Ask Denny Strecker

Ellie Dixon asked:


Being able to read is fundamental to sucess in today’s society and acquiring early reading skills should, above all, be fun for your child. It’s one thing to be able to teach a child to read, but it’s quite another to teach a child to love reading. Early reading therefore doesn’t just involve teaching your child to recognise letters, sound out words and put them into sentences, but must also be concerned with fostering a love of books, words and the written language. Here are some ways to nurture such a love:

Be selective – For very early reading choose books with large, clear, bright and cheerful illustrations and short, simple text. Many toddlers prefer rhyming books as they love the rhythms in poetry, but now is also a good time to start introducing some very simple stories in prose.

Be persistent – Many toddlers do nothing but wriggle the first time they’re read to, but persistence is usually rewarded. Introduce a regular story time, bedtime is the traditional favorite, but if you have time in the morning a cuddly reading session in bed can be nice too.

Be creative – You know what interests and attracts your child better than the book’s author. So don’t feel you have to read the words exactly as they’re written. Allowing your imagination to improvise along the way can greatly increase your child’s enjoyment of the story and help encourage early reading.

Be interactive – Long before your child is able to read, they can join in the reading process. Ask them to point out the various characters in the illustrations as you go along, or later get them to fill in some blanks in sentences or rhymes in books they’re familiar with. As they get older try asking them questions like, “What do you think will happen next?” Participation is part of the fun experience that early reading should be – your child loves to have your attention and will actively look forward to these sessions together.

Be expressive – Remember – early reading should be fun – and nobody likes to listen to a boring monotone. A toddler who is still developing language skills will find an expressive reading style not only more enjoyable, but also easier to understand.

Be repetitive – Toddlers love to hear the same story over and over. It can drive you to distraction (believe me I know!!) but it’s incredibly satisfying to their young ears – and will encourage those early reading skills too.

Keep it short – Your toddler hasn’t developed a long attention span yet, so keep those early reading sessions brief. Go from page to page quickly to keep them from getting fidgety, and be ready to end story time after just a few minutes if they’re really not in the mood.

Be cuddly – Children who associate reading with the comfort of curling up on a much-loved parent’s lap almost always enjoy reading books later on.

Set a good example – If your toddler sees you reading, even occasionally, they’re likely to think it’s a good, grown-up pastime and will probably begin to initiate their early reading sessions themselves.

Finally, cut down on the amount of TV that’s watched by your toddler and the rest of the family. Research has shown that families who watch less read more.

Check out Scruffy’s Bookshop, to download some great illustrated books for both pre-schoolers and older children. Because you print them at home they’re instantly available, and if they get damaged – just print another copy!



Robert

Susan Giurleo asked:


One of the most important routines to establish, especially for kids with ADHD and autism spectrum disorders, is the bedtime routine. But why are these routines so important? If you have a child who is hard to manage at bedtime, or will not settle for bed, who is up and down all night long, or comes into your bed in the wee hours– you are tired. And guess what? Your child is tired, too. And believe it or not, a tired child can look like a more hyper and active child, and the more tired he gets, the harder it is to get to sleep! 

Often kids with ADHD and AS have a hard time slowing down at night. Their brains just don’t feel sleepy, but a good night’s sleep is imperative for concentration and focus during the daytime. A good, solid bedtime routine “cues” the brain to start to relax and “shut off” for the night. Good sleep hygiene is a behavior. It is something we can teach our brains and bodies to do. All that getting up and down all night long — it’s a behavior. Coming into your bed, waking you late at night — those are behaviors. Lucky for us, behaviors can change! 

The first step is to plan to make a change in bedtime routines and commit to sticking with a plan. Trying a new way of doing things one or two nights will make no difference at all. A commitment of a few weeks is necessary. After that initial commitment to the process, sit down and list the things necessary for your child’s bedtime routine. Somewhere in there a child must change clothes, brush teeth, get into bed and lights go out. I’m a big fan of reading to a child before bed — it is a nice way to wind down and spend some quiet, quality time together. The order of these events can be up to you — but once the order is established DON’T CHANGE IT! This gives your child the ability to predict all the steps in bedtime and relax because she does not have to guess about what to do next, which can lead to anxiety, which can equal not sleepy. 

Imagine nights where your kids go to bed at a decent hour, you get time to do adult things and relax and your child gets a good night’s sleep (and so do you). It can happen with a commitment and a plan to change bedtime behavior. 



Riley

Alex Martin asked:


ABSTRACT

The importance of parental involvement as an accelerating and motivating factor in their children’s education is a worldwide-accepted fact. This research project provides an in depth explanation along with specific reasons, the importance of parents’ involvement in their children’s education. It also discusses the parenting techniques, their types and their consequences if neglected. It also describes the ways to measure the outcome of the positive parental involvement. Furthermore, it mentions the teachers involvement and the difficulties faced by the teachers in getting parents involved in their children’s (this is further supported by the examples of two teachers who with their deliberate efforts won the parents over to devote their maximum attention towards their children), single-parent involvement, children’s own efforts to improve their academic levels and joint home-school based interventions. A detailed analysis of the different main ideas is given, based on the findings from other research surveys and projects.

INTRODUCTION:

Parental involvement can be seen to fall into three types: 1) Behavioral, 2) Intellectual and 3) Personal. The research explores the effect of multi-dimensional participation of parents and the resulting progress of children in their studies when different parental resources were dedicated to them. Actively participating parents help their children in their academic development by going to schools and participating in open houses. By keenly observing the behavior of their children they can rightly judge the kind of behavior or the allocation of resources required by their children. Such caring parents can also motivate teachers to become more attentive towards a particular student, thus maintaining the cycle of parent-teacher involvement. Encourage Building up cognitive and perception abilities in a child are a major concern in the upbringing of the child. The way the parents involve their children in cognitive learning is by exposing them to different cognitively stimulating activities and materials such as books, electronic media and current events at home. This helps the child to practice all sorts of language comprehending skills at the school. The results show a remarkably positive behavior at the school and with peers.

Two parenting processes namely the Supportive Parenting (SP) and Harsh Parenting (HP) helped a lot in the research of parental involvement in their children’s education. By adjusting the levels of supportive parenting, different levels of successful outcomes were observed. Supportive parenting in even kindergarten students yielded positive results. Four measures of supportive parenting were used in the study, they were:

1. Proactive teaching.

2. Calm discussion in disciplinary encounters.

3. Warmth.

4. Interest and involvement in peer activities.

The assessments were conducted when children entered kindergarten and when they reached grade 6. There was a factor noted to hinder children’s development: family adversity. It was the result of a multipurpose negative process that included the risk of low socio-economic status, single-parenting and family stress. Child maladjustments were found to be more common in families with such adversities. No matter how much negative impacts were cast, SP was found to overcome the risks associated with family adversity. SP was strongly related to adjustment procedures in grade 6 children who had single parent family or experienced low socio-economic status (SES) in their early childhood.

In a way to socialize their children, parents adopted the techniques of calm discussion and proactive teaching. They helped lessen the behavioral problems by carrying long discussions with their children, cultivating in them a sense of respect, calmness and peace of mind. Mothers also participated actively in reducing the peer stress among their children. It is also a widely accepted fact that supportive parenting plays an important role in the children’s development of empathy, prosocial behavior and emotional competence. On the negative side, the absence of supportive parenting may be related to the development of internal problems such as anxiety and depression.

Lack of the necessary parental care and attention is the main factor for the subsequent rise in the percentage of juvenile delinquency (crime among children). The absence of parental instructions causes children to develop irreversible behavioral and emotional problems. They in order to seek attention, resort to crimes thinking that in this way they could fulfill their wishes. They may revert to uncontrolled violence if not kept an eye upon. Such criminal activities cannot be brought to a halt until their distressing symptoms of low self-esteem, depression, dysphonic mood, tension and worries, and other disturbances are relieved. And the importance of parents’ role in this regard cannot be over-emphasized.

In an effort to describe parental involvement, many researchers use a term “Transition”(Lombardi, Joan). “Transition” is used to describe the time period in which children move from home to school, from school to after school activities, from one activity to another within a pre-school, or from pre-school to kindergarten. The untiring endeavors of teachers in the phenomenon of transition cannot be ignored. They prepared the children and their parents to face the problems of adjusting to elementary school programs that had different psychology, teaching styles and structure than the programs offered at the kindergarten level. In the elementary level schools the teachers had to face serious challenges in motivating the parents to take interest in their children’s activities. The teachers adopted different methods to involve the parents in day-to-day classroom and home activities. They used to send notes, invitation of parent-teacher meetings, invitation of parental guidance sessions and training sessions, continuously directing the parent’s attention towards their children. Patricia Brown Clark suggests that it is very important to keep the line of communication between teachers and parents open, so that the parents can interact with the teachers and get up to date information of their children’s school activities. One way to involve parents is to schedule school events and arranging classroom activities such as volunteering for libraries, acting as classroom aides or efficiently organizing lunch breaks. The teachers also opt for making phone calls at the children’s houses to keep in touch with the parents and getting to know the extent to which they are contributing towards the welfare of their children. Apart from the above activities, the teachers also assign home activities for both the parents and their children so that the parents remain indulged in their children and the children get to study at home. However, it was a bad and disappointing experience for the teachers when many of the parents failed to respond as expected. Many of the parents were so overwhelmed with their official work that they could hardly take out some time for their beloved children.

Moreover, for some parents their schoolings were not positive and character-boosting experiences, therefore they preferred to keep a distance from their children’s school as well. This made it really difficult and at times impossible for teachers to bring the parental involvement to the desired level. Nevertheless, the activities of two teachers proved greatly fruitful in making parents involved in their children. They were Carlos Valdez, an art teacher and 8th grade class sponsor, and Mike Hogan, the school’s band director. They did it by involving parents in music festivals and other school ceremonies. They proved to be great examples for the future teachers to come.

If the children’s academic development programs are to prove successful they must share two characteristics:

1) Developmentally appropriate practice:

A child’s academic progress is clearly reflected by the appropriate practice he/she administers while in school life. During transitions from pre-school to kindergarten, a child if given the exact developmentally appropriate practice tends to learn a great deal of language and playing skills. He develops a keen interest in exploring his environments and interacting (without hesitation) with his adults.

2) Supportive services:

These include the assistance that the school provides to low-income family students. The services include health care, childcare and community care. This strengthens the relation between school and children and creates a sense of security and confidence among the children. They get to learn that their communities are a part of their school since the school’s supportive services strive to help community development.

It is commonly believed that children are good self-teachers. Their self-initiated strategies help improve their expression, creativity, intellectual capabilities and extra-curricular skills. This idea is proved by the documentation of young children’s work provided by Reggio Emilia :

“The Reggio Emilia educators highlight young children’s amazing capabilities and indicate that it is through the unity of thinking and feeling that young children can explore their world, represent their ideas, and communicate with others at their highest level.”(Edwards, Pope. C, Springate, Wright.K)

The climax rests in the fact that how the parents would know that their sincere involvements are really proving worthwhile for their children. The answer lies in the attitude of the children. The degree of parental involvement can be judged by a child’s attitude towards his school subjects, his academic desires and achievements. There is a direct relationship between academic achievements and the attitude towards school. Schunk in 1981 had the following idea of aspiration or academic desires:

“Level of aspiration is defined as one’s subjective probability that he or she will reach a certain level of education.”(Abu, H. & Maher, M)

As a result children who received adequate parental concern were found to be much more confident in their academic desires and achievements than those who could not get the right amount of parental concern. The individual involvement of mothers and fathers also plays a vital role in the behavioral development of a child. Students from one-parent household were observed to show less positive attitude towards schools and studies as compared to students from two-parent households. One study aimed at investigating parental concern showed that despite mothers’ sincere endeavors, the role of fathers could not be ignored and both served as an important foundation for the future progress of the child. This can be proved from the following fact:

According to a recent report from the National Center for Educational Statistics (1997), compared to their counterparts, children with involved fathers are more likely to have participated in educational activities with their parents (e.g., to have visited a museum or a historical site with their parents in the past month), and are more likely to have access to multiple types of resources at home as well (as measured by the proportion of parents who belong to community or professional organizations, or regularly volunteer in the community). (Flouri, E. And Buchanan, A, Pg.142)

Also, the parental involvement has been discussed and implemented in terms of interventions or prevention programs, which are nothing but safety measures taken to assure healthy and perfect upbringing of the child. The study uses school-based and home-only intervention programs to find out the extent of intellectual capabilities found in children from different family backgrounds. The success of one school-based interventions can be proved from the following fact, which was a part of “Education Service Improvement Plan 2001-2005” of Edinburgh:

—-The Scottish Executive Discipline Task Force, which studied the causes of poor behavior among pupils in schools produced a report of ‘Better Behavior – Better Learning’ in June 2001. The report included 36 recommendations for action, which were then turned into an Action Plan in 2002. Many of these have implications for the Education Authority. (Craig Millar Instep Project)



Juan

Nicholas Tan asked:


A fussy or crying baby can make for a fussy and often frustrated parent.  There are many reasons a baby could be fussy or unable to sleep, including illness, colic, or something as simple as either too much noise or too little noise.  Before altering your baby’s sleeping environment, take a moment to evaluate just why your baby has been fussy or upset at bedtime.    Things like changes in the weather, a neighbor’s new puppy continually barking, a loud car stereo blaring, or a bright street light can all contribute to changing a baby’s otherwise familiar and comfortable sleeping environment.  If after evaluating, you discover that there has been an environmental change that has occurred, but are out of your control, you might consider creating some ‘white noise’ in your baby’s environment to help drown out these unpleasant and loud sleep disruptors. 

Noises that are repetitive and almost monotonous sounding are known as ‘white noise’ – noise that is occurring constantly, and, as a result, we’ve ‘tuned it out.’ There are many items in our house that create white noise that we might not even realize – our air conditioners, vacuum cleaners, clothes dryers, or fans all create white noise as they operate.  Other things such as running water, an analog clock with a ticking second hand, or a fish aquarium also create white noise.  These noises might actually help ‘drown out’ the disruptive external noises that are keeping your baby, and thereby you, from a good night’s sleep.

Another option might be to run a favorite lullaby on continuous play in your baby’s room. There are many options out there for newborns and toddlers alike in the music department of your favorite store.  You could even put together a special mix just from mommy and daddy on your personal computer.  Better yet, put together a recording of mommy and daddy’s soft, soothing and gentle voices, and baby will be back in dreamland before you know it – and so will you!



Zachary

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW asked:


Separated parents may take issue with each other if there are any differences in parenting style, expectations or structure.

However, while consistency of parenting style, expectations and structure are helpful they are not rigidly required. Even among intact families there can be remarkable differences between the parents yet the children are not harmed by the experience. Other evidence that children are not necessarily harmed by differences in style, expectations or structure comes by looking at the normal course of children’s lives in areas other than home life.

When not at home, children may be subject to the care of alternate care providers, schoolteachers, baby sitters, coaches and instructors. Suffice it to say; virtually all children learn to differentiate the styles, expectations and structures imposed by all these different people and situations and thrive. Hence children learn to run during soccer, yet walk on the deck at the swimming pool. Whereas in one class they may be required to sit quietly, in another they may be allowed to ask questions directly of the teacher. Therefore different teachers will impose a variety of expectations and children learn to differentiate between them and manage accordingly. The only way a problem would develop is if one teacher demands of the children that they follow the same rules in the other teacher’s class as their own.

As parental differences become known, some parents may seek to use these differences as cause for limiting the other parent’s relationship, influence or time with the child or may seek to impose their style, expectations and structure, or way of doing things on the other parent.

Parents need to appreciate they can have different styles, expectations and structure, as does virtually every teacher have their own way of managing a classroom. Assuming a parent’s behaviour is not lawless or abusive and the child progresses developmentally appropriately, different parental styles, expectations and structure can actually benefit the child as the child learns to adapt and manage a variety of situations.

With regard to child development, it is usually not parental differences that is harmful to children, but rather conflict between parents over their differences. Children can adapt to parents’ differences but being drawn into their conflict is distressing and distracting.

Parents who are distressed over their differences are advised to determine if the differences are truly significant or just irksome to themselves before raising objections. If the child is perturbed by parental differences and brings issue from one parent to the other, it can be advisable to redirect the child back to the other parent to discuss the issue directly. In so doing, the child learns to communicate their concerns directly and parents maintain a more appropriate boundary between themselves. This is in much the same way as one teacher wouldn’t take on the issues of another teacher, but would redirect the student to deal directly with the other teacher.

Given the opportunity most parents appreciate being able to manage their own relationship with their children without intrusion. If a parent looks unreasonable, it may be that they are just annoyed for having their style, expectations and structure dictated by the other parent. Parents are advised to be certain parental differences are truly problematic before taking issue. If unsure, parents are advised to consider obtaining guidance from a parenting expert with expertise working with separated parents.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

(905) 628-4847

gary@yoursocialworker.com

http://www.yoursocialworker.com



Nicholas

Tim Bryce asked:


“Most children are raised by amateurs, not professionals.”

- Bryce’s Law

INTRODUCTION

Want to know what to expect of the work force in the years ahead? Look no farther

than our schools or homes. Let me preface my remarks by saying that in addition

to all of my other responsibilities, I was very active in my local Little League for a

number of years where I served as coach, umpire, and on the local board of

directors. Further, I have been very active locally in offering Masonic scholarships to

High School students. In addition, my wife has been active in the local school system

for the last ten years at the elementary, middle, and high school levels (this also

included PTA and SAC). Although we probably won’t win an award as the world’s

best parents, we made a point of becoming an important and influential part of our

children’s lives. We didn’t take any special courses in parenting, we just got

involved. But we are the exceptions as opposed to the rule.

Prior to World War II, the country was immersed in an economic depression which

put a strain on families and disrupted our society. Everyone in a family was expected

to pitch in and do their part in order to survive, this included going to school and their

place of worship. Some families suffered severe hardships during this period causing

children to drop out of school and go to work. They didn’t drop out as some form

of rebellion or protest, but to simply earn money to help support the family. Consequently,

many earned nothing higher than a Junior High diploma which was prized by many

families. The point is, there was a sense of family back then and the people’s hunger

built character. They understood the value of a dollar, worked hard and squandered

nothing. It was this generation that got us through the war and propelled the country

towards economic success in the latter part of the 20th century.

In the 1950’s and 1960’s, as the country was experiencing an economic boom, a parent

normally stayed at home to manage the family, usually the wife. If a child

had a problem, a parent was always home to tend to their needs. Children no longer

had to drop out of school to support the family and our High Schools and Colleges

swelled with students. The “baby boomers” were considered well adjusted

and readily adapted to the work force. This generation saw us through the space

race and the technology revolution which changed the face of corporate America.

But in the last three decades, we began to lose faith in our economy and our

standard of living. As a result, both parents began to work inordinate hours and a

generation gap began to emerge. Exhausted by their work, the parents

would return home where the last thing they wanted to hear was their child’s

problems. Consequently, children became social outcasts in their own homes and

often had to fend for themselves; they simply couldn’t relate with their parents. Sure,

the parents would sign their kids up for Summer Camp, Little League and Soccer, but

this was viewed more as baby-sitting services as opposed to taking a true interest in

the child’s development. They would also give their kids television sets and video games

to occupy their time.

Today, school teachers have become surrogate parents by default, something

they weren’t trained for, nor inclined to accept. Talk to a teacher and you will hear

stories of lack of respect for authority, poor manners, and dysfunctional social

intercourse. Children today no longer learn their values from their parents

but rather from Hollywood. As young adults entering the work force, their work

ethic, values, and behavior are noticeably different than the prior generation. There

is no longer a sense of quality, service, or craftsmanship; just put in your time and

collect a paycheck. This is all having an adverse effect on how we conduct

business and the corporate culture.

Now, let me give you a the scary figure: probably 20%, or less, of today’s

graduating High School seniors are socially well adjusted.

Knowing this, what should you do as a manager?

THE NEED FOR PARENTING

In the past, if you were a new employee, it was assumed you knew how to manage

your personal life and you were expected to adapt to the corporate culture. This

is no longer true and presents a problem for managers. Younger employees today

have problems managing money, dressing appropriately, and interpersonal relations

and communications, not to mention alcohol, drugs, and sex. They are raw and rough. But

are they salvageable? They better be, for your company’s sake, as they represent

tomorrow’s work force.

Perhaps we can take a lesson from the military services here. The military is

well aware they are not getting the “cream of the crop” when they take on new

recruits. Many are social misfits coming from broken homes. As such, the

military’s initial role is to break the individual of bad habits and impose a new

system of discipline and work ethic. Individualism is replaced by teamwork and,

in the process, a sense of belonging and family is imposed. This is either readily

accepted by the new recruit or they are drummed out of the service. Discipline,

organization, teamwork, and a strong work ethic can have a dramatic affect on a

drifting soul. By doing so, it can bring order to lives and a sense of purpose,

something that perhaps was neglected at home.

Today’s Drill Instructors and junior officers also find themselves as surrogate parents

and are now instructed in counseling young soldiers. The boot camps of today are

a lot different than what the country experienced during World War II, Korea, and

Viet Nam. Yet, we are producing a fine class of soldiers which makes our country

proud. In other words, they must be doing something right.

If we have learned anything from the military in this regard, it is that the

times have changed and our employees today have different needs requiring

a new type of manager who can adequately tend to them. And like today’s

Drill Instructors and school teachers, managers are finding themselves in the

role of surrogate parents, like it or not. Managers bristle at this notion. After all,

they want to get on with their business and do not want to be regarded as a

baby-sitter. But the fact remains, home parenting skills are at an all-time low

and to overcome this problem, someone has to assume the duty to compensate

for this inadequacy. Again, the military readily understands this and has adapted

accordingly. But can business?

Understand this, corporate America’s “recruits” come predominantly from the

colleges and universities whose purpose is not to teach social skills, but rather,

to teach people how to learn. A college diploma most definitely does not

mean the graduate is socially well-adjusted, but that he/she has learned to study

and accept new ideas. If anything, the student’s extracurricular activities tell

more about a person’s personality than the degree itself. For example, participation

in team sports, club activities, or Greek life speaks volumes about a person’s

personality and social skills.

PAST EFFORTS

In the past, new corporate recruits underwent special training programs to learn how

the company conducts business. Sales people in particular had to undergo rigorous

training to learn how to present products and care for the customers. Workmen

underwent training to learn how to build quality products. However, such programs

have been slashed in recent times as a means for cutting costs (and will be the subject

of a future paper).

There was also a period where mentors were assigned to new employees to chaperone

them on their journey through the corporate world. Mentors were basically a

“Big Brother/Sister” program where senior employees would offer sage advice

to neophytes on adapting to the corporate world. But like the training programs,

mentoring is also being phased out.

Although mentoring and training programs were intended to develop the employee’s

skills and effectiveness from a corporate perspective, neither dwelled on the personal

problems of the employee.

Now that new employees are left to fend for themselves, a generation gap is emerging

in business. Managers from just about every job segment are frustrated with new

employees, and, likewise, new employees are frustrated with management. Whereas

managers lament how little is accomplished by new employees, new employees

complain how much time they are putting in at work. This highlights a significant

difference between the generations: whereas the new employees are watching the

clock, the managers are watching what is produced. The two are not synonymous,

but nobody has taught the young employees this yet. To the “newbies,” their time is

what is important, regardless if they produce anything worthwhile or not; to the manager,

it is just the opposite. Also, young people believe calling in sick is an acceptable form of

behavior. Where did they learn all this? On their own. It is a sad state of affairs when

the media has more influence over the values of our children than parents do. But

when adults abdicate parenting to the media, it is not entirely surprising.

So, what is needed? More training? Mentoring? Nope. Just some parenting. The sooner

corporations realize this, the sooner they can begin to develop mature and responsible

employees. Again, this is why the military now teaches its Drill Instructors basic

counseling techniques, so they can help new recruits find their way through life and become

a good soldier. It is most definitely not “baby-sitting” but, rather, a recognition that parents

have dropped the ball in their child’s development and someone has to pick up the

pieces in order for the newbie to realize their potential.

I do not claim to have a Ph.D. in parenting, but as I see it there are three primary

duties a parent needs to inculcate:



Role Model – first, a parent has to be a good role model with attributes their subordinates

want to aspire to attain. Role models are respected for their authority and become

a highly credible source of information and inspiration,



Teacher – second, a parent has to be able to teach, not just academic lessons but

those of life; e.g., morality, socialization, even finances (e.g., balancing a

checkbook, life insurance, etc.). It is the teacher who establishes the rules and

regulations of the classroom and, as such, is also the disciplinarian.



Guidance Counselor – third, parenting includes guiding others on their path through

life, explaining options and making recommendations.



Very important, a parent has to recognize they won’t have all of the answers, but

should know how to point someone in the right direction to get the answers they need.

Above all else, a parent has to care about the welfare of their offspring. I am not

suggesting corporate parents love their children like biological parents, but they

need to invest time in the person, believe in the person, and motivate them

accordingly, whether through kindness or a good swift kick in the rear. The

corporate parent has to also know when their work is complete and allow the

offspring to move on to the next stage of their corporate life.

The military has the advantage of written contracts and boot camps to

indoctrinate new recruits. Perhaps a corporate boot camp could be devised

and teach the same lessons as found in the military, such as:



Cause and effect, e.g., if you make a mistake, you know you will be penalized accordingly.



The value of good workmanship and its impact on others.



How to give and take an order.



Discipline and code of conduct.



Teamwork.



CONCLUSION

Companies today are at a loss coping with the newest generation of

workers. What they don’t realize is, it will get worse before it gets better. Since

most biological parents are content with allowing others to teach their children

the necessary values in life, teachers, the military and corporations are forced to

pick up the slack, like it or not. The sooner we admit this, the sooner we can address

how to remedy the situation. Whether this involves one-on-one counseling or a

boot camp type of environment, something has to be done to teach our newest wave

of workers the proper values to succeed in business and in life.

Let me leave you with a real-life story on parenting in the workplace. Some time

ago I was visiting with a CIO in Columbus, Ohio who took me on a tour of

his facility. Along the way, we happened upon a young programmer who

was new to the company. Frankly, he looked a little wet behind the ears and

had long hair over his collar. After the CIO introduced me to the young man, he

instructed him to go get a haircut. The young programmer, shot back

indignantly, “You can’t say that to me!”

The CIO turned calmly but deliberately to the programmer, and said,

“Yes I can. Watch,” then pointing to his mouth, “Get a haircut. Now!”

The programmer backed down and, to his credit, dutifully got a haircut.

I had just witnessed a little “Parenting Management” in action. The CIO

exercised his authority and had quickly instructed the newbie on one

of the rules to be observed in the workplace. The programmer’s biological

parents hadn’t instructed him properly, now it defaulted to his corporate

parent.

“Parenting Management” – Just remember, you heard it here first.



Aiden

Dwayne ONeil asked:


Young and old children alike will do just about anything to stall bedtime. I really think that children are born as pros at that. I recently heard an interview with a Christian singer and writer Steven Curtis Chapman. He wrote a song called ‘Cinderella’.  The song brings me to tears almost every time, because it focuses on his little girls.

 

Just like my little girls, they love to play and dress up as princesses. They love to dance. The day Steven wrote that song, he was in a hurry to put his girls to bed, because he had work to do. His girls were in no hurry. They did what little girls do. They were playing make believe as they were supposed to get ready for bed. Steven, like my self when I have ‘things to do’ got frustrated and finely did get them to bed…much later then he had planned.

 

He got down in his office and realized that someday those little girls were going to leave. They will grow up and marry and he won’t have these precious moments he has no to enjoy and edify them. That night he wrote the song ‘Cinderella’.

 

The song is about the stages in a girl’s life. She desperately wants dad to be there every step of the way. The song revolves around the little girl learning how to dance. Asking dad to dance…as a little girl, a teenager going to her first prom and a young lady just about to be married.

 

About a year ago I remember one Sunday. We were at church. Services were about to start. I don’t know why but I happened to look at my older daughter, at the time she was likely 10 years old but she is SO DARN pretty. Anyway a thought came to mind, some day, some guy will love that little as much as me…I started to cry, because it is hard for me to imagine that.



Jack

Laura Doerflinger, MS, LMHC asked:


Co-parenting isn’t easy. It’s actually quite a chore. When neither parent is willing to negotiate or communicate, the child has the job of transitioning from one parenting style to the other. As a parent educator and family therapist, I have seen many anxious and confused children affected by their parents’ inconsistent rules and styles. Sometimes children do this under the same roof and sometimes under two, but the bottom line is that it is the parents’ responsibility to create a balance.

Parenting skills vary much like personalities. The differences can be as subtle as the setting of bedtimes to as serious as choosing consequences for bad behavior. The bottom line is adults have a number of motivations for parenting. For instance, they might try to do better than their parents. Thus, we attempt to find new and effective strategies to raise good kids. These ambitions can be difficult enough. Now add the challenge of joining forces with another adult who was raised by different parents and who may be select different strategies.

So how do parents, married or divorced, stay clear and consistent, raise confident children, and feel influential as parents? They learn how to work together and become better co-parents! Here are several successful co-parenting steps:

Identify your personal style and motivations. Your first job in becoming a successful co-parent is to figure out your general style and motivations. If it were all up to you, how would you parent? How would you motivate your children? How would you use punishment and encouragement? What are the top 10 values you would like to teach your kids? Now ask yourself WHY? Why would your style be that way? What is your motivation? How did your parents parent you? Are you attempting to repeat their upbringing or compensate for it? Share your parenting style and motivation with your co-parent. I understand that you might feel vulnerable sharing your style and motivation. Your style may be different than your spouse’s style. In order for you and your partner to co-parent successfully, you both need to appreciate and support the ideas you bring to the table. When you listen to where the other parent is coming from, it will allow you to join forces. Before deciding on a parenting style and direction, consult parenting books and classes. Now that you have looked at each other’s parenting style, take a look together at good parenting books and the current research. Report back to each other and consider how your styles measure up. Decide on a parenting style. You now have several examples of parenting strategies and philosophies. Its time to blend what you believe with what your co-parent believes and what the experts say. This is the ultimate in negotiation but remember that if you do not negotiate at the adult level, it leaves your child to figure it out. Once you’ve decided, then write down the basics and embrace your new co-parenting style. Implement your new co-parenting style. Now you parent! Both parents are on the same page. Children are clear on what is expected of them and what the consequences are if they do not follow the family expectations. Thus, it lessens the occasions of arguing between the parents and the opportunities for manipulation by the children. Hold weekly co-parenting meetings with your spouse. Since you are the CEOs of your family and are business partners in a very real way, you must stay in constant communication. The success or failure of your family rests in your capable hands. Thus, co-parenting meetings are a must! These meetings should include finances, home maintenance, parenting, and relationship issues. Meetings should be held weekly with schedule book, meeting journal and budget book in hand. Continue to review your parenting style. You may find that one child thrives under your new system while another loses balance. Good co-parents always re-evaluate and restructure when necessary.

We are busy parents today. It is difficult to take the time to evaluate our parenting styles but the payoff is big for you as a parenting unit as well as for your child. Co-parenting takes the pressure off our children and the conflict out of our lives.

Copyright 2008 Parent Education Group – Reprints Accepted – Two links must be active in the bio. The article homepage: http://www.familyauthority.com/articles/family-day.html



Isabelle

Marcia Chumbley asked:


There are many fun activities to do with your grandkids. Grandparents often have an opportunity to spend special time with their grandchildren that parents may not get in the hustle and bustle of their work week. When your grandchildren come to visit you, it can help to have some fun activities pre-planned to keep them entertained.

Try a few of these fun activities the next time you have little visitors:

Show Home Movies and Photos: Show your grandchildren home movies or pictures from when their parents were small. They’ll enjoy hearing funny stories about what your children were like when they were small. It’s fun to imagine what their parents were like as children. Take time to share these stories with your grandchildren.

Record Bedtime Stories: If your grandchildren are staying overnight, have them bring their favorite bedtime stories along with them. Read them to the children out loud, and set up a tape recorder in the room. You’ll be able to send them home with a memory – their own personalized book on tape! Years from now they’ll be able to treasure their own tape of grandma or grandpa reading their favorite story to them

Teach Them a Skill: Do you know how to cook, sew, or work with wood? Take the time to teach your grandchildren how to make a simple recipe or project. Parents are often busy and may not have the time to teach their children simple life skills. These skills, if not taught by the schools, may end up neglected. Take time to teach your grandchildren these money-saving hobbies – when they’re adults, they’ll be very glad you did!

Play Games: Spend time playing card games, board games, or string games with your grandchildren. In this modern age of video and computer games, simple games are often neglected and forgotten. These games are enjoyable and fun – be sure to teach your grandchildren how to have fun simply.

When your grandchildren come to visit, be sure to have a few activities planned to entertain them. Show them pictures or home movies, enjoy a bedtime story, or cook a favorite recipe. You could even take time to teach them a game that you enjoyed when you were a child. Children need attention and affection to thrive, and as a grandparent, you’ve got time to provide plenty of both. Take time to enjoy your grandchildren – that’s what they’re for!



Madison

Michel Jayne asked:


By the age of three a toddler requires eleven hours of consistent, quality sleep.   Toddler sleep problems stand in the way of this and can  lead tohealth issues such as a lower immunity, temper tantrums, a slower brainfunction, and a poor diet, to name a few.

For many toddlers just the mention that “It is bedtime” sends them into sheer disarray. (1) Crying and a defiant attitude usually accompany this disarray.This is the start of the bedtime nightmare for parents.  (2)The continuance of their crying or temper tantrum once they are in bed.  (3) Getting them to stay in bed without screaming after the parent leaves the room.  (4) Not getting out of bed in the middle of the night, when they wake up. 

With these 4 areas under control toddler sleep problems will be solved and parents will have a pleasant, warm and cuddly bedtime, free from screaming, night waking, and health issues.

1.  Shshsh…. Dont say the words “Its bedtime.” or anything even close to.Instead use atmosphere and quality time with your toddler to let him know it’s time to wind down.  This manipulation should begin 20 minutes BEFORE the time you put in place for your toddler to be in bed.

Create a cozy, calm and quiet atmosphere. Dim the lights, watch a little Animal Planet and cuddle with your toddler. A baby massage is a wonderful  relaxation technique for both parent and toddler and can be done as part of the winding down process.

2. Find and Remind.  On the way to his room, think of something fun and exciting for your toddler to do the next day.   It could be an afternoon of play dough fun, or perhaps he has a party to go to, or finger painting, or a play in the park.  Remind him of it. A little secret: tell him you are looking forward to doing it with him (ensure that you are able to do this. Otherwise do not offer this statement.

3. The Bedroom: short and sweet.  This is an area many parents get wrong. At bedtime your toddler’s bedroom should be within the same atmosphere as when you were winding him down. Prepare his bedroom before you start the winding down process.  Bedroom atmosphere encompasses a night light and soft music.

The time you spend in your toddler’s room after he is in bed needs to be short and sweet. Sit on edge of the bed next to your toddler and read a story, softly. Stroke his hair or use his favorite toy. Quietly remind him of the fun that awaits him the next day if he gets a good night rest. Mention that you are also very tired and heading off to bed. Kiss him goodnight and off you go.

4. When he starts to cry, tell him you love him and you will check on him in a bit before you go to bed. Ignore his crying. While in his room do not appear stressed.  Know in your mind that all will be well.  Your toddler will feel this and it will help him adjust to his new bedtime routine.

In 9 out of 10 cases your toddler will fall asleep very shortly.  However, if you prolong your time in his room and show your fear of his crying he will recognize this and use it as a tool to get you to stay until he falls asleep, which causes him to stay awake longer, lessoning his sleep time and lessoning your free time.

Toddler sleep problems can yield an unhealthy toddler, and although a bedtime routine can take some time to firmly take effect, fixing toddler sleep problems has many rewards for parent and toddler.  All good things come in time, so be consistent and adhere to the bedtime routine on a nightly basis.



Mackenzie