestures when you are angry or hurt? Perhaps your teenager has observed these traits in you and unconsciously internalized them. If this is the case, then it is time to acknowledge the fact and try to bring about a change in yourself before you try and correct your susceptible teenager. This can also be a wonderful method to establish great comfort levels in the parent and teen relationship.

However, you also need to understand that certain situations rightly provoke anger in your teenage child. Rather than indulging in the blame game at this juncture, you should talk to your child and discuss the other alternatives that could have helped to cope with the situation better. This kind of discussion will help your child probe the choices that were available to him or her and deal with similar situations in a more matured manner. It will also help to cement the parent-teen tie and cause your child to look upon you as a benign guide who is always ready to stand by him or her.

Another sensible move on your part would be to assign your teenager with responsibilities and give them more control over their lives. Having the power to take personal decisions is extremely valuable to the teenage child and most of them will use it wisely since they do not want their parents to be disappointed in them. Of course, if you have serious reason to mistrust your child, this is a step that you have to re-consider. In most cases, though, the teenage child will appreciate your treatment and trust and behave in a manner that will make you proud as a parent.

These are some small steps that can transform the relationship between parents and teens into something that is incredibly precious and beautiful. What you ultimately need to remember is that thoughtful parenting during the teenage years will go a long way in developing great adults who will always look upon parents as their friends.



Morgan

Nishanth Reddy asked:


This interesting article addresses some of the key issues regarding healthy sleep habits. A careful reading of this material could make a big difference in how you think about healthy sleep habits to children. Healthy sleep habits for children are as significant as they are a necessary for health, proper growth and well-being.

Children, who get sufficient amount sleep every night function better throughout the day, are more alert, and their concentration, performance and memory are better than those who don’t sleep well. As well children with sleep problems are less likely to develop behavioral problems of any kind, moodiness, anxiety or depression.

The needs of sleep differ from child to child but school age children in general require in the area of nine to twelve hours of sleep per night. Consider these things if you are unsure whether or not your child is getting enough sleep every night.

If he/she wakes up easily in the morning that is a good sign

If he/she is wide awake, energetic and alert throughout the school day then the nighttime sleep is sufficient.

If a child can fall asleep within a period of fifteen minutes to a half an hour than he or she is getting enough sleep

It is significant to explain to your child why getting enough sleep every night is significant, not only in terms of his/her health but also for performance in school and other activities such as sports, music, playtime, etc.

Bedtime Routines

Above all else developing and following a routine before bedtime is the number one tip to encourage good sleep habits in your child is to. A routine is good for children because children like predictability and a bedtime routine makes it easier for a kid to calm down after their busy day, crawl into bed and drift off to sleep.

A typical bedtime routine for a child should look something like this- a light snack, a relaxing bath, dry off and put on pajamas, wash face and brush teeth, read a bedtime story and then it’s good night and lights out.

Same Bedtime

Stick to the same bedtime every night. An occasional change in the bedtime routine, such as when grandparents visit or during a holiday weekend is one thing, but for the most part, a consistent routine is best.

Children’s Bedroom

Always make sure that a child’s room is at a comfortable temperature and that it is peaceful and quiet. Also many children do not want to be left in the total darkness while they sleep so getting a nightlight is a worthwhile purchase to make.

Stress

Stress can cause sleepless nights for children so always encourage your son or daughter to talk with you about any concerns or worries he or she is having, whether they be family problems, school related problems and so on.

You may not consider everything you just read to be crucial information about healthy sleep habits for your children. But don’t be surprised if you find yourself recalling and using this very information in the next few days.

Cut-off Time for Entertainment

It is an excellent idea to devise a specific cut-off time for entertainment for your child, in terms of television, video games, and the computer and so on. It is not a good idea to have a television or a computer in a child’s bedroom, as they can be easily distracted or tempted to play after they are told, “Enough for today.”

It is an even better idea to cease television, computer or videos an hour before bedtime in order to make the preparation for sleep a calm and relaxing experience. A child does not need anything stimulating before bedtime.

Sleep Disorders for Children

Children can suffer from sleep disorders just like people of any age can. Sleep apnea, insomnia, enuresis (bed wetting), bruxism (teeth grinding), asthma that is nocturnal in nature and nightmares can all occur in children.

You make a visit to the doctor to decide upon a course of action, the better, if your child is having problems with sleep the sooner.

Educate Your Child about Sleep

Try to make the whole sleep experience as positive and uplifting as can be. Encourage your child to learn how to fall asleep on his/her own and not to need to rely on you.

Research has proven that a child sleeping in a parent’s bed runs a risk of them suffocating or being strangled and also fosters dependence to an unhealthy extent. None of these things are as likely to happen when the child is alone in their own bed.

It is the kid who can be alone and fall asleep by him/herself who learns better how to cope with moments when he or she is awakened during the night. The only time that you might want to stay with your child until they fall asleep is if they are sick or extremely fearful.

Take time to consider the points presented above. What you learn may help you overcome your hesitation to take action.



Jessica

Ron Loeffler asked:


RonJuneShop.com offers a full line of beautifully made, modern kids beds that will make your kids want to go to bed! While we cannot guarantee that your kid will go to bed without a fight every single night, we can promise that these modern kids bed sets will ease the struggle. And you will have the peace of mind that comes from knowing that the materials and construction techniques are safe and reliable, the manufacturer is reputable and the price you paid was fair.

Who wouldn’t want to sleep in a race car bed? They probably won’t admit it, but we’re pretty sure there are plenty of dads out there who would love to catch some shut-eye in a fire truck or a tugboat bed. But sorry guys – these are sized for kids.

In addition to fire trucks, tugboats and race cars, RonJuneShop.com offers the Bat-Mobile bed, the Hummer bed and a train bed. Many of rugged, way-cool styles also come with your child’s name and are available in a variety of colors. Coordinating accessories include dressers, desks and bookshelves. These beds are amazing detailed and are finished with the highest quality paints and hardware.

For the girls, there is a delightful selection of canopy styles, princess beds and cloud beds. Also finished to the highest standards of quality and durability, these heirloom quality beds and accessories will be the center point of your child’s dream bedroom. Finished with just the right coordinating accessories, these bedrooms will be envy of the neighborhood.

For toddlers, there is a great selection of beds that look just like the big kids’. Like all of the unique kids beds available here, a full line of matching accessories is available separately. The toddler cots are low to the floor, reducing the chance of injury if the child falls out. Slightly raised sides reduce the likelihood of an accident, but the thoughtful addition of a low clearance adds peace of mind.

When choosing between the various styles, be aware that some are available as twin, full or cot sized mattresses. 



Leah

Nicholas Tan asked:


Putting your toddler to bed can sometimes be an exercise in frustration. If you have experienced this, you might want to consider one of the following techniques to make bedtime a peaceful time.

Be consistent about bed times and waking times. Your toddler is more likely to respond positively if he’s used to a specified schedule. The earlier your child’s routine is established, the easier it is to put them to bed without incident.

Make the activities the same every night, and make the time before bed quiet and peaceful. Whether a parent tells the child a story, provides a bedtime snack, puts in a short video, or plays quiet games before putting the child in bed, consistency is the key.

Try not to lie in bed with your toddler until he falls asleep.  This might actually have the opposite effect, and might encourage your child to stay awake, and ask for drinks of water and more bedtime stories. An alternative might be telling your toddler you’re going to complete a chore and that you’ll come back in and check on them in a few moments.  It’s most likely that the child will fall asleep while waiting for mom or dad to return.  You might also want to talk about your child’s day with them.  Keep your tone soft and quiet, and try not to excite your child in the process.  Turning this into a nighttime story with your child as the main character is a fun option as well.

As the child grows older, if a consistent bedtime is maintained the task will become easier. The most important issue is consistency and repetition. If the child can expect the same thing every night, and these customary tasks are pleasant, bedtime can become a delightful family ritual. If however, your child is continually resisting sleep, talk with your child’s pediatrician, as their might be a medical problem at the root of it.



Logan

Shyamala Karunakarapandian asked:


Basics Of Parenting

            Today, the one and the only question that is in the minds of everybody is “where are the youth of this generation going?” as the lifestyle and values of the youth is bothering the society to say the least. Though the  problems created by the youth and the problems faced by them are innumerable, it is not the state of affairs of the youth alone that is causing anxiety. The baby on its way into this world, new born babies and the children in different stages of growth  also face and cause problems. While trying to find the root cause of the problem it is the parents who are blamed for it, most of the time.   Though they are not the sole cause, they have a major role to play.   Their success in parenting depends on the kind of parents they are, their environment, the support from the family, the possibility of getting trained for parent hood, the level of education, the nature of the child concerned etc.,. The problems, mostly psychological, would vanish with proper  parenting.  In the early days, people mostly lived in joint families.  The experience and advice the young parents received from the elders, parents, aunts, grand parents, uncles, guided them in the process of parenting.  The children also had many people to support them, to allow them to vent their feelings and  to learn the probable ways of findings solutions to their problems.

True Story

            While talking to a group of adolescent girls shocking messages came to light.   Many of the adolescent girls were having illicit relationship with auto drivers with whom they were coming to school.   Deeper analysis brought out the fact that these girls were longing for love from their parents.    When an iota of love or something akin to it is shown by the auto driver, they easily fall a prey to the former’s devious designs; of course they suffer later when they find it difficult to extricate themselves from the driver’s clutches.    Only the parents can help these children.    One of the great, noble traits of parenthood is love  and that alone can cure many ills faced by the children and youth. It can help the girls to retrieve themselves1.

            In yet another instance, a 5 years old orphan boy in a care centre for the AIDS infected persons   stunned the onlookers by saying that if his father had had proper parenting, he would not have gone astray and ended with AIDS, infecting his mother too2. Even this small lad knows the importance of parenthood.   Everyone knows about parenting and follow the kind of parenting demonstrated by their parents or that which they have learnt through courses or training or advice given by psychologists or gurus.

Styles of Parenting:

            Just as there are different types of human beings, there are different types of styles of parents.    The parents’ style influences the level and kind of development of the child.    Whatever may be the style of parenting the essentials to be looked into are, “Express your love, make your child feel secure. Build their self-esteem. Stay flexible and recognize the time for change as your child grows. Communicate openly and honestly and be confident  in your own ability”3. When you talk to your child, you should be actually listening not just hearing.

            There are different types of parenting, such as “Authoritative, Authoritarian, Permissive4”.   Parents who are very clear about their role and give instructions with confidence can be considered as Authoritative.   The Reader’s Digest Great Dictionary of the English language shows that authoritative means commanding and self confident, while authoritarian implies, favoring or enforcing strict obedience to authority5.  It is similar to dictatorship.

            Another variety of parenting is known as permissive.  These parents allow their children to follow their own path, mostly non-interfering.   It is similar to saying, “let the sleeping dogs lie” as they are.   These parents do not want to follow any strict rules or take up much responsibility in bringing up their children.   There is another mode of classifying the parents.   According to this classification, there are three types of parents, such as Consultant, Helicopter, Dull Sergeants6.

Three Types of Parents

           

CONSULTANT

 

HELICOPTER

 

DRILL SERGEANT

 

This Love and Logic parent provides guidance and consultant services for children

 

This parent hovers over children and rescues them from the hostile world in which they live.

 

This parent commands and directs the lives of children.

1.

The Love and Logic parent provides messages of personal worth and strength

1.

provides messages of weakness and low personal worth

1.

provides messages of low personal worth and resistance

2.

The Love and Logic parent very seldom mentions responsibilities

2.

makes excuses for the child, but complains about mishandled responsibilities

2.

makes lots of demands and has lots of expectations about responsibility.

3.

The Love and Logic parent demonstrates how to take care of self and be responsible

3.

“takes on” the responsibility of the child

3.

tells the child how he /she should handle responsibility

4.

The Love and Logic parent shares personal feelings about own performance and responsibilities

4.

protects the child from any possible negative feelings

4.

tells the child how he / she should feel

5.

The Love and Logic parent provides and helps child explore alternatives and then allows child to make his / her own decision

5.

makes decisions for the child

5.

provides absolutes : “This is the decision you should make”.

6.

The Love and Logic parent provides “time frames” in which child may complete responsibilities

6.

provides no structure, but complaints, “After all I’ve done for you…”

6.

demands that jobs or responsibilities be done now

7.

The Love and Logic parent models doing a good job, finishing, cleaning up, feeling good about it.

7.

whines and uses guilt : “When are you ever going to learn.   I always have to clean up after you.”

7.

issues orders and threats: “You get that room cleaned up or else…”

8.

The Love and Logic parent often asks self, “Who owns the problem?” helps the child explore solutions to his / her problem

8.

whines and complains about having an irresponsible child who causes “me” much work and responsibility

8.

takes over ownership of the problem using threats and orders to solve the problem

9.

The Love and Logic parent uses lots of actions, but very few words

9.

uses lots of words and actions that rescue or indicate that the child is not capable or responsible

9.

uses lots of harsh words, very few actions

10.

The Love and Logic parent allows child to experience life’s natural consequences and allows them to serve as the teacher

10.

protects child from natural consequences, uses guilt as the teacher

10.

uses punishment; pain and humiliation can serve as the teacher.

Source: http://www.loveandlogic.com/pdfs/threetypes.pdf

One way to identify the kind of parents is by analyzing the kind of gifts they give to their children in order to make them do any specific activity.  Some parents have a survival mentality; they give their child “whatever” just to make them do the job. Some parents operate with a default mentality.    They give their child what is popular without considering whether it will be the most helpful. In actual practice the parent should be operating deliberately and purposefully, giving the child what is useful after carefully thinking through.    They are usually known as “intentional parents” 7.   Depending on what kind or type of parents they are, the goals, and gifts also change.    In the case of permissive parents, the guiding motive will be, “If I can just make it through the child – rearing years, I can get my life back”.   Their goal will be “jilting the kids out of the house”.  They follow the easiest method of doing whatever is easy to do.  Hence, they use bribes, threats and use TV as a baby sitter8.

            On the other hand, those “who want to give the child what will be best and most helpful for him”, will have the goal of preparing the child for life as a productive adult. They would spend quality time with the child, imparting ethical values to the child.  The gifts given by such parents would be, “religious books, enjoyable pastimes, academics, home skills and chances for socialization” 9.

            If a child is to be successful in life, the appropriate parental care is necessary.    But, of course, there are children who grow up into successful adults, in spite of defective parenting.   But such cases are very rare.   The society at present is facing problems of parenting especially in the case of single parent, divorced parents, simple and extended families. Most of the children brought up by single parent and unmarried mothers, find it difficult to cope with the pressures in the family and society.

Parenting Skills:

            With, hectic work schedule of the parents, the heavy load of learning coupled with  many distractions and the problems faced by the society, the children are looking for the support of their parents for a secure life.    It is ordinarily observed that parenting without proper foundation has always and indefinitely led to confusions in  child development.    What is essential is

Ø  Developing and clarifying clear communicative expectations.

Ø  Staying calm in the midst of turmoil

Ø  Encouraging positive consequences and consistency.

Ø  Being the role model to your child.

Ø  Effective praising.10

           

To be a successful parent discipline is necessary.  At the same time, there should be consistency in whatever the parents are saying and doing, parents should have a preplanned, pre-developed strategy to teach proper behaviour to the child. That is, both the parents,or the single parent should make their expectations clear to the child. , Both of them can sail smoothly while bringing up their child.    They should be very specific and firm in teaching their children. Moreover, the parents must take into consideration the child’s age, ability, developmental status and the resources that are available for the family.11   Once the expectations are clearly stated, it is necessary that both the parents should communicate it to the child, without contradictions.    In addition to these, there should be frequent family ‘get togethers’.  Instead of punishing the child for not abiding by the expectations, it will be better to have discussions to clear the child’s doubts and parents being role models.

            Ray Burke states that “Children can be sarcastic, defiant, rebellious and possibly violent, parents have to prepare themselves for times like these and learn to keep cool” 12.   Yet another way to increase or encourage desirable behavior is to use positive consequences.    What the parents should remember is to use the positive consequences that would work with the child.   While developing a child’s behavior the parents should remember “consistency”.    Consistency is the key to being a successful parent.    This gives the message to the child that “your parents are reliable and serious”.

            The most important aspect of successful parents is that the parents should be role model for their child 13. The parent should be a positive role model for their child to follow.    As Ray Burke say, “Praise is powerful…. Praise is nourishment.   It helps in the emotional development.  It helps in building up self-esteem, belief of personal satisfaction, feeling of security.”14    The praise should be communicated to the child either verbally or through action.

Parenting Skills :

Ø  Discipline

Ø  Education

Ø  Finance

With the social changes,  the extended family that existed earlier, which played the vital role of a model, a shock absorber, a vent for relieving one’s feelings has become a thing of the past.   Hence, the parents of the modern era have to learn creative ways of bringing up their children.   It is found that the most important but controversial parenting skills is DISCIPLINE.   Whether the method is, redirection, time-outs, loss of privileges, grounding, extra chores, or sparking, the parents should embrace their role to train their children to become moral and respectable adults15. The second skill to be acquired by the parents is regarding education.  The parents should also be educating their children in moral values.   The child’s education should take into consideration certain important facts16:

v  Family’s financial status.

v  Quality of local public and private schools.

v  Level of parental education.

v  Personalities of parents and children.

v  Home schooling support and resources.

v  The involvement of the parents in the child’s education.

Besides education, one of the important parenting skills is the effective way of dealing with financial issues.    The demand for expenditure for rearing the child, medical, hygienic needs etc. are soaring high today.     Hence, a successful parent should know what is essential and what is not before deciding upon the expenditure of the limited resources.

Conclusion

            There is no doubt that children bring us much joy and much responsibility.   Most of the stress and worry of bringing them up can be reduced or removed with proper, careful planning.    The parents should plan when to have a child.   The working mother, if she is to stay at home, once the child is born, should plan earlier to save as much as possible and cut down the family expenditure.   Both the parents have to plan to set aside enough time to be with the child, not only when it is a baby, but till the child becomes an adult.

             The parents, need not be only the problematic, should avail of training in parenting skill as much as possible. First of all, both parents should have a congenial and frank communication between them.   Only then, once the child comes into the family, they will be able to communicate with the child easily.   Further the “ego”, the concept of “I” should be relegated to the background.    It is possible that the child becomes sick at times mildly, at times seriously.    Both the parents should take responsibility of looking after the child, not blaming each other as the cause of sickness.    The child rearing, though filled with difficulties, hurdles and events that test one’s tolerance, is undoubtedly a pleasure.  It is a joy.   A successful parent should know how to smile.    That will reduce the stress and pain of the child.    As it grows into adolescent stage, the skills of the parents should be developed further.    They should know more about the physique, the psychology and mental development of the child.

            It should be remembered that the requisites of  an effective parent are dedication, attention, love and constant denial of easily administering swift punishment. Though parenting is time consuming, the fruits are very attractive.    The future generation and its success depends on the effective, successful and cheerful parents of today to a great extent.

END NOTES

1.       Author’s personal experience

2.       Ibid.

3.       http://www.raisingkids.co.uk 10.14.2008



http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/614981/authoritative_authoritarian_and_permissive.html

The Great Dictionary of English Language (Readers Digest Association Limited, London, 2003) p.56, 57

Three Types of Parents: Love and Logic institute – www.loveandlogic.com 1981.

http://intentionalparents.com/types-of-parents/ p.1

Ibid. p.2.

Ibid.p.2

http://allp



Hayden

marneta Viegas asked:


dtime one of the most stressful times of the day? If you are having problems, you may like to try some of these Relax Kids exercises….all devised to help your child relax and sleep, so letting you be free to enjoy the whole evening.

 

Relaxing Games Sleeping Beauty – Ask your child to imagine they are Sleeping Beauty or someone in the palace.  Imagine there has been a spell cast over the whole palace and they have to lie very still not moving a muscle. Sleepy Starfish – Ask your child to lie down on their back, with their legs and arms apart. Stay very still and imagine they are a sleepy starfish resting at the bottom of the ocean. Breathe in and, as they breathe out relax the arms. Breathe in and as they breathe out, relax the legs. Breathe in, and as they breathe out, relax the head. See how still they can be at the bottom of the ocean, resting like a sleepy starfish. Sleeping Lions Get your child to roar as loud as you can and tense the whole of their body for the count of ten and then lie down on the bed as still as they can. Breathing Exercises Get your child to lie on their back and breathe into their stomach.  Pop a small toy or piece of paper on their stomach and let them watch it go up and down gently as they breathe in and out. Ask your child to take in a deep breath and as they breathe in, breath in a feeling of deep peace and quiet and as they breathe out and send peace and quiet into the room. Massage Try stroking your child’s face or palms.  Circling their palm in a clockwise direction with your thumb is very restful. Give your child a wonderful head massage. Get your child to lie on their back and imagine their arms and legs are floppy like cooked spaghetti.  Lift their arms and legs one by one giving them a little wiggle to check if they are relaxed.   More tips and exercises If you have a digital radio, you might like to tune into fun radio or www.funradiolive.com  At 1pm , every weekday, listen to a 4 min Relax Kids relaxation which is perfect for getting the children ready for dreamland. There are lots more exercises and relaxation tips on the website for you to print off and practise at home. If you have any friends who might benefit from from the Relax Kids VIP Newsletter, (regular updates, offers, competitions, freebies, top tips and Relax Kids secrets) please feel free to email this page. 

Isaiah

Jason McIntyre asked:


As parents, it’s one of the most important baby steps towards establishing consistency for your child. A good bedtime routine will provide them with comfort, plenty of sleep and most importantly, quality time each evening with you!

The comfort will come from your child knowing exactly what to expect at the end of each day. This comfort will reduce stress and create a more easy going and predictable evening each night. I can’t stress how positive an impact this will have in the moment, and for years to come. Be patient as you introduce the new routine and be prepared for some negative feedback at first. Remember that children, from newborns to teenagers, will test each new routine you put in place. Stay with it. Be consistent in your message and eventually, the child will follow your lead.

Establish a bedtime that makes sense for the age of your child and also for your daily responsibilities. No child through age 12 should be going to bed any later than 9pm. Likewise, if you work until 6:30pm each night, don’t plan your child’s bedtime for right when you get home. Choose a time frame that will work for you and allow you and your child the time needed to follow your routine each evening.

The consistency of a regular bedtime routine, will create the base for working on other common parenting topics, such as bathing, toileting and oral hygiene.

Make sure your bedtime routine includes daily tasks such as bathing, brushing teeth & using the toilet. These daily tasks will become routine and habit (and save you loads of arguments as your child gets older!) For infants, try to change them in the same place, put them down for naps and bedtime with the same music/CD and use the same words and tones of voice each time. Infants need routine and consistency as a way establishing trust with you.

Sleep for our children in today’s society has been overlooked. A tired child will be more likely to perform poorly in school, be more likely to not have interest in physical activities (thus our problem with obese children) and be more likely to get into arguments and fights in school (affecting their social-emotional development) Sleep is the key that no one talks about, but is at the heart of many childhood issues.

Typical bedtimes for newborns and younger babies is around 6:30 to 7pm. Kids ages 1 to 3 typically will go to bed around 7 to 7:30pm. Children ages 4 to 7 will have an average bedtime of around 7:30 to 8pm and kids ages 8 to 12 should be in bed no later than 9pm. These are averages and every child is different. The general rule is that the younger you are, the more sleep you require, but on school nights, unless they are in high school, all kids should be in bed by 9pm, for the sleep they need.

The last part of the equation is the most rewarding and important. Spend time with your child one-on-one every night right before they go to bed. You are the one they want to see. You are the one they want to be with. Select activities that you both can do together. The more intimate the activity, the better.

Reading is probably the most popular and beneficial activity parents try to incorporate into their children’s bedtime routines. Sitting or laying in bed with your child and reading to them is soothing, calming and relaxing. It will also start the process for your child learning to read. As they grow, you can turn it around and have them read to you. Other activities that aren’t quite as beneficial, but will still accomplish the goal are: a television show that you both watch together each night (obviously for older kids…talk about what was happening in the show during commercials) and board games (my 9 year old loves to beat me at math trivia…I’m awful at math!)

Parenting is one of the most important jobs any of us can have and one of the most mis-understood. We are building humans. If you were constructing a skyscraper, you wouldn’t start building without first pouring a foundation. Don’t fail your child by not creating those important daily routines for them. Use the tips and strategies I have outlined above and create a consistent bedtime routine for your child.



Megan

Silvana Clark asked:


the director of Chloe’s camp to let him know she only drinks orange-pineapple juice for breakfast…not plain orange juice.”

“We had Jacob’s soccer coach over for dinner to make sure he understood that Jacob doesn’t respond well to direct commands. We want the coach to use “suggestions” when talking to Jacob about soccer techniques.”

“I can’t believe the teacher asked Phoebe to write her paper again with better penmanship. Doesn’t that woman know it’s the content of the writing rather than how it looks? I don’t want Phoebe to think she is a poor writer just because of sloppy handwriting.”

Ahhhh the thought patterns of helicopter parents! These over-bearing, obsessive, hovering parents micro-manage every aspect of their children’s lives. It isn’t enough to make sure their toddler listens to Baby Einstein and excels at Gymboree classes. The Wall Street Journal recently reported cases of helicopter parents accompanying their college-graduate children to job interviews. Some companies offering internships for college seniors now conduct parent orientation programs to stem the numerous phone calls from helicopter parents. While helicopter parents may have the best intentions, in reality, they are raising children with few problem solving skills. Children with hovering parents never get the chance to face disappointment and build up resiliency.

Let’s hear it for …SUBMARINE PARENTS! Think about your typical submarine. (Not an everyday topic of parental discussion.) Submarines usually remain underwater, out of sight. In case of a need for emergency surfacing, submarines can rise so quickly they are propelled partially out of the water. Submarine parents also remain out of sight, yet able to pop up in the case of an emergency. Let’s look at the difference between helicopter and submarine parents: Helicopter Parents: Prepare sack lunches for their child, complete with dinosaur shaped sandwiches and lengthy notes extolling the wonder of their child’s intelligence, good looks and ability to use the remote. Submarine Parents: Lay out a variety of school lunch supplies and encourage their child to pack his own lunch. If Matt packs only chips and carrot sticks, he’ll get hungry and pack a bigger lunch the next day.

Helicopter parents: Sell family heirlooms on E-Bay in order to pay for a $3, 995 Silver Cross Pram. (Canopy only an additional $225.00!) In order to get full use out of this pram, even three and four year olds are pushed through the park while munching on gourmet, flax-seed crackers. Submarine Parents: Buy a sturdy and comfortable stroller at a garage sale for $25.00. As soon as the child starts to walk, the stroller is re-sold at a garage sale and kids get exercise by walking and running.

Helicopter Parents: Participate in all their child’s homework projects. When a fifth grade teacher assigned the task of building a model of the solar system, (without using Styrofoam balls!) helicopter parents complained in mass. How could their future astronomer reconstruct the galaxy of planets without proportionately sized Styrofoam balls? Submarine Parents: Encourage their children to look around the house for items to use. One mother donated a collection of dryer lint so her son could add glue and create mini-lint balls representing planets.

I admit, I’m a submarine parent. My job as a parent is to have fun with my daughters while letting them explore and learn natural consequences. My youngest daughter Sondra didn’t know stores had dressing rooms until she was eight. I bought all her (cute!) clothes at garage sales and consignment shops. After washing each item, she’d find it hanging in her closet or folded in a drawer. There was no discussion about, “Will you wear this if I buy it for you?” My older daughter found herself acting in commercials and making more than minimum wage as a teen. To give her a sense of the real world, I insisted she spend three weeks every summer, picking strawberries and earning $3.50 on a good day. When Sondra was six, she wanted an uber-expensive American Girl Doll. I cut the full color, 18″ picture out of the American Girl catalog and had it laminated. “Here’s your American Girl Doll.” I said “When you turn nine, I’ll buy you the three dimensional doll on your birthday.” Sondra played with her flat doll for months, making clothes and furniture for her. She learned creativity. I saved $88.00.



Aubrey

Jan Richards asked:


Bedtime routines and rituals are very important for most children in establishing positive sleep patterns and in developing a sense of security and stability. Your child will benefit from a set bedtime. Pick a time for bed that is reasonable for your child and which you can consistently provide.

Establish a bedtime routine that can provide predictability and a comforting, familiar pattern. Even an understandable and structured visual pattern can assist this process and can provide reminders and consistency for the whole family.

A good bedtime routine will help teach a child to calm down, relax and get ready to sleep. However, not every technique works for every child. For example, if bathing is stimulating or frightening for your child, it’s probably a better idea to do it at another time of day rather than right before you want your child to calm down and go to sleep. Incorporate activities that you know have a calming effect on your child into their bedtime preparatory routine. Keep the routine short and sweet. It should realistically only consist of four to six steps that can be completed in a reasonable time frame, not drawn out into hours on end each night.

Reading a favorite book each night, brushing teeth, having a glass of water, and saying a goodnight prayer can all be calming, soothing activities for a young child to perform each night routinely. Hugging and kissing family members is usually also an integral part of the process, of course!

There are those nights or times when circumstances prevent your child from getting to bed at their usual time. Be sure not to shortchange the process when this happens, but keep in mind that each step can be shortened significantly in order to prevent long frustrations at a time when everyone is tired.



Juan

Abhishek Agarwal asked:


It is important that a child carries out a routine every night in order to establish a positive pattern of sleep and this helps develop a sense of stability and security. Choose a particular time and be in bed exactly at that time.

Always have a bedtime routine that will provide some sort of comfort and keep maintaining this pattern.

It is important to establish a routine when it comes to bedtime, it must be really comforting and a predictable pattern. It must be structured in such a way that anyone in the family can tell what you will do one after other.

A good sleep always relaxes the child and it helps the kid to get ready for the challenges thrown on him the next day. It is really important that the kid feels comfortable in whatever it does and it is not forced to do it, because it will cause a considerable amount of damage. Let your kid do what it feels is stress busting, because that is what induces a calm effect on the child. Keep the routine crisp. All the routines must get done in a matter of few minutes and must not drag on for hours.

Saying prayers, brushing the teeth, drinking a glass of milk, reading a book are all things that can be really soothing and will induce good sleep and it will also be considered as a very good habit in the longer run. Hugging the family members before going to sleep induces a positive vibe.

There are times when your kid might not get the usual situations to sleep that it usually gets. When this happens, be sure that it does not affect the routine of your kid. Each step taken by the kid is actually to avoid any problems in the longer run. Good sleep and good sleeping routines reduce tension and frustration.



Aaliyah