prompt 2. anything i need to add/improve? any advice is awesome!
Martial arts is something that has changed me into this different person I am today. Not only does it have effect on you physically, but mentally and emotionally. After 6 extensive, arduous years of training, I am proud to say that I received my black belt diploma at the beginning of 9th grade.
Exercising every day, devotion and dedication were key elements required to achieve the greatest award at the end. I first started becoming interested in 3rd grade after attending one of my family friend’s belt evaluations. Couple days later my mom enrolled me, and from that day on I was on my way to becoming a black belt holder. Though I was excited, I was very shy at that age to do new things especially those that involved with large group of children. After a few weeks I got use to the environment, and was never in doubt from that point on.
Tae kwon do can really alter your body through exercise and practice, but that’s not all to it. In martial arts the trainers also teach you self-discipline, respect, how to build your confidence, and proper etiquette. These are some qualities that make me proud today because I know other people can see them in me. I am polite, I show respect to get respect, and have proper manners that make me such a person. The quality that I am most proud of today is my self-confidence. Over the years, working with kids my age and participating in group activities has changed the way act than that 6 years ago.
Karate is one sport that will surely give your full a body a workout. Pad kicking, board/brick breaking, and sparring are only few of many activities done throughout the day. Every Saturday our instructor, would take our class of 30-40 students running up 3-4 miles up a hill early in the morning. After this lengthy exercise my ankles would feel as if they had been shattered to pieces, screaming in my mind out of pain. My heart would beat as loud as drums at a concert, thumping against my chest. The scorching heat of the sun, acted upon my perspiring skin, burning every inch of it. It felt as if my whole body was on the verge of collapsing on the jagged pavement. Running up those hills is one activity that I will never forget in my life. These are the experiences that have had the most affect upon me, turning me into a fit, dedicated, and ambitious person.
thanx
Chase
Makayla
You have done more to describe martial arts than to describe how martial arts have changed you, although you have done some of the latter. I would suggest that this is a good first draft which needs a rather extensive rewriting. I would suggest that you connect the need for self-discipline in martial arts with the need for the same in academics. I would also discuss how you learned to organize your time to be able to do both martial arts and academics.
Keep at it. Put it throrugh four drafts and you’ll have an essay worthy of UC. This draft is Ok for a state university. You have some diction problems and some problems skipping between I and you. If you would like me to review your final draft, please email me for easy instructions on how to email it directly to me so that I can suggest changes easily. Do not include the draft in your first email, but do tell me the content of prompt 2, please. As I am retired from my profession, I review several essays a week as community service.
Richard
Prompt 2 is a way for your to showcase something about yourself that makes you stand out from your peers. You can do that by discussing a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience (pq/t/a/c/e for short). Why are you proud of this pq/t/a/c/e? What does the pq/t/a/c/e say about you as a person? Does the pq/t/a/c/e demonstrate that you are a hardworking individual who perseveres? Does that pq/t/a/c/e illustrate how you come thru for your team no matter what? And how will that pq/t/a/c/e help you succeed in college? Again, focus the essay on YOU.
You can also think of Prompt 2 as a commercial spot for yourself. What would be the theme of the commercial? What clips from your life would be featured in the commercial?