skipabeat asked:
I just want to hear what discipline techniques that people use that work.I was told I’m a good mother but you don’t discipline right. I’m tired of repeating myself over and over (when they are doing something they are not suppose to) and they just act like I haven’t said a word. Anyhow as a parent what do you do to get your to listen to the word no?
Taylor
I just want to hear what discipline techniques that people use that work.I was told I’m a good mother but you don’t discipline right. I’m tired of repeating myself over and over (when they are doing something they are not suppose to) and they just act like I haven’t said a word. Anyhow as a parent what do you do to get your to listen to the word no?
Taylor
October 30th, 2009 at 12:53 am
Aaron
i don’t just yell no all day.you have to let a child actually know that what they are doing is wrong. if my daughter is not listen she gets told stop or don’t do that twice then time out. time out separates her from what she is doing and let’s her see that it is wrong
October 31st, 2009 at 1:06 am
Evelyn
this is the same question i have had since my son turn 2. he does not listen to me at all.
so now i have started taking him to his bed and making him sit there for 5 minutes or so depending on the seriousness of the thing he was doing.
but this isn’t really working for me.
so if you find a way that actually works let me know and i can try it.
good luck
November 1st, 2009 at 7:47 am
Vanessa
Well, what may work for me doesn’t mean will work for you. It is whatever works for you and your child. You have to try different methods to see what works. And telling a child over and over they need to do something or can’t do something doesn’t usually work. You have to get their attention towards you. If it’s bad, time outs, swats on the butt. If it’s something small, then just redirection is fine.
But, don’t worry about what others say. Again, what worked for them doesn’t mean it will work for you.
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Jeremiah
you have to get down to their level, look in their eyes and say no and why your saying no, then ask them if they understand what you said and have them repeat it.
Ex:
Lisa, no running around the ironing board because you might knock the board over , the iron is hot and it might burn u, do u understand?
November 5th, 2009 at 9:49 pm
Carter
I spanked my kids. They only got spanked for disobedience and disrespect. You should not have to repeat yourself over and over, they don’t listen because they know you aren’t going to do anything about it. My kids have learned that they better listen to what I say and do it, if they have a problem with what I say they know they can talk to me about it in a respectful, mature way – but the final decision will be mine. If you feel you grew up well why don’t you look at how your parents disciplined you? Or better yet, if your Grandmother is still around ask her what she would have done if her kids didn’t listen to her.
November 8th, 2009 at 12:55 am
Arianna
Time outs. They get a time out, the duration of the time out is dependant on the child’s age. If they are three they get three minutes, if they are two they get two minutes. When time out is over it’s important to tell them what they did wrong and for them to understand that if they do it again they get another time out. If they leave the time out chair in the middle of time out, they get more time.
You have to do this everytime they do something wrong, they don’t get warnings or threats. This teaches them that if they do something wrong they have consequences to their actions.
I run a home based daycare. When I first started doing it my oldest had a hard time sharing her toys and stuff. While I understood where she was coming from I needed her to stop misbehaving. She was in time out a lot for the first week, almost every hour … after that she found a way to share.
My youngest is almost two years old, she’s had episodes of biting and hitting. I’m tired of it, the other kids don’t want to go around her and it can’t continue. She’s still a baby, but she knows better and needs to stop. I’ve started to give her one minute time outs and she her behaviour is improving as well.
It’s important to remain consistant and stern in what’s acceptable and what’s not. You can’t let it go one day and then give a time out the next, it’s just confusing for them.
When we are out in public and they misbehave I do give them one warning, mostly because I just want to get whatever it is we’re out for over with. But if they continue, we leave and have time outs in the car or when we get home if home is close.
Good luck!
November 10th, 2009 at 3:23 am
Alexandra
When my son is old enough we are going to lay down the rules, be consistent and use time-outs for misbehavior. Once he’s too old for time outs then he’ll loose privileges.
If your kids are not listening to you when you ask them not to do something then put your foot down and give them a warning. If they still don’t stop send them right to a time out. Usually a minute for each year of their age works well. At 6 I’d stop the time outs and move on to loss of privileges. Just be consistent all the way and don’t waiver. Once they realize you mean business they’ll fall in line. When doing time outs make sure after it is done you explain why they had it and ask them to apoligise. They do not get to leave until they apologise. Then give them a hug and a kiss and be sure to say thank you to them for apologising.
Oh- another thing have a set time out spot that they have to go to. Time outs are not supposed to be enjoyable and they do not get to choose where to take it. They must stay there the entire time, even if it takes them 30 min to take a 2 minute time out and no talking, whining, or crying. The clock starts when they sit still and are quiet.
Also- for the young ones a good way to correct behavior over time is a Behavior Chart. Pick a few habits or behaviors that need to be broken but that you know will take awhile and put them on a chart. They get stickers at the end of the day for not doing one of the behaviors and then at the end of the week or month (however you want to do it) you total the stickers and keep track. You can have small rewards for reaching a goal of X many stickers and they can save those for a bigger reward or cash them in for the smaller reward such as extra TV time, or an ice cream. Once they have mastered one behavior take it off the chart.
This worked well with the kids I nannied for last year. The 5 year old had a horrible habit of crying/screaming every morning her mom left for work..and I mean all out leg hugging, tears, and screaming. (her mom was a teacher at the school she went to too…so it’s not like she wouldn’t see her soon anyway). We nipped that bevahior in the bud and after a few months she no longer had melt downs. SUCCESS! Once she mastered that it came off her chart and got replaced with something else.
November 10th, 2009 at 7:17 pm
Audrey
I find a cattle prod and/or a sharp stick very effective in getting my messages across
November 11th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Chloe
the minute you get into an argument with them you have already lost. don’t raise your voice. AND UNDER NO circumstance do you ever hit a child any where on their body. that just sends the message that since i am bigger than you i can hit you and it solves nothing. walk over to them (even if they are already close to you ) and put each hand on each side of their face look them in the eyes and say to them what ever it is that you want them to do or stop doing. never threaten anything that you are not willing to do. they are smart and catch on fast. tell them simply that if they do not listen to you that you will …take away t.v. time, computer time, play time, no dessert after dinner while the rest of you will have dessert, whatever you decide is appropriate for whatever you want them to do or stop doing and then follow through with it. make sure that the discipline matches the crime.when they are away from you and you try to tell them something they are not really listening to you even if you are shouting at them .they just tune you out. when you are hold their face in your hands they have no choice but to listen. every time they turn their eyes away from you tell
November 14th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
Savannah
my kids know that I mean what I say. I am always constant. So if I say I will take away something I will do it…not just threaten. The older kids get more chores.
when I talk to them I make them look me in the eyes so I know they hear me and I make sure they understand why they are in trouble and why their behavior is wrong.
some days it feels like they are always in time outs…or that everything they own has been taken away. there are just going to be times when they won’t listen as well!!
November 15th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Aaron
While I don’t raise my voice, I do use a stern voice. We know that our six-year-old son usually only acts out when he’s very tired and refuses to rest.
If he does something inappropriate, I get down on his level and talk to him. I explain why his actions were not good choices (it’s dangerous…disrespectful…etc.). The entire time, I’m looking into his eyes. If he’s already extremely upset and starting to whine, he tries to avoid eye-contact. I tell him to look at me and I hold his hands gently. I do not engage in conversation until I have his full attention. He knows that by looking into his eyes, explaining why his behavior was undesirable, and by holding his hands that I love him and I care for him. This usually calms him down.
Should the behavior need a time-out, he does get sent to his room. When he’s ready, he comes out calmly and apologizes to us. We then follow-up with him. I always ask the question, Do you understand? When we follow-up, instead of restating what we’ve already told him, we ASK him why he behaviors were not okay. This tells us that he does understand, and we usually don’t have that behavior anymore.
Sometimes he’s so tired he falls asleep during his time-out, but we still follow-up with him.
Should he begin to exhibit that behavior again, we remind him of what happened before. Do you remember when you…? Do you remember what happened? Why is it not okay to do this?
Bottom-line: I don’t spank. I talk (ask questions and explain). I’m a first grade teacher (the same grade my son is in) and I have these discussions with my students also. Children need to not only understand that things are wrong; they need to understand WHY.
November 18th, 2009 at 9:40 am
Kaitlyn
The best discipline for children is found in consistency. Parents who are consistent in their expectations and reaction to their children’s behavior, have children who behave consistently. In other words, you can’t tell little three year old Sammy not to jump on the couch one day, and then think it’s cute when does a flip on the couch the next day. You can’t say No, running in the house and then allow him to run to his room to get his shoes. You can’t tell him he’ll get nothing else to eat if he doesn’t eat is dinner and then give him a snack four hours after dinner when he’s hungry because he didn’t eat his dinner. Parents have to be consistent.
I have seen other children beg and cry and whine to get what they want…………… and get it! THAT is the biggest mistake to make. If you want your children to accept the answer No, mean it. I can honestly tell you that my children do not ask for something over and over. The reason (according to their own words) is because they know I have already said no and I am not going to change my mind. I don’t say no unless I have a good reason If I have a good reason to say no, I am not going to all of a sudden lose that reason! Why keep asking? And they also know that if they do that, they will be punished. I said no, so don’t ask. That goes for tantrums, too. If we allow our children to throw a fit just because they don’t get their way, we aren’t teaching them to graciously accept the fact the sometimes you don’t get what you want. A temper tantrum is totally unacceptable. There are more effective ways to express ones feelings, and even a one year old can be taught those ways.
All in all, I would say that the single most important element to effective discipline is consistency……..try it!
November 20th, 2009 at 6:07 am
Kayla
well my daughters are fifteen and six. for my oldest i usually take her cellphone away (she usually is good though) or tell her she cant hang out with friends. my younger daughter is sneaky, but she usually is good too. i put her in time out or there is no snack or something simple. you have to give them the eye and say no and tell them why its wrong too.
November 21st, 2009 at 5:11 pm
Melanie
Just trying to discipline vocally doesn’t work with children that young. You have to get down to their level (on your knees or bending down). You have to physically stop them if they are doing something dangerous or bad (take the toy out of their hand that they are smashing against the TV screen and tell them no). You have to use consequences that make sense for whatever the offense was. For example, my kids drew with crayon all over the walls in a bedroom at their grandparents’ house. I was very upset, of course, but I had them clean it up. Grandma and I filled a bucket with soapy water and let them scrub the walls. When that didn’t work, I got some Mr. Clean Magic Eraser, but I still made them do it. How old, you ask? My children were 4, 3, and 1 at the time. Even the 1-year-old had to help with the scrubbing. I didn’t make them do it all at once because there was way too much and that’s too hard for kids that young to handle. So they had to scrub off a portion of each wall each day of the week they were there. And they couldn’t use crayons for the whole time that there was still any crayon on the walls. They’ve never drawn on the walls again, either at our house or the grandparents’ house, and it’s been almost a year since the offense. Of course, I’ve also confined the use of crayons and markers to the table in the kitchen–they aren’t allowed to leave the kitchen with those items anymore.
So that’s what you do. To discipline effectively, you have to have a strategy more than telling the child no. Get up and get in there to discipline, don’t just sit there and tell them something over and over. My BIL and SIL do that, and their kids just don’t listen anymore. Not to mention that it’s painful to my ears to hear them yelling no over and over again while we’re trying to have adult conversation. I really hate going to their house. I’ve yet to see one of them ever get up to really address a problem, even when that problem is that their son just clawed my son’s face until it bled (and that took about two weeks to completely heal when that happened). The parents just yelled at him from their usual spot on the couch. Not very effective discipline, in my opinion.
I don’t know what you’re doing when you say no, but disciplining is a hands-on job. I’m not against spanking entirely, but that’s not what I mean when I say hands-on. I mean you have to get down and dirty and involved, not just yelling or talking loudly from the sidelines.