Traveler asked:
Should spanking be used to discipline your child at any circumctanses? Is the saying Spare the stick, spoil the kid. outdated as woman in the kitchen? Are methods like Quiet Time or denying previleges from a child much more effective means to discipline a child? Should modern parents even bother to discipline their children?
not talking about beating. Spanking. Palm to the behind just enough to let the child know he or she has done something wrong.
Xavier
Should spanking be used to discipline your child at any circumctanses? Is the saying Spare the stick, spoil the kid. outdated as woman in the kitchen? Are methods like Quiet Time or denying previleges from a child much more effective means to discipline a child? Should modern parents even bother to discipline their children?
not talking about beating. Spanking. Palm to the behind just enough to let the child know he or she has done something wrong.
Xavier
October 22nd, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Christopher
NOT REALLY BUT IT NEVER DID ME ANY HARM WHEN I WAS YOUNGER
October 23rd, 2009 at 2:21 pm
Ian
No!
Spanking should be reserved for activity between two consenting adults!
October 23rd, 2009 at 11:38 pm
Bryan
yes i think that u shud spank or ground the child in order to get the kid aware of wat is right from wrong!!!not only shud u discipline but also reason and tell ur kid wat he did wrong
October 27th, 2009 at 8:13 am
Savannah
If more kids got the daylights whipped out of them we wouldn’t have 13 yr. olds with babies of their own and kids on drugs who aren’t old enough to drive.
I never did drugs, never had sex, never smoked, never drank, never stole, never did anything like that. Why? Because if I would have I would’ve gotten my butt beat so hard I wouldn’t have been able to sit for a week.
I see parents all the time threaten their kids with a time out and their kids just laugh in their face. Or kids who get put in time out and are back in time out 5 minutes later.
Spanking works–and I’m a living example. I can only remember being spanked 4 or 5 times in my whole life.
Now, that being said I don’t think spankings are the appropriate punishment for everything. Groundings or taking things away works too. But if a spanking is needed it should definitely be distributed.
Kids have no respect for their parents these days because parents have too much respect for their kids.
October 30th, 2009 at 2:53 am
Joshua
In my opinion, spanking your child is horrible, and it really makes them turn on you. If you want to hear your kids tell you that they hate you then go ahead.
In my opinion, denying privileges is the absolute best way to get your kid to behave.
It works on my six year old niece, my sixteen year old sister, AND my twenty-two year old fiance =)
October 31st, 2009 at 11:17 am
Alexis
It depends on the child. Every child is different. Mine laughs at me when i spank her….but time out really works.
October 31st, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Caroline
Children do need disciplined. The day mine asked to be put into time out I knew it was time to spank his bottom. There is a big difference between spanking a child and beating a child. If God hadn’t intended for a child’s butt to be spanked he wouldn’t have put a stress fracture in it. Have a good day! Good luck!!!!
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:18 am
Maria
Spanking should only be used as a last resort.
November 5th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Brooke
There are some children for whom nothing else will work. This doesn’t mean spanking as in beating but spanking as a paddle on the butt can be very effective. I think largely, though, people just need to tighten up their discipline. My child, for instance, knows that I WILL spank her from the experience she’s had (and it’s not a pain thing as much as embarrassment) so I don’t have to spank her.
PhotoMe has a good point….spanking is good for a deterrant. I didn’t do the same things for the same reason. First time I told my mom that I would call the police if she touched me she said, Great, I should be able to make it worth an arrest in the time it takes them to get here. Never made that mistake again.
I’d never spank like my mom did either but then I didn’t turn out too bad.
November 5th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
Ava
Well I am against spanking and my partner is all for it.
It depends on the parents really, I was brought up without being hit once by my parents and yet was still terrified of doing something wrong. So I fully believe that as long as you are a good parent and able to discipline your child successfully without spanking then there really is no need.
However, my partner always got a flogging when he did something wrong when he was younger and he believes that it is necisary for bringing up a child.
It’s merely a matter of opinion. I managed to make a comprimise with my fiance and we decided to try my technique first and if that fails we will use his. I can assure you till this date my son has never had a flogging and I doubt very much he ever will.
Best of luck
Maria
November 8th, 2009 at 6:36 am
Hailey
I am a nursing student and we just learned that spanking the child should not be done. Instead you must give the child time-out in minutes per age, example: a 5yr old shoud get 5 minutes time-out. Secondly you must punish the child like taking away their toy or video game until progress is shown really helps. In some circumstances spanking the child may help, but hit the child in the palm, not all over their body and do not hurt them.
November 9th, 2009 at 6:51 am
Addison
there is a HUGE difference between spanking and abuse…a child that is doing something dangerous or damaging should be spanked not beatin’…
i was spanked as a child, had no ill cause on me..i’m a completely functioning adult that can carry a job, maintain my home and my family…i’ve raised my children and they have been spanked when needed it and they’re good kids…
November 12th, 2009 at 1:36 am
Jocelyn
I don’t think there is a definitive answer.
In some cases it is a useful (and not harmful) tool. In other cases, it is excessive and extremely harmful for the mental well being of the child.
In my experience, kids that were raised with time outs and a lot of positive reinforcement (to the total exclusion of corporal punishment) have some serious social problems. However, those problems are nothing compared to the mental torments that a physically abused child has.
Tough call… My answer is this: Consider each situation carefully, and do nothing based on your own emotional anger. Remember that you are raising a child, not seizing the opportunity to vent your frustrations with these acts of punishment….
November 12th, 2009 at 7:43 am
Leah
Yes…modern parents NEED to disipline their kids. Hello!
Part of the problem w/ todays youth is that they lack disipline/guidence. Parents are too busy either trying to be their childs ‘best friend’ or too busy working to provide cell phones, X boxes and such items.
Spanking is not evil when done modestly. I have 11 9 year old boys that lecturing them is enough. I have a 3 year old she doesn’t do things that require a spanking (yet) lucky her…lucky me.
I think when physical punishment is the first or only answer it becomes ineffective. I also think a mutual understanding of respect is in order children need to know that they are on the bottom of the totem pole!
I have seen some kids in public that would benefit greatly from a quick swat on the butt.
November 13th, 2009 at 5:41 am
Faith
Some light spanking(not beating) I believe could be okay. I don’t think I would ever spank my son(he’s 4 months now)
But I believe more in rewards for things done right, rather than punishment for things done wrong.
November 16th, 2009 at 3:45 am
Nicholas
I believe in only the worse possible situation should spanking be used. If its trying to deter the child from doing something that is dangerous to themself or others. The spanking will be an unpleasant association with the event. Children NEED to be disciplined or they don’t learn to respect authority or boundaries. My husband’s most ironic one he likes is when some parent spanks the kid and is yelling, don’t hit.
November 16th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Andrew
advise from a woman in the kitchen: I do spank and I have never dones so and found my children resentful or mad at me. I have not seen them either become violent because I spank…quite the contrary they are happier more polite and loving. I do not believe in spanking when I am angry. I very calmly explain what the little one has done to deserve the spat and without delay apply it. When all is said and done we hug and go on about singing or washing dishes or watch a cartoon. It is the best way I have found
November 17th, 2009 at 12:12 am
Claire
My husband and I are the parents of three boys. We used to be firm belivers in spanking, until we realized that it did no good. My youngest is four and he absolutley hates to sit in time out, my older two boys love their nintendo so when they act up they lose that privilege. We have learned that this works way better than spanking EVER did. We still do occasionally swat some butts, but we know what really works now. Good Luck!!
November 18th, 2009 at 6:32 am
Lily
Yes, within reason. Each child is different with a different personality, but often a sharp crack on the rear end will let him know that you are serious. What you don’t want is a child in control of your household. A child needs to know he has limits and he or she will test those limits time and again. It gives them security when you do what you say and even enforce it now and then with a spank.
Spanking is not outdated but you have to choose your opportunities carefully or someone will report you to the social police.
November 19th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
Vanessa
I beleive that the new ways of disipline take a bit longer but the end results are much more rewarding. Children that are disiplined by this method will have more self confidence therfore becomming much more successfull adults, without as many anger issues. sure you cant swat your kid and get them to listen now, but, when raising children its the long term effects that really matter.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:55 am
Gracie
To each his own….I personally believe in spanking….spanking is not beating as the anti-spanking crowd usually plays it up….and I don’t think it warps your mind….I actually don’t know a single adult friend at this time who wasn’t spanked as a child…My husband, siblings, friends, and myself are all pretty decent people…all professionals who get along well with our parents and contribute to society, and all are parents with great kids….I don’t think spanking should be the only form of punishment in your discipline repertoire, but it is needed at times..
November 23rd, 2009 at 1:22 am
Rachel
For my children, no. We do not spank. We find physical discipline counterproductive and more harmful than helpful. If other parents wish to spank their own children, then that is their decision. But under no circumstances will I allow my children ever be hit by anyone as a form of discipline.
November 23rd, 2009 at 6:33 am
Alexandra
you know, I used to be against spanking. I used to think that there were other, just as effective methods of disciplining a child, but that was because I have a very easy child. She is generally pretty good, but she has her moments. And then I started babysitting this little boy who is totally out of control. And I mean, TOTALLY out of control, he has no respect for authority or anyone else for that matter. Honestly, if I were his mom, he would be getting a swat on the butt. I do believe that only serious offenses should be punished with a spank, but when a kid is out of control and time outs dont work, sometimes a spank is needed.
November 26th, 2009 at 2:35 am
Leah
I used to, but now I found some alternatives that work well. I felt really angry with myself many times after. I also became aware of the propensity to go over board and found myself on the border of discipline and abuse. I can also remember how I felt about being spanked as a child. I carried a lot of resentment around for a long time. I believe spanking demeans a child’s self esteem. Just my perspective.
November 29th, 2009 at 3:30 am
Ella
I firmly believe in spanking. In most cases you only have to spank a child a few times. People act like it’s a daily activity. My son bit me once as most toddler and I bit him back. He never did it again. He talked back when he was young and I flicked him in the mouth. He doesn’t talk back to this day. He tried to kick me and I knocked him on his behind. He never did it again. I was lucky it only took one time for him to understand I meant business. He’s not perfect but he’s darn close. Making idle threats doesn’t teach your child anything. Actions speak louder than words. Now when we go out and children are misbehaving he looks at me and says A time out child we both just laugh. I hear parents apologizing to their kids all the time. I will never apologize to him for making him a better person and have told him so. More parents should discipline their children and make them better people.
November 29th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Caroline
No. Spanking should not be used to discipline your child.
A child learns what she/he lives, as the saying goes.
You spank your child, and your child learns that hitting someone is a means of correcting someone. Especially if you are bigger than the person you are correcting. Which is, of course, wrong.
You have to be consistent and not back down from taking privileges away from a child when you decide you are going to truly discipline and not spank.
I believe that most spanking is done because the parent has not learned what to do instead or thought through what to do, and spanking is used as a last resort or ‘quick fix’, and is difficult to do without bringing anger into the situation.
Discipline is a must, but hitting/spanking/threatening a child is the wrong course of action.
Take a look at what Supernanny does. It is very VERY effective. The child will sit in the ‘naughty spot,’ for a limited time, and have to apologize, etc. It is time consuming, and tries your patience, but it works.
Hitting begets hitting.
November 29th, 2009 at 7:15 pm
Nathaniel
No. DISCIPLINE is to teach by word and deed … as in Deuteronomy 5 6. Bring them up in the nurture and teachings of the Lord.
It does seem that most people, even children and teens, sometimes need PUNISHMENT. Uncomfortably, sometimes the punishment might be in the form of a spanking.
Spanking might be used as PUNISHMENT, but not to DISCIPLINE!! Punishment frequently is a consequence of not being well disciplined or self-disciplined.