Capricornius asked:
The child is 11 years old and stays with us for the summer, sometimes disrespect is witnessed by my biological children and spouse. Mostly just talking back, item destruction ( like kicking or hitting a wall repeatedly or tapping the car window). For five years he has tantrumed this way, at times he is disrespectful to his own father, and to me it seems that he gets away with it, because I grew up getting popped in the mouth if I were to roll my eyes, suck my teeth or say so!. Are there other ways to discipline an unruly child that are actually effective?
Faith
The child is 11 years old and stays with us for the summer, sometimes disrespect is witnessed by my biological children and spouse. Mostly just talking back, item destruction ( like kicking or hitting a wall repeatedly or tapping the car window). For five years he has tantrumed this way, at times he is disrespectful to his own father, and to me it seems that he gets away with it, because I grew up getting popped in the mouth if I were to roll my eyes, suck my teeth or say so!. Are there other ways to discipline an unruly child that are actually effective?
Faith
October 29th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Caden
Someone should have told you this is the order:
1) His kids from the first marriage.
2) His ex
3) Any kids from your marriage with him
4) You
You will never be higher than #4. That is why second and consecutive marriages fail when there are kids involved. Sorry. Somebody should have told you.
October 30th, 2009 at 1:21 am
Hailey
You don’t have to physically discipline the child. Talk to the child and let him know that this sort of behavior isn’t appropriate. And it’s not respectful when he talks back. He could be acting out because of the family situation or there could be something else going on. It’s important to deal with it now before it turns into juvenile delinquency. Hopefully this is just a phase he’s going through.
Good luck.
November 1st, 2009 at 6:19 pm
Michelle
When my 8 year old gets out of hand I have to scream directly into her face to stop what she is doing and that works for her. She is also in counceling for anger/emotional behaviors. So maybe you and your family could get counceling.
November 3rd, 2009 at 12:02 am
Sophie
Just because you may not be the top on his list, doesn’t mean you don’t diserve his respect and the respect of his child.
Maybe you could try discussing appropriate punishments with your husband? If he is reluctant to offer any, maybe you can suggest some (ie. taking away videogames, not going places, etc.). Or, maybe you could try sitting one-on-one with him and see why he is acting up.
Hope this helps.
November 4th, 2009 at 2:58 am
Brian
His dad should put him on punishment, no games, no computer, no TV or something. It is not up to the step-parent.
That is such a bad example to the other kids.
November 4th, 2009 at 3:59 am
Ryan
According to God, in the Holy Bible, after God; the wife comes first in a marriage, not children.
When the kids see you 2 are truely united; they will feel more secure and back down into their place.
This is the fault of your man.
I would tell my husband directly to his face that his son is not coming unless he gest spanked when needed by his father.
Get in that boy’s face, and cut off ALL fun activities until he shows true respect.
November 6th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Katelyn
There are other discipline methods that you can definitely use. Eleven years old is still young and you still have a chance to discipline him. First, though, I would talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. Let him know that you uncomfortable and upset when he disrespects you and that you wish you and your husband were both able to discipline him. Tell him that you think it’s also unfair to your biological children that his child goes unpunished while they are able to look on.
You just need to let him know how you feel and take it from there. The first step is always communication, right?
Good luck and take care. =)
November 9th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Christopher
does not want you to physically discipline?
What do you mean by physically discipline, if you mean smacking. spanking, etfc? wft, it’s deffinately Not your place to do that, fgs you did that to my child , I’d get your sorry a*se thrown in jail for asault take you all the way, you’d deffinately know what assault was by the full sense of the law ( Uk style ).
You’re an adult for god’s sake ( fgs ), the perp is a kid, you are the kid’s enemy for god’s sake, you want to become the devil too?
Ignore the kid’s destructive behaviour, if you don’t you’ll just fuel it, Chill out, don’t be so up tight, kid’s seek out weaknesses, they seek destroy.
Your choice, lighten up or loose the battle, hit out physically then you’re classed as a Nonse, some one who hits chil;dren, aka, child abuser, a fraggle then YOU DESERVE EVERYHTING YOU GET !
Good Luck
( So glad I’m an adult not a child in your care !)
November 11th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
Logan
you talk to your spouse..because it is a sure fire way to breakup a marriage and that may be the kids intent…been there
November 13th, 2009 at 3:06 am
Taylor
yes there is but like any child this one is unique i feel needs professional help please don’t be affended, but what you are telling me is the child acts out when it’s not necessary. from my xperience that only happens when they want attention or can’t help it best find out which maybe psychologist have you seen montel williams on t.v he’s helpful or try watching nanny 911 see if you can learn something from any of this
November 15th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Jessica
the child
my biological children
tapping the car window
I see a little problem here with your choice of words. I don’t think you respect your step-son and he knows it. He is uprooted every summer and sent to where he is not welcome. I would expect him to act out! He is a little boy and little boys act out when they are upset.
Does he have friends when he is with you? Does he have his own space? Do you celebrate being a blended family when he’s there? Or is he a disruption or intrusion?
If you really want to work this out and have a happy, peaceful family, I recommend family counseling. It is too hard to change the dynamics that have been going on for 5 years.
In the meantime, you have the right to expect certain behaviors and there can be consequences for not respecting your rules. Like someone else mentioned, take away privileges. But on the flip side, give praise, encouragement and rewards like extra privileges when he does things well.
You have an amazing opportunity here to be the fairy godmother instead of the wicked stepmother.